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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have read her emails?

235 replies

lumpkins · 23/04/2023 19:57

I work with a lady who has been at the same workplace for 30 years. She knows everyone, gossips about everyone… you know the type!
I started 2 years ago and we work very closely together. She is incredibly kind to me, offering advice, cups of tea, giving me the ‘heads up’ on who is a good egg, who is not etc.
For various reasons I’ve started to suspect that my colleague is not as nice to me behind my back as she is to my face. One example of this would be her offering to do something to help me and then going to management to complain about me for asking her to help me when it isn’t her job (I am her senior)
This has happened a number of times now. She left her emails logged in so I took the chance to have a nose… not the best move I know, but I was feeling like I was going mad! So I uncovered email after email of her complaining to various people about me, all over the workplace. Most of the things she had complained about were made up.. she is making out I am a complete bitch to her but it’s completely false as we get on fine!
I wanted to take my findings (screenshots of 12 emails) to management to complain as my name has been repeatedly tarnished in her complaints, but I was wrong to look at her emails so should I just forget it and move on??

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Florissante · 25/04/2023 13:12

Fraaahnces · 25/04/2023 03:44

OP is her manager.

That's not the case.

bluegreygreen · 25/04/2023 11:20

Is she? OP has said she is senior, but has not confirmed she manages this person.

Fraaahnces · 25/04/2023 03:44

OP is her manager.

AliceOlive · 25/04/2023 01:16

OP isn’t her boss?

Guineasrule · 24/04/2023 22:45

Itcouldhappenabishop · 24/04/2023 21:55

@HyacinthBookay why is it so diabolical? If you are using your work emails for work then what would be so mortifying about a manager reading them?
As has been mentioned several times on this thread, it is standard practice in many companies for emails to be monitored. It's made perfectly clear to employees.
FWIW I am not in a managerial position so I don't read others email so I'm not defending myself here. However I know my manager regularly checks my emails and I have no problem with that. I keep personal/private stuff for my personal email.

I agree with you. If my boss (or anyone really) wanted to look at my emails tomorrow it would not worry me. To me it is a tool my employer has provided me to communicate with so I can do my job. All my correspondence is work related.

If you don't want your boss to read it what you have written don't use company time to send personal, non work related, or bitchin emails that might come back to bite.

billy1966 · 24/04/2023 22:42

OP,

I think you need to find out what the position is in the company regarding emails and privacy.

I have only ever heard of emails etc. being company property.

Hence warnings about inappropriate jokes being grounds for dismissal.

I know my friends who work for large multinationals and big pharma, are very careful about work versus private email accounts.

In your place I would say that you have been given an anonymous tip off that you should do a SAR as there is a long-term employee making complaints about you.
Refuse to name her.

Admit nothing but that.

Either way you need to be very careful as she is poison.

TheRussiansAreComing · 24/04/2023 22:17

You are now armed with the info. Don’t share with anyone that you read her messages. Read more if you get the opportunity.
Plant your own seeds with those that you get on with. Be a better manipulator than her. Be a better liar than her. Play her at her own games. Learn to enjoy any misfortune that comes of her and don’t feel guilty for enjoying it.
small wins like taking things off of her desk. Either put them on someone else’s or
just dispose of them completely.
subscribe her email address to as much junk mail and spam as poss.

I hope you win.

Itcouldhappenabishop · 24/04/2023 21:55

@HyacinthBookay why is it so diabolical? If you are using your work emails for work then what would be so mortifying about a manager reading them?
As has been mentioned several times on this thread, it is standard practice in many companies for emails to be monitored. It's made perfectly clear to employees.
FWIW I am not in a managerial position so I don't read others email so I'm not defending myself here. However I know my manager regularly checks my emails and I have no problem with that. I keep personal/private stuff for my personal email.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 24/04/2023 21:10

HyacinthBookay · 24/04/2023 12:36

I didn’t want to be the first to say this so thank you. The idea of a manager looking at the emails of someone less senior without permission is diabolical. Those saying it’s ok how would you feel? For me the looking at the emails is a red flag indicating OPs unprofessional behaviour and makes me wonder if colleague has a legitimate reason for complaining about her.

