"As a parent..."

This kind of attitude is exactly why OP is not being unreasonable.

@shutthewindownow " to be honest I don't think childless people can understand a lot of things."

Unless they are psychopaths they'll understand how horrific a "distressing mugging" would be.....

I think a lot of people use cliches like this without realising they're doing it. For me, it's the same as 'If I'm honest', 'between you and me' and 'not being funny but....'

I find some people really feel differently about things since becoming a parent and that's why they say it. I am not one of those people! I have so many friends who are mums who say things like "Oh now I'm a mum I hate hearing about child abuse". It kind of blows my mind that they didn't hate hearing about it before!! I've always been very sensitive to that sort of thing, long before I even thought of having kids.

Again you can't relate - they are thinking about both.

I suppose it depends how it's said. Most of the time people are just anchoring their reaction to their personal situation. It's only annoying if it comes with an implication of superiority, which in my experience it doesn't.

I don't think parents think you are laughing in the isles. What a weird thing to write.

In some ways I think people who say this can be demonstrating that they’re less empathetic than others. Because they’re not really thinking about that poor kid who was mugged, they’re thinking about their own kid and how awful it would be if it happened to them.

Its because it hits close to home which is uncomfortable.

Eg. if you saw on the news that a random predator was targeting women who were of the same age as you, and looked very similar to you- exact same hair style, same build etc I am sure this would stick in your mind much more than hearing about random attacks on other people. It doesnt mean you dont care about the other people who were attacked but the fact that you have something in common with the victims of the first attacker would make much more of an emotional impact/association in your unconscious mind. Pretty obvious really and you dont have to be a psychologist to see that!

Totally agree @LaPerduta
It's like the idiots on here who say "as a mother I'm horrified at the terrible thing that's happened to this child"
As if before giving birth they rolled hysterically in the aisles every time a child was murdered or run over.
Weirdos.

In this instance the person is worried that this may happen to her DC. You can sympathise, but you can not relate to the fear she has. As you have said you are sensitive to 'as a parent' references, to the point you would write an AIBU about it.

I think you know YABU (in this example), but I wonder what kind of validation you are looking for. The article wasn't written out of 'smug'ness. It sounds like you have an issue and you should probably have some help with that.

I agree there are plenty of times when it is not relevant, it is used to appeal to engage other parents. No sure why that would be offensive to you though?

Exactly. You can’t adequately explain the experience of parenthood to someone who isn’t a parent. I’ve actually cried over abuse news stories because the empathy was visceral. Before having children I would still have had empathy and thought it was awful but it’s different. Not morally superior. Just different.

I Understand where you're coming from.

However since being a parent, these stories do have a deeper impact on me personally, as I can't help but imagine that it was my kids and that hurts very deeply.

I don’t know. If horses were being attacked I could say that was awful.

If someone else said similar but started “As the owner of a horse…” then that would just indicate to me that the situation felt personally very relevant and threatening to their circumstances.

However I always think it's weird when parents think that being extra concerned about crimes involving children somehow makes them better people, when it literally implies they only started giving a shit about children when they had their own

I dont think this at all. When I hear about random acts of violence against children I dont immediately think, "I know, I'll show extra empathy which will mean people will think I'm such a great person- great idea!"

No. What happens is, it makes me aware of all the potential harm my kids could face growing up in the world, and its hard to hear that because it reminds you that if it could happen to them, it could potentially happen to your children aswell- which is really quite frightening.

As a parent.... I think if you ever become a parent, you might understand ...

Absolutely agree with this. It doesnt mean that you have more empathy or are some how more feeling or a "better person", its just that when a child/teen is harmed it makes you think about your own child which is like a punch to the guts. You put yourself in the place of their parents which is why it feels more primal and raw than it did before you were a parent.

I think you are overthinking this and taking offence where it really isnt intended.

Oh god and those "father of daughters' posts during 'me too'. Grim. It took them making a child from their own DNA to give a shit about women. Knobs

It's imbecilic imo. Like those people who are religious and think anyone who is an atheist has no moral values. It's lazy and makes me think people are thick and lacking any emotional intelligence.

I agree actually OP. I’ve never been keen on that phrase.

If there's a gang mugging teens in the area then a non parent would think "that's bloody awful" and that's it, a parent has to consider the implications of what this means for their teen going out, where and when.

In the same way someone attacking dogs will impact dog owners more, or crimes targetting bus drivers will impact their relatives and friends more etc.

it literally implies they only started giving a shit about children when they had their own...!

It doesn't really. But it would be ridiculous to think that becoming a parent doesn't change how you react to things. It would be deeply weird if it didn't.