DH wanting to move abroad

Completely agree with other posters that it does sound like he has untreated mental health issues. No judge is going to sign off on moving the children to Costa Rica, or Greece, or anywhere else he comes up with, as long as you don't agree to take them abroad, but I do think the marriage is over at this point OP. I'm so sorry but he's just not capable of engaging with you rationally.

No. You have done more than enough moving around to please him and clearly catered to his whims. Your children now beed stability and your husband needs to find what fulfils him in life instead of constantly upheaving the whole family as clearly this constant moving is jot making him happy. What career does he have? Maybe he needs to look at retraining in a more fulfilling career and trying activities close to home to build up his social network. He is putting his needs above everyone else and now is the time for the kids to have stability and focus on a steady home life and education. Once they have flown the neat there will be plenty of time for travelling. I would be firmly saying No this time as it seems he is unfulfilled and does not know what he wants.

Oh sorry, having just read your last update it sounds like he does have unaddressed mental health issues and indeed is very manipulative 😞 Bipolar is very possible, as you've said, due to the delusions (because who would seriously think his Costa Rica plan is a good idea??) and sharp changes in mood/behaviour.

If he did make good on his threat to fight you for the kids, I don't think the judge would be on his side.

He's clearly never heard the phrase "the grass is always greener on the other side".

For your children's sake, put your foot down and say no.

Pleased to hear you are not giving in. Sadly this sounds like the end of your marriage so I think you need to consider your next steps with regards to separating.

Sorry just seen your last post. Make an appointment with a solicitor. Ask about a prohibited steps order too. That will prevent him taking your children abroad.
Sorry but I'd also be getting your ducks on a row to separate too.
He sounds like a fru££in nightmare !

I think what he's doing to your children is awful.

• if you don't move, and the kids feel it's due to them, they'll feel eternally guilty for holding back dad from feeling happy.

They may also start blaming you for their dads unhappiness. Again, not on.

Your husband has a serious problem here, and I'm not referring to his depression. He is emotionally damaging his own children. He's already forced them to be uprooted. There are so many examples of kids struggling for life due to not being given the opportunity to find friends and stability.

Your husband is beyond selfish, he's emotionally harmful. I can't believe anyone would want to put that kind of emotional responsibility onto 4 young children.

If he continues to play with them like he is, then I'm sorry, but he needs to leave the house. It's not fair on the kids.

If someone is unhappy in one place, they're probably going to be unhappy in another place too.

My mum is like this. She has bi polar , but it's so so draining to live with.

So who does he think will look after them while he's working, in his fantasy land?

Also, that will keep you in the loop of what he may be planning and not finding out about behind your back.

What about if you call his bluff and say discuss with employer and see if they're happy for him to work in Greece. Just say find out what needs to be done re medical care etc for all of you. Is he likely to realise that it's not going to happen when he gets confronted by an obstacle or two that he can't blame on you?

Has he had to apply for work/residence visas for any of your other moves?

I think he likes the idea of us being socially isolated and a tight family unit

I'll bet he does - you being jobless and reliant on him for money would probably suit him just fine as a further means of control

If he does leave alone he could well be doing you all a favour, but for the children's sake you need proper legal advice ... now

@purplejeanie when you talk to your solicitor, you might want to talk through the advice in https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Children-and-the-law-child-abduction-DIGITAL.pdf It's unlikely he'll go through with it, but it's probably less traumatic to try and prevent him taking your kids than to try and get them back.

Your husband sounds like a more extreme version of my mother. From someone who has moved around a lot during childhood, sometimes to places where I didn't speak the language, it is really hard to integrate and you're constantly an outsider. There is no way to do this that doesn't negatively impact on your education. I really relate to another poster earlier in the thread who said that they feel like they don't belong anywhere. I don't either and I'm having to accept that I won't ever put down roots in the way I would like. I agree with others that this is probably not realistic, but regardless I would strongly resist this in your children's best interests.

Second the advice to hide the passports. But as far as I know he can’t take them out of the country without your permission as it would be kidnapping.
Keep stressing out to the kids that life would be very hard without knowing the language and having friends there.
Sorry you have to deal with this level of selfish/crazy.

