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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL cannot be on time!

115 replies

Happybakers · 23/04/2023 09:44

If it was just once in a while it wouldn’t bother me so much but it’s so regular, it’s frustrating!

we change the time of events etc so she thinks it’s considerably earlier than it is which works for organised things like meals out, but when it’s things that don’t have a set time, just one we’ve organised, she is always late.

For example, we were meant to be at the shop this morning at 9.45am, the shop opens for browsing then and you can pay from 10am before heading on to a trip we are making today.

This was the plan, we spoke to her about 8.30am and agreed that we’d pick her up at 9.30am. She was showered and dressed, just needed to eat and dry her hair.

It’s now 9.40am and we’re waiting for her while she dries her hair!!

AIBU to be irritated? I am someone who likes to be early, I’d rather sit in the car park somewhere, knowing I was there than rushing about and being late.

Anyone else have a family member like this? How do you deal with it?

OP posts:
MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 23/04/2023 10:14

Tell her she's taking to long and you need to go with or without her.

MuffinToSeeHere · 23/04/2023 10:13

Happybakers · 23/04/2023 10:03

Still waiting!

This is why she takes her time because she knows everyone will just sit and wait for her. Is your time not important to you? I assure you if you left then she would suddenly start valuing your time more.

LlynTegid · 23/04/2023 10:13

It doesn't matter whether it is a relative or someone else, lateness in the vast majority of cases is rude and should not be accepted as just one of those things.

I disagreed with the late Margaret Thatcher on almost all of her policies, but one thing I agreed with her was her insistence on good timekeeping.

Shinyandnew1 · 23/04/2023 10:12

Have you spoken to her about it? If so, what does she say?

I’d arrange to meet her at places rather than collecting her. Or not inviting her!

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 23/04/2023 10:11

Happybakers · 23/04/2023 10:03

Still waiting!

Why? Why haven't you just got on with your day? A grown woman is capable of underanding that if she's late you won't wait

GCWorkNightmare · 23/04/2023 10:10

I have time blindness due to ADHD. I think every task and journey takes 8 minutes. Add in the inevitable 1000 distractions between A and B and I’m late for things about 90% of the time. It’s not a snub to others.

Gatehouse77 · 23/04/2023 10:10

If she has her own means of transport then I'd arrange to meet her at the venue.
If she's relying on you for transport then lie about what time she needs to be ready - I do this with my sister who is often late. Mostly because she tries to 'fit in' little jobs which aren't little or are too many 🤬

Aside from that, I would have a conversation to find out why she runs late as that may inform how you mange it in the future.

CC4712 · 23/04/2023 10:10

What has been said to her about it? Its selfish. I'd honestly have said, 'Oh, you still aren't ready- we did agree on 9:30. Well we are off to the shops. IF you want to come, we will see you there'.

Beetrootlover82 · 23/04/2023 10:05

You don’t bother to say whether you or your partner have ever spoke to her about this

Eggseggseverywhere · 23/04/2023 10:04

In future meet her at the venue. Shop without her. Eat without her. Once she realises she really isn't that important she may buck up her ideas. Or stop making plans.

MagpiePi · 23/04/2023 10:04

Is she usually 10 or 20 minutes late or is it hours, if left to her own devices?

It sounds like there is also a bit of a clash of personalities, and maybe she’s just refusing to play along with your strict timetabling of what are supposed to be more relaxed activities.

Original poster
Happybakers · 23/04/2023 10:03

Still waiting!

OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 23/04/2023 09:52

You leave her behind. That's what you do.

Beetrootlover82 · 23/04/2023 09:50

Have you ever spoken about it with her?
Has your partner?

LordEmsworth · 23/04/2023 09:50

Yes, and same - accept it and build it in to plans. Or say, well I am going at xx time whether you're ready or not.

Your title says "cannot" - if you believe that, then why are you trying to make her do something that is impossible for her?

If you mean "will not" because you think she does it deliberately, then that's different.

I am like you, I like to be early - but I also recognise that that's annoying for others, and don't try to make them always do everything my way. If it's an important event, plan for it. If it's not - accept it...