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AIBU?

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Original poster

Holiday accommodation & DD

242 replies

PotsAndDishes · 17/04/2023 13:03

Before I roll out my picnic blanket to sit on the proverbial hill I’m choosing to metaphorically die on, AIBU?

We’re going away on holiday with extended family in June. Accommodation is a large villa with additional connected apartments, but with separate entrances. There’s also a pool which is unfenced. Current proposal is that those with young kids (<3) take the apartments, thus ring fencing the kerfuffle at 6:30am when they all wake up, and letting those in the main house get a bit of a holiday lie in.

I have said, OK, makes sense but obviously either DH or I will effectively go to bed with DD (2) each night because I don’t want to leave her by herself in a different building (separate entrances) with potential hazards around (unfenced pool, one apt is up stone steps with a balcony, what if the air con catches fire).

According to the in-laws, I’m being TOTALLY unreasonable, PFB-esque, nothing will happen to her, just lock all of the doors so she can’t get out, it’s no different to her being asleep upstairs in the house, I’m creating a rod for my own back, just whack on a baby monitor, blah blah blah.

So, AIBU? Should I chill out, take the monitor, hope it stretches and enjoy my evenings in the main villa?
Or AINBU and leaving a 2 year old asleep locked in a different building isn’t really OK?

OP posts:
Schnooze · 18/04/2023 09:09

If you are happy to retire early with her, then leave it now, go and then do whatever you need/want to when you get there.

BoogleOogle · 18/04/2023 09:07

It's your in-laws? I would then relish the opportunity to retreat to my apartment at 7pm with a bottle of wine and a book to read on my phone each night.

skyeisthelimit · 18/04/2023 09:05

YANBU 100% if it is a separate property and there is a swimming pool. The swimming pool alone is a reason not to leave children unattended at all times.

If they cant understand the danger, and the obvious thoughts of what happened to MM then they need a serious talking to.

Your DH needs to stand up for you here as well. The other parents may be happy to risk their DC but that doesn't mean that you have to, especially if DD is younger than their DC.

Catspyjamas17 · 18/04/2023 09:03

When we went away with inlaws we always just had separate apartments - Dh, DDs and me in one, inlaws in the other. Is there no way of dividing things up like that? Having all the kids sleeping separately is a weird and unsafe way of doing things, and all the parents will have to go over to the kids bit in morning which will be a pain and wake everyone up anyway.

LudicrouslyCapaciousBag · 18/04/2023 08:48

Who is paying?

CalpolDependant · 18/04/2023 08:48

I actually live like this - we have an annex in our garden, which contains guest accommodation, a home office and a cinema room. It is 42 metres from the main building (around a 50 second walk down a well lit path… or a 20 second run in an emergency).

The main house is secure, safe and has a full system of wifi enabled fire and CO2 alarms that are linked to our phones. Plus, Ring doorbells and an intercom system.

Despite this, I have NEVER ever left my young children to sleep alone in the house while we watch a film or whatnot. They come down with us and go to bed in the guest bedroom. And we carry them back up with us at bedtime.

As of this year, my eleven year old is allowed to be in the house alone, but not to sleep. So far, she never chooses to be. Prefers to watch movies with us.

What I’m saying is… even with all the precautions in place, in my home, I don’t do it. So, in a random holiday villa? Nah.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/04/2023 08:40

The kids are going to want to go in the pool by 8am. They’ll be annoying the villa users anyway. I’d have them in the main villa with uncle Eric in an apartment.

MrsRonaldWeasley · 18/04/2023 08:23

You are not being unreasonable at all! No way would I leave my 2 year old alone in a building… even if it is attached to the main building. There are all the potential hazards you mentioned and no doubt others that you haven’t thought of. Your in-laws are being ridiculous and I would take your DDs bedtime as the perfect opportunity to get away from them and have some chill time yourself.

MeridaBrave · 18/04/2023 07:34

Can’t you have a rota? Or move her later? But yes wouldn’t leave child in bed in another building. But I do see the argument for a lie in.

PollyPut · 17/04/2023 23:14

Remind them of Madeliene McCann and that the biggest cause of death of French children is drowning.

I understand that unfenced pools are illegal in France for this reason - not sure whether or not you are going there.

There might be steps in the building that DC could fall down.

Assuming this place is booked then I would be looking to stay in main property; or making a plan to move child across when asleep (although in my experience child wakes up distressed and confused when they are in a different location so this doesn't work). Or just enjoying some me-time in the evening with child and a good book.

ladycardamom · 17/04/2023 22:07

No, YNBU. Set up totally inappropriate for young children. My main worry would be the pool. You'll have to keep DD next to you at all times. I wouldn't be able to relax.

