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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday accommodation & DD

242 replies

PotsAndDishes · 17/04/2023 13:03

Before I roll out my picnic blanket to sit on the proverbial hill I’m choosing to metaphorically die on, AIBU?

We’re going away on holiday with extended family in June. Accommodation is a large villa with additional connected apartments, but with separate entrances. There’s also a pool which is unfenced. Current proposal is that those with young kids (<3) take the apartments, thus ring fencing the kerfuffle at 6:30am when they all wake up, and letting those in the main house get a bit of a holiday lie in.

I have said, OK, makes sense but obviously either DH or I will effectively go to bed with DD (2) each night because I don’t want to leave her by herself in a different building (separate entrances) with potential hazards around (unfenced pool, one apt is up stone steps with a balcony, what if the air con catches fire).

According to the in-laws, I’m being TOTALLY unreasonable, PFB-esque, nothing will happen to her, just lock all of the doors so she can’t get out, it’s no different to her being asleep upstairs in the house, I’m creating a rod for my own back, just whack on a baby monitor, blah blah blah.

So, AIBU? Should I chill out, take the monitor, hope it stretches and enjoy my evenings in the main villa?
Or AINBU and leaving a 2 year old asleep locked in a different building isn’t really OK?

OP posts:
mrsplum2015 · 18/04/2023 20:15

Agree that the pool is more the issue. Please consider a safety mechanism like on e of those alarms you can put in the pool and goes off if someone falls in.

Doone21 · 18/04/2023 19:29

I couldn't do it either

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/04/2023 19:28

Beyondbaffled · 18/04/2023 18:17

This has been picked up by The Mirror @PotsAndDishes

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/my-laws-want-toddler-sleep-29742512?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=mirror_main&fbclid=IwAR2wwC5YwdcHoKSRwIwun0s2WgomaTFpHDgdm1q2zurj5UjK-OzQrgQkgTw#lgmj0ijw0283nahmc6wm

This will go poof soon then for privacy issues

missjonesy · 18/04/2023 19:17

People become far too relaxed on holiday and seem to think that bad things don’t happen there. But it is these occasions when bad things do happen. Remind them of Madeline McCann. Sure her parents thought everything would be fine too.

peeweechigs · 18/04/2023 19:09

Let her sleep in her pushchair next to you! That's what everyone does on holiday. Then just put her to bed when you go. You're surely not going to leave everyone at 7pm or whenever every night to go to your room?!

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 18/04/2023 18:19

PotsAndDishes · 18/04/2023 13:32

Nah, not really. It’s going to be a week of sharing space with people of differing opinions & parenting styles, 6am starts and watching DD like a hawk 24/7 to make sure she doesn’t make a beeline to the unfenced pool.

Show quote history

Take it from me and my family’s dramas re this set up, I think they’d rather stick pins in their eyes than do this again, but DB’s in-laws, one’s a paraplegic and they go on holiday, usually separately, have been all together to give the MIL a break. A bit of tension and drama have ensued exactly to the issues you’ve stated.

A nice idea in principle but in general even if you think you’re all going to get along it rarely works out that way! Tough luck if someone sells it as a cheaper, one big happy family holiday! I think a short break is potentially maybe workable however.

AlltheFs · 18/04/2023 16:20

ODFOD

Sugarfree23 · 18/04/2023 15:42

PotsAndDishes · 18/04/2023 13:32

Nah, not really. It’s going to be a week of sharing space with people of differing opinions & parenting styles, 6am starts and watching DD like a hawk 24/7 to make sure she doesn’t make a beeline to the unfenced pool.

Show quote history

This is why your better with the studio and your own kettle / fridge. It's somewhere to escape too.

If LO sleeps and can be moved when you go to bed great - if she doesn't well you have to take her back to your own apartment.

I do think big family holidays work for some families but not others.