He is trying to isolate you and make you give up work.

He is using the kids against you.

Hide the kids’ passports at a relative’s place asap.

This is awful. I am so sorry you are with this man.

I think what will be his downfall OP is the old project management mantra 'failing to plan is planning to fail'

It isn't as straightforward as he thinks. From what you said I don't think he's Greek or even EU citizen- you can't just 'rock up' in these countries with no plans these days --Brexit has put paid to that. . And even if on paper he earns enough to be able to get a 'nomad visa' There are very strict conditions in place on money in bank, earnings, what kind of work etc . Add in about schooling with children when they don't speak language - that means international schools- not cheap and not available usually in the more budget friendly locations. And if he works for a uk company whilst he may be able to work remotely- they don't usually allow you to have an overseas base on an employee basis- due to tax and benefit legislation.

His restless feeling must be very compelling to be so caught up in it that he'll overlook destroying his family unit and manipulate his kids. Did he move around a lot as a kid, or maybe have a very unstable home life in other ways?

It sounds like he's labeling his own problematic responses to life as being exciting, spontaneous, bohemian, romantic etc (basically better than everyone else trapped in the boring hum drum). Of course the reality is that its probably his own unaddressed mental health creating the feeling of being unable to sit still. We all validate our own choices in this way a little bit but this is really extreme.

I wonder if he could be convinced that he has an opportunity here to give his kids the v precious gift of stability and roots- something he doesn't have and leaves him miserable and unsatisfied with life. A chance to allow them to form strong bonds with an area and the people there - it will serve them well in life and help them to be mentally resilient adults. Would that help him reframe it maybe? Right now he's convincing himself of the benefits for them of moving, but the benefits of staying far outweigh the moving ones. It sounds like his mind is on such a one way track that it may not have even occured to him the benefits of going (for the kids) aren't better than the benefits of staying. I would spell it out to him, even the obvious stuff, because his frantic brain is not doing any sensible thinking.

I'm a bit of a serial mover myself and find it hard to stay in one place for too long, but luckily my kids are exactly the same so they have moved around a lot. I did force one move on my ex-husband in the 20-something years we were together, but that was to his home country as he refused to go to mine. He is still there but I have since divorced him and left. Anyways, for each and every one of the moves I have made I have done extensive research. For me that has been a part of the fun bit and it adds excitement to the whole process. I am a bit surprised your H hasn't bothered to do that. If he had he would have also known that unless your kids have severe SEN, homeschooling isn't allowed in Greece.
Either way, unless you have been a terrible mum who has abandoned your children for large parts of their childhood, there is no way he will be allowed to move to Greece, or any other country, without your consent. Unfortunately I think that your kids will get drawn into this since he is working on manipulating them into going with him, so you might as well sit them down and explain what is happening and what is the likely outcome for them if they move to Greece.

@purplejeanie It's a tough situation, I have a DH who talks often about leaving the country, he's never felt settled here, similar to yours, he moved here in his late teens. I have some sympathy for him, but he chose to marry me and have children here, he did all that willingly, so now he has to prioritise the kids and their need for stability. He largely accepts that though, it sounds like your DH doesn't see that as important at all.

I can't help but think though that your DH's fantasy life will probably not look quite so sunny and carefree if he's stuck managing 4 children on his own alongside working, because you've decided not to go with him. He needs you along to do all the grunt work, otherwise his plan just isn't possible. Getting him to see that though is another story. You have my sympathy, it must be a nightmare living with him.

I would be minded to act quite fast here - the older the kids are the more weight is given to their wishes.

This sounds so familiar. Wanting that other life, thinking its ok to uproot everyone, for him to have not look into one minor detail about it.

That was all left to me to do. And like a fool I did it.

My ex's favourite line was, well you can never plan too much as things never go the way you expect them to anyway. Erm.... when you have children who need a home and stability, everything needs to be firmly planned.

It's draining OP. I totally get it. He will never be happy. Don't let him drag you all around in his fantasy life.