Relatives Overload

Whilst I understand that you don’t want constant visitors, I’ve voted YABU as you can JUST SAY NO!

Stop being a martyr and let people know that you don’t want to host them ; it’s not that hard.

So the problem is you have too many family members who want to come and see you, stay with you, and spend time with you?

If you don't want to see/ host them, just say no, but I think it's pretty awful to complain about the fact that people want to come and visit you. You are lucky.

Presumably they text you a few months in advance asking if those dates are good for you. Just start saying no to some - perhaps only every other week or one in three in the high season. Having been in this position when I was a kid I learned later that our family were also resentful of us as they always had to travel to visit us and we never made the effort to go see them, so resentment can go both ways. You’re in control of it though - stop it before you get resentful.

You could just say no….?

Where's the nearest airport then? How long does that take to drive plus waiting time?! Maybe you mean visitors from abroad coming to the UK but don't some people come in their own car?

To echo many others, stop being a mug and set some limits on number and length of visits, transport, meals etc. The decent people will understand

Fuck that.
Just say you have no annual leave, or you need time to yourself and it’s too much work.
Stop planning everything for them and cooking, say when they book in its £100 towards food.

Just let them know when it is inconvenient either in terms of time or comfort. I would imagine that they ask in advance.

It also sounds as though you may not make any effort to visit them thus sending a subtle message that they or their accommodations are not to your liking or standards.

Whatever the reason, you should be willing to respond to a request consistent with your time and ease of availability. They are not just showing up at your door without prior notification.

As someone who lives in a beautiful tourist area it has taken me just on 20 years to put my foot down on visitors and feeloaders.

Don't be like me.

Say no.

This⬆️

stop being a doormat and say no!

If it were very close family/friends (parents/best friend, but not siblings nor extended family) I'd do it, but I'd ask for a £100 per week fee. To cover fuel, food etc. To the others I'd say, "I can't as I don't have spare annual leave and it costs too much to host everyone. I can reccomend a good local hotel, you can come for dinner at the weekend." You have to think about what you both want, and set the boundaries in a polite way. If they really wanted to see you,
like they say, then they'd book a hotel and visit you. Do not allow yourself to be used.

If you don’t want someone to visit just tell the truth. ‘We’ll love to see you Sheila, but we had a full house every spare minute for the whole of last year. It cost us a fortune and we ended up using all our annual leave collecting people from the airport and being good hosts, and in all honesty we’re knackered and need a break ourselves. