Relatives Overload

FFS, op, YOU are the problem here!

JUST. SAY. NO.

Stop being such a doormat!

So what is it exactly that you're resenting - your husband not helping, your guests not contributing financially, or using up your annual leave? If you do really 'love them all and want to see them' then deal with these issues. Divide the labour with your husband, ask the guests to pay towards the cost of you hosting, and tell them you will be (mostly) at work when they visit so they'll have to entertain themselves. Stop being a martyr.

Love these threads.. you just say no! You're a sucker for punishment

Either say no (too busy just now, etc.) or set new ground rules:

1. Don't worry so much about cleaning, or insist that DH takes some of the load.
2. Tell visitors ahead of time what they can bring/contribute in the way of money, food, planning.
3. Tell them you won't be able to take time off, drive them, or whatever else is too much effort or sacrifice.
4. Stop feeling like you must play all the roles of the host. You're providing a free room for them and can visit with them during the evenings and weekend, but otherwise, you have to carry on with your life. They may be on holiday, but you're not!

Who's visiting mostly? Your family or his?

Preparation consists of cleaning, getting guest rooms ready and usually spend about £200 on groceries. The rest of the time is cooking, cleaning and planning activities, also transporting them to activities. DH doesn't help much.

That's obviously not acceptable. If it's mostly the in-laws visiting, send around a message that you're redistricting the family workload and DH will be dealing with everything relating to his family's visits, starting from the initial appointment. And then stick with it.

It’s very simple. Give say 4 weeks dates you are prepared to have people to stay, they can hire a car at the weekend, you will provide breakfast, they sort all other meals

OP,

This is completely on you I'm afraid for tolerating this.

You are a real mug, and they know it.

It's really not normal to make your home into a holiday home and yourself a skivvy for your family.

Not normal.

You need to make it very clear what you are (not) willing to offer

Be firm, kind and friendly, but not a pushover

I'd just say that it doesn't work for you due to lifestyle changes( can be whatever you want!)
If you'd like to meet up with anyone in future I'd send a link to local accommodation and airport taxis
You just need to make boundaries clear.
They can't take advantage unless you let him

If you are too soft to say hard no to visits, maybe don’t get any groceries or don’t get guests bedrooms prepared and give them number to Dave the village taxi driver who does airport pick ups at such and such rate. Say that you’d love to see them but from now on it’s all self catering as you are flooded with visitors and just can’t keep up with the free bed and breakfast anymore.

Just say “no, it doesn’t suit, we’re worn out from all the visitors”. Forewarn your DH to say the same.

Is there someone on each side you feel comfortable asking to spread the word around?

Send a round robin type email telling that for the next two years you will not be entertaining family & friends except grandparents, to recharge your batteries. After that be more choosy in who you let stay, and spread the visits out. You're under no compulsion, your generosity has been taken advantage of and not reciprocated.

I voted unreasonable because it's your house and you get to say whether people visit or not. Stop putting up with things you don't want to happen. If you don't want someone to visit, tell them they can't come.

All you need to do is say no...

It really is that simple.

It is your home not a free hotel.

JUST SAY NO. we have seriously just retired and have been living on a carribean island in a condo we bought last november for ONE week today. We have already had 6 requests to come down to see us. only one is being accepted the rest have been told that there are many AI's close by..would they like recommendations? Unless you are our children, or close friends that see us regularly when we lived in canada. NOPE.

DH doesn't help much.

why not?

How rude offering you £30! That just adds insult to injury

but mores to the point why not say no?

I thought of a 6th and 7th question!
Six - If you don't mind them staying (so the prep work and getting the room ready isn't too much of an issue) have you tried saying that they have to pay for all of the food while they are staying with you (e.g. you're turning it into a self catering location that you don't charge them actual rates for using the room but you will not be forking out for extra food). They get to use your home as their base for whatever location you're in but they do not get to use your car or your food.

Seven - have you tried suggesting to them that they hire a car to do the transfer to/from the airport which then gives them the option to go places without you? If not, why not? If you have, how was it received?

I've a few questions in relation to this.

1. Which side of the family is visiting more frequently (yours or your DH's) or is it actually equal?
2. Have you tried saying that you're not available this particular holiday (whatever that might have been) and if so, how did it go? If not, why not?
3. Have you tried saying that you're unable to collect from the airport before and if so, how did that go? Did the guests still show up? If they didn't show, then you know that your family just want to be waited on hand and foot, especially if there are taxis or transfer options available to them.
4. Have you tried saying that you've already made plans and it's not possible for them to visit due to lack of space (e.g. you have different friends coming as guests at the same time)? How did that go? If you haven't, would you think to give that a shot?
5. Have you tried simply saying that you don't want visitors at any given time? If you have, how was that received? If you haven't, why haven't you?

Just a few thoughts rolling around my head after reading your post.

Time to put boundaries in place. As pp you need to start saying no.
People are only taking advantage because you're letting them.

Why don’t you suggest you visit them next time someone asks. And keep repeating that until they get bored

Just. Say. No.

Wow, it's like your family are your bosses yet bizarrely you pay them!

I have no idea why you are allowing this. If you don't like the terms - change the terms. Use your words.

Erm, maybe try saying no