KittyAlfred · 17/04/2023 17:50

PotsAndDishes · 17/04/2023 17:47

To be fair, a 9pm bedtime with my kindle, a stash of snacks and silence is my idea of complete joy.

Show quote history

Exactly! I reckon by day 2 you and your DH will be fighting over who gets to slope off to chill out

Acornsoup · 17/04/2023 17:49

Hoping your studio has a fridge and kettle etc so you can chill out Wine

Original poster
PotsAndDishes · 17/04/2023 17:47

KittyAlfred · 17/04/2023 17:40

After an early morning and a day with a load of people I’d be happy to retreat to the studio with my 3 year old at their bed time!

To be fair, a 9pm bedtime with my kindle, a stash of snacks and silence is my idea of complete joy.

OP posts:
thinkfast · 17/04/2023 17:45

I think the division of the bedrooms sounds fair OP.

Yes, I can see why you might prefer to be in the main house, but I can also empathise with why the current plan is fair.

However, I totally agree with you that you DD shouldn't be left alone in an appartment at night with you next door. Either she sleeps in the main house and you transfer her, or one of you stays with her.

KittyAlfred · 17/04/2023 17:40

After an early morning and a day with a load of people I’d be happy to retreat to the studio with my 3 year old at their bed time!

Iwasafool · 17/04/2023 17:14

HurryShadow · 17/04/2023 14:43

YANBU. While I could sort of understand the concept of it being no different from being in your garden at home while DD slept upstairs, the biggest difference to me is a MM related one:

You won't be the only one that has keys to your apartment! Any old Tom, Dick or Pedro could have a spare set and let themselves in while your back is turned.

I'd be minded to say the whole set up is the wrong way round. Put all the people with kids in the main villa. That's where everyone hangs out of an evening, but the kids can go to bed in the same property.

Those that want a lie in can have the separate studios where they get their own dedicated space away from the small children.

I don't have DC and if I was going on a mixed holiday with this accommodation set up, I'd much prefer having the space to escape too!

There aren't enough studios for all the childless adults so unless someone actually wants to be woken up early by other people's children it won't work.

HyuNis · 17/04/2023 17:09

Don't do anything on holiday you wouldn't feel comfortable doing at home. So if you wouldn't lock her in at home and go to your next door neighbour don't do it on holiday.

We had a few days in large hotel when DD1 was 2.5yrs and we put her to bed in hotel room at 7pm, she was in deep sleep by 8 so we transferred her into buggy and draped towel over it and went to quiet end of dining room for a leisurely dinner. Then all went back up to room about 10.30 and popped her back into her bed.
Could you do something like this in quiet corner of the villa?

Heronwatcher · 17/04/2023 17:05

Yeah I agree that the families with small kids should get the villa. You’ll need the communal areas when the kids get up- if you have got to be up at 6.30 on holiday far more civilised to have a coffee and chat to others in the same position than be stuck in a studio. Plus you’ll want the kitchen with the food in it, TV and access to the outside. Put either the judgy old people or the hipsters in the studio wings. As for the 2 couples who are in the house with the kids, I am sure that there’ll be some bedrooms which have a bit more distance and that’s sort of the deal if you go on holiday with young families. There’s no way on earth they’re going to get silence until 10am, though I am sure you’ll be considerate.

Dilemma19 · 17/04/2023 16:58

In fact on holiday in a new place, your guards should be raised not relaxed.

Dilemma19 · 17/04/2023 16:56

MyGrandmaLizzie · 17/04/2023 13:44

This sort of issue is why we only go on holiday just us 4. DH, 2DC and I. No one else. Saves the aggravation.

Same, we don't holiday with other people unless they are almost exact same ages or situation as us.

SkaterBrained · 17/04/2023 16:50

I wouldn't do it, but I really wouldn't be starting a theoretical argument about it in advance either.

When you are there, nobody will notice or care if you go to put DD down and don't come back or if she sleeps at the side of the main room in a buggy.

To bring up this level of detail, which sounds like nitpicking and complaining, when someone else is doing the organising. That's quite bad form. Maybe it's not so much the content of what you're saying, but the way and timing.

AP5Diva · 17/04/2023 16:47

YANBU
The logical approach would be to put all the families with young DC in the main villa so parents can keep an ear out downstairs while the DC are in bed upstairs. Then the older families can toddle off to their private pool view apartments late at night and have a lie in or not on their own terms.

Nothingisblackandwhite · 17/04/2023 16:41

Wouldn’t it make more sense to put those with small kids in the main villa só you could all stay near them when they all go to bed ?

Madamecastafiore · 17/04/2023 16:36

I wouldn't be putting the kids to sleep in a separate building full stop. They're crazy!