Large age gap relationships

@Tarantullah you had me worried that you knew me until you mentioned no DC. My DH is 18 years older than me and we met when I was 26 we are very happy but we have 2 DC and I'm now over 40. My DH is very fit and healthy and I am now disabled and have chronic illnesses so it's the opposite way around than people would probably expect

This is a recurring theme either both are right or both are wrong. A lot of hypocrisy on here.

Lol all right. Who pissed in your cornflakes? 🤣

Of course it's somewhat arbitrary. But it's not irrelevant, it's an example of the way most people think that the "rightness" of an age gap changes as the ages of the partners increase.

It's too simplistic imo to say that a "maximum" age gap should be a set number, because e.g. the gap between say 70 and 50 is very different from the gap between 40 and 20, even though it's the same number. Similarly it would be too simplistic to say "half your age" for the same reasons - 40 and 20 is very different from 15 and 30.

Obviously there isn't a "rule" (and I'm not arguing there should be, beyond that everyone needs to be a consenting adult), but the half+7 thing just gives a general idea of what some people find, subconsciously, to be "acceptable".

Sorry, but I had to laugh 😂

not funny

I'm 36 and my husband is 47, so 11 years age gap.

It works well for us, we have the same maturity level.

Personally, I wouldn't like a much larger age gap though. I think it shouldn't be more than 15 years

O I think they do ! possibly not in print though.

Same sex large age differences are quite common, see it in Sainsbury DKH
Saturday morning regularly
And Old Compton Street/Frith Street, Soho, it seems to be the norm.
Blamunge, it isn’t uncommon for people to be married, children, then
convert to same sex relationships, be this same ish age or age gap, so
your theory is flawed.

When I was 20/21,I dated a guy who was 49/50

We only broke up due to differences in our cultures-and we're fb friends to this day

He was Turkish,didn't drink,smoke,was very serious,loved his mum and wanted a quiet,boring English girl to settle down with

I'm english,smoked,drank like a fish,wanted to live a bit and couldn't have been less serious if I tried-I was very immature-I just wanted to have fun

Oh,and the fact he was gay but couldn't admit to it due to his religion-that didn't help

If I saw him in the street,I'd stop and have a chat with him-no hard feelings at all-we broke up 23 years ago

I do wish him well

That 'formula' is arbitrary wank made up by giggling 14 year olds. It is irrelevant in the real world and deluded to think in such simplistic terms.

In large gap relationships, people say, the major difference is music -
no use if one is into Big Band sound and the other is Lizzo.

When I worked in the SoF, St. Tropez, Cannes, beautiful elegant 20 + year olds with grizzled old millionaires, the trade off, yachts, beautiful clothes, youth and beauty for wealth and security.

Large age gaps always have a trade off - not necessarily as cynical as the above, but this is well documented.

For myself, at 19, met and was with a man of 32 although I didn’t know this initially.
He was ‘grown up’ and worldly, what I didn’t realise as I was SO. naive, was how
attractive to men unworldly leggy 19 year olds are to a predatory newly divorced man. Didn’t last, it couldn’t.
The other way was a man twelve years younger than me who I had known for years, but prioritised his two young daughters, not that there is anything wrong with this!
but not to an obssessive level.

The most extreme difference was a colleague at her 40th birthday do, where was her husband? at home asleep, he was 81. true.

The imbalance of power is disgusting and she deserved to lose her career over it.

Florence Pugh and Zach Braff was another unpleasant pairing but luckily that ended before she got pregnant, and I think she was older when it started. I’ve lost all respect for him though.

I think, often, women in large age gap relationships ‘allow’ their younger partners to cheat which is why these relationships seem like they succeed.

My grandma was married to her second husband for over 20 years. He was over 30 years her senior. Grandma died relatively young (60s) due to cancer. Her husband lived for nearly another 10 years (over 105). They really loved each other. Both were on second marriages.

I think age gap relationships, it really depends on when folks met.

I think there's less of an eyebrow raise if someone 35/40+ has a relationship with someone older than them (especially as there seems to be such a difference as to health/ fitness etc. for folks in their 50s-70s) versus someone in their 30s or 40s dating someone in their teens/ early 20s.

A 35 year old dating a 20 year old feels like more of a power imbalance than a 50 year old dating a 35 year old.

Large age gaps are not as popular as they were say 10-20 years ago. Saw a recent study were most relationships the age gap is 5 years or less.

I think it is seen differently when it’s a same sex relationship, because people don’t expect them to have children so the age gap isn’t as relevant. Stephen Fry for example has a 30 year age gap with his partner and nobody comments.

I honestly thought it was just me - especially with almost immediate pregnancy.

Dame Joan Collins - on being questioned regarding the huge age gap between her and much much younger Percy, declared heartlessly, “well, if he dies, he dies!”

I was in a 17yr gap relationship, changed when he had an accident and became much older much more quickly and - because of my age just by being the same me - 'I emasculated him' he became abusive and I took 5 years to get it together to leave. The gap wasn't a problem until it was.

I'm in a same sex age gap relationship. I wasn't looking for someone as young as her (she's 32, I'm 53) - wasn't looking for anyone TBH - but our relationship works brilliantly. Been together 18 months now. We have had tentative discussions about children and the future. If I'm honest, I'd love to marry her.

Maybe it's perceived differently as we are two women, but mostly friends and family have been supportive.

I think it very much depends on the individuals involved. I know of men in their 20s who have essentially given up on life and spend their time gaming and being sloth-creatures. I know men in their 60s who compete in marathons and are fit, motivated businessmen. I think your outlook on life and shared values is the important thing, not necessarily your age.

Aaron Taylor Johnson’s relationship is gross. And yes I’d feel the same if the genders were reversed.

Barbara Windsor was 25 years older than her last husband and he did care for her through her dementia.

Don't see an age gap mattering both consenting adults. My brothers wife is 20 years more than him and they've been together many years happy. And nobody knows when the other will pass or whatever so age doesn't really matter.

Honestly? My personal absolute limit would be 10years, and only older than me for the miment, although I might revise that as I get older (currently early thirties). I honestly find age gaps where the gap is large enough to be a generation gap (so more than about 16years) creepy and gross. But I don’t tell people in age-gap relationships this in real life. As long as everyone is a consenting adult, I keep my mouth shut. But yes I’m silently judging/bewildered by why they think it’s a good idea/a non issue.