Yup. This in buckets

EekGoesTheBaby · 24/04/2023 19:20

Just to reiterate other PP, keep the info to yourself but use it to your advantage.

I like to think that I wouldn't have snooped in the situation you've described, but I probably would have, TBH.

Mirabai · 24/04/2023 15:32

Farrowandballsy · 24/04/2023 07:49

i would email your manager and tell her you're concerned about this woman. Say she keeps offering you help but you've heard from a couple of people who want to remain anonymous that she is emailing them complaining of how stressed she is at the amount of work you put on her. You're concerned both for her mental health given that she's so stressed and also for your professional integrity, given that she's claiming you approach her, which is untrue. Ask if, as a first step you can cc your manager in as you decline her offers of help. Say you don't want to take the reports of nasty emails further at the moment as you don't want to bring your sources into it, but should she make an accusation against you, you'll need to do a SAR for all emails that contain your name.

The benefit of this is you're getting in first with your manager, giving them a very simple solution that they don't need to do anything about, but also giving them a heads up that you're taking steps to defend yourself against false accusations.

Then anytime she offers help say "thank you so much for the offer, I'm okay at the moment l, but I'll let you know if I need more help later" and each time email an hour or two later and politely decline her help. The cc-ing in of the manager will put the wind up her that you're on to her, and hopefully she'll start to behave better.

This is good advice.

CSIblonde · 24/04/2023 14:46

Just r euse any help verbally, then in writing. Job done. And as someone whose dated a fair few IT guys, when they're bored with server stuff , they hack employee emails & pop up messenger. I've had an IT ex tell me my friend was having a work affair I didn't know about. And another friend was told by their IT guy in passing, that her co-workers were gossiping about her personal life.

AliceOlive · 24/04/2023 14:30

luckylavender · 24/04/2023 10:53

They're not private emails. If it's a company email address on a company PC then she had no rights.

This is not right at all.

Even as a manager I do not have a right to read the email of my staff. It requires the highest level HR and IT approval to do so, and they involved Legal.

OP was not acting as a manager here. (and the behavior is not professional at all.)

I think many companies would dismiss someone for doing this.

AliceOlive · 24/04/2023 14:24

I think there must be more to this story. OP wrote that she's senior to this woman, but also:

Our manager thought I was being ridiculous and even said “why would she do that?” As if I was making it up.

She mentions approaching management or her manager a few other times, and the concerns being dismissed. Never once says anyone has spoken with her about any of these complaints nor that there have been any repercussions.

I think it's likely that everyone ignores this lady's antics. She's been there 30 years, she didn't just start this with the OP. Maybe she's highly productive so they overlook her bad behavior, or maybe she has top cover.

But I suspect the manager is tired of OP bringing this up repeatedly. Maybe the manager doesn't have the ability to do anything about it. But OP is certainly adding to the problems.

Conkersinautumn · 24/04/2023 14:15

There's little point in a SAR It's very unlikely your employer will release information to you that would result in them being at legal risk. Yes, there is legislation but there are so many reasons companies can withhold info that you're unlikely to be given the emails you've already read.

As you're her senior, other colleagues know and nothing has ever been done I'd conclude yours is a company that not only sits on things but doesn't look to resolve a problem employee.

Time to move on before she comes up with something that they will take action on (like company into disrepute).

Guineasrule · 24/04/2023 14:01

lumpkins · 24/04/2023 00:58

It has crossed my mind. In the ‘stolen’ money incident she did an obvious set up, leaving the filing cabinet open with her handbag deliberately showing. It’s was all very Miss Marple 🙄 I thought it was strange at the time but didn’t close the filing cabinet. The next morning the “I got to the shops to spend my £100 cash (as you do 🙄) and it was….. gawn!”

And I assume she did not report it to HR, office security and raise a police incident?

Because if she hasn’t this ‘theft’ did not happen, which tells everyone what they need to know.

emanresu000 · 24/04/2023 13:50

I would find it really difficult to work in an atmosphere like this. There is no trust now that you have proved to yourself that negative commentary is going on behind your back.