Peapodburgundybouquet · 18/04/2023 15:27

Your FIL sounds like mine. A vocally judgmental twat.

trytopullyoursocksup · 18/04/2023 15:25

PotsAndDishes · 18/04/2023 13:32

Nah, not really. It’s going to be a week of sharing space with people of differing opinions & parenting styles, 6am starts and watching DD like a hawk 24/7 to make sure she doesn’t make a beeline to the unfenced pool.

Show quote history

this sounds pretty realistic to me. At least your expectations aren't too high. Plan something lovely for when you get back, even just a day to yourself going somewhere nice. your nerves will be shot. hope you and DH are ok. i can't tell whether he has your back or not.

pidge93 · 18/04/2023 15:01

Brendabigbaps · 17/04/2023 13:13

Remind them of Madeline McCann

This right here!!

pidge93 · 18/04/2023 14:59

This!!!

RedRobyn2021 · 18/04/2023 14:33

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Only thing that's unreasonable is your in laws making such a big deal out of your parenting choices. Do you have to go?

Marmitecrumpetswithalittlecheese · 18/04/2023 14:32

You aren't being unreasonable in the slightest. And what really FUCKS me off is people constantly trying to change your parenting!!! My child was rear facing for quite a while (was fine, happy, not bothered at all) oh wow it used to wind my parents and sister up so much. I actually don't understand. You're trying to keep your little one safe. Why do family members constantly try and go against what we as parents have chosen.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 18/04/2023 14:28

I wouldn't leave her alone. But I would just keep her with me, letting her crash out at any time.

Sallyh87 · 18/04/2023 14:25

Can we have a cameo from Uncle Eric on MumsNet to get his opinion? 😀

Strawberrydelight78 · 18/04/2023 14:24

I've got autistic kids we've been on holidays abroad spent days by the pool and at water parks. We've also spent evenings next to hotel pools watching the entertainment. Not once has either of them got into a pool unsupervised. Because I have them in my sight at all times. I go to get a drink they come with me. I go to the loo they come with me. Supervision is key knowing where your child is and who is supervising them at all times. They are young adults now and still need supervising as much as a toddler.

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 18/04/2023 14:23

If your in-laws have this sort of attitude towards you, why bother at all? Constantly amazes me why people put up with this shit.

Thinkingpod · 18/04/2023 14:14

Sounds to me that they just want thr big villa and not worry about leaving it (which makes me think what the point in a holiday is if you just stay put)

Personally I'd put anyone with small people in the villa together and older ones in the soerste apartments for a bit of peace and adult only space

BowiesJumper · 18/04/2023 14:14

Why is everyone ok with accommodation for a holiday with loads of toddlers with an unfenced pool?? Immediate no from me!

PegasusReturns · 18/04/2023 14:11

@MalagaNights is exactly right on this

You wouldn't risk a house with a 200ft hole in the garden or one with a fast road running through the garden, but we have a false sense of security with pools because they're nice

Having had a pool for a number of years I’ve had a couple of near misses, even with a fence, even with older primary DC, even when we’ve been right there.

i cannot understand how you can be worried about a fire, which seems such a remote risk but are seemingly relaxed about the pool on the basis that you’re applying an absurd and unachievable level of control (watching 24/7)

Codlingmoths · 18/04/2023 14:10

I’m with Malaga nights- I’m an Aussie and I’d look at this place,and say no dice we won’t stay anywhere with an unfenced pool.

fryanddry · 18/04/2023 14:06

No it’s not ok to leave her alone, didn’t anyone learn from Madeline McCann?
And you are right to worry about fires, hazards, her waking up and falling etc
it never happens until it happens to you

Original poster
PotsAndDishes · 18/04/2023 14:05

But in any case, thanks for the useful suggestions. I’ll not engage with a tit-for-tat WhatsApp battle now, and once we’re there I have the option of popping DD down in the main house/transferring later and will take the monitor to show willing but still not leave her alone.

Uncle Eric will enjoy his relaxing hols while spending as much or as little time as he wants with DD. I’ll nod, smile & ignore FIL’s opinions on my parenting of DD and promise not to subject anyone to a sugar-laden DD at 10pm (that was just a joke).

OP posts:
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