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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Relatives Overload

185 replies

Autumnequinox · 17/04/2023 12:07

My DH and I are lucky enough to live in a lovely, if remote part of the UK. We live quite far from most of the near and close family.
We have worked bloody hard to pay off mortgage early and we have managed it - nice large rural house with land. We both work full time and we are working towards retirement in next few years. AIBU in that all the relatives descend at regular intervals and grab themselves a free holiday!
Christmas, Easter, Bank holidays, school holidays get booked! Visitors expect to be collected from Airport and ferried around and entertained all week. I usually book a few days holiday, then return to work as I don't want to use up my precious holidays being a tour guide.
Preparation consists of cleaning, getting guest rooms ready and usually spend about £200 on groceries. The rest of the time is cooking, cleaning and planning activities, also transporting them to activities. DH doesn't help much.
My grateful SIL gave me £30 to contribute to the weeks food budget on last visit - Raging!
I love them all and want to see them, but I am getting more and more resentful each time. AIBU??

OP posts:
GoodVibesHere · 17/04/2023 12:21

Well why are you being a wet flannel moaning about it on here but still putting up with it? I couldn't live like that just speak up!

Heronwatcher · 17/04/2023 12:20

Erm, just use your words (as I would say to my 4yr old). Either say something like “we’d love to meet up but we’re not having house guests at the moment, you could stay close by or we would love to come to you for a few days if that suits you, or if not let’s meet at X for a meal/ walk” or plan to be away yourselves?

But if you do this don’t expect them to come again until you directly ask them. If you’re so far away that you can’t meet for a day this may mean that you don’t see much of family and friends which to me would be miserable. If what you’re hoping for is people coming to stay but then giving enough money to compensate you in full then that’s just not going to happen.

As others say though, the middle ground might be a shorter stay, no airport collections and cheaper food/ take aways paid for equally.

LadyWiddiothethird · 17/04/2023 12:19

I voted YABU,just say no.

autienotnaughti · 17/04/2023 12:16

I would do a group WhatsApp and say we calculated how much it's costing us per visit and it's xxx per year. We can't afford to subsidise any longer. We love you coming but will need to ask for xxx to cover food/petrol for future visits. Or say no we are busy not in place for visitors right now

Stratocumulus · 17/04/2023 12:15

If you can’t say no, why not, in your mind have a “season” when you will accept guests. Say for example off peak but when it’s nice in May? First come first served!

Get the word around the family that breaks at yours out of season are no longer welcome or that you're both simply not available. Try using the phrase “Sorry those dates don’t work for us this year.” Rinse & repeat as often as necessary,

PollyAmour · 17/04/2023 12:12

Bloody hell, just say no. Or let them stay but self cater. Don't be a doormat.

Lennybenny · 17/04/2023 12:11

Why are you letting them stay/invite themselves?

Whatevs99 · 17/04/2023 12:11

Why can’t you just say no?

Or as a minimum decide you’ll facilitate 2 weeks during the year and whoever is first up wins, but not every single holiday.

No one to blame here except yourself, so you’re a bit U when you can solve this yourself.

CalistoNoSolo · 17/04/2023 12:09

You're allowing this. Either suck it up or say no to visitors.

LadyDanburysHat · 17/04/2023 12:08

You don't have to say yes to them visitng.

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