As others have suggested, distance yourself from this colleague. Be civil and polite. Decline her offers to 'help' and try to avoid her as much as possible. Meanwhile look for another job where you know your reputation is safe.

Guineasrule · 24/04/2023 13:06

When you use a business provided account you should have zero expectations of privacy, the company owns that data and the account. You agree to the disclaimer the moment you log in - the company has this in place to ensure they are operating legally. Same goes for your files, internet history etc btw. It all belongs to the company, not you.

Looking at others emails is not good practice though.

This woman has been there 30 years, long enough to be the village gossip for the office. I expect you are not the first she has done this to. She will be convinced she will get away with anything as she has been there for so long.

Just ignore it (& her) and unless it becomes an issue with management or performance ignore it. But cover your back so if the need arises you can cover yourself.

HyacinthBookay · 24/04/2023 12:36

LadyJ2023 · 24/04/2023 07:18

The more you reply the more rude you sound. And that makes me wonder who really is at fault tbh? Feel sorry for your colleague the way you've gone from nicey nice to downright bitchy,nasty as your replies carry on poster

I didn’t want to be the first to say this so thank you. The idea of a manager looking at the emails of someone less senior without permission is diabolical. Those saying it’s ok how would you feel? For me the looking at the emails is a red flag indicating OPs unprofessional behaviour and makes me wonder if colleague has a legitimate reason for complaining about her.

Greensleevevssnotnose · 24/04/2023 12:20

mainsfed · 23/04/2023 21:53

What a load of shit, you can’t just spy on people. From TUC:

Covert monitoring at work without prior warning is a serious privacy intrusion and is likely to breach workers’ privacy rights.

If your employer is going to monitor your email and internet usage, you must be clearly informed of this in advance and of the reasons for such monitoring. This is normally done through a policy or the employment contract.

It will be in the contract, so perfectly reasonable

MilkInWay · 24/04/2023 12:07

😱Reading your colleague's email is not on.

But she sounds deranged. Does anyone else know you read her email?

I hope not.

What will be your next move op?

Mari9999 · 24/04/2023 11:44

Many churches provide cry room spaces within the church out of recognition that babies and young children are often noisy and provide distractions during the service.

If the minister and church members recognize and acknowledge that this type of behavior provides a distraction during Services , why would a bride be at fault for not wanting to risk this type of distraction during her wedding ?

Few people would think it appropriate to take a newborn to a movie theater where patrons have paid a small amount of money but seemingly would think nothing of taking that same newborn to a wedding where the bride and groom often have paid many 1000s for the wedding.

Your newborn is extremely special to you, but he or she is not so special that a bride should be willing to tolerate the risk of them crying during their wedding ceremony. These events are often video recorded and disruptive .noises are captured on the recording. That is not the experience that the couple has paid so much money to have and capture. The infant's presence adds nothing to the event for neither the infant nor the couple being married. There is no justification other than selfishness and a sense of entitlement for a parent to think that they have a right to impose the potential for this type of disruption on someone else's wedding ceremony.

Willmafrockfit · 24/04/2023 11:01

she is complaining about you
but you havent said if you are in trouble due her complaints?
have you put her under unnecessary pressure?

luckylavender · 24/04/2023 10:57

Bayleaf25 · 23/04/2023 22:31

YABU you can’t/shouldn’t read her private emails.

They're not private

luckylavender · 24/04/2023 10:54

Itcouldhappenabishop · 23/04/2023 21:41

Hang on. Are you her manager? Where I work (banking) it is well known and perfectly legitimate for management to have access to employees emails. They regularly check sample emails to check for any regulatory violations etc. we all know that anything we write on a work email or chat could and quite possibly will be read by management, compliance etc.
Work emails are that - work. Not personal. It's company property and the company is entitled to know what their systems are being used for. I assume my line manager has a regular snoop through my inbox. Anything scurrilous is for personal channels only!
I'd investigate the legal situation here. You may technically have perfectly good reasons to read her emails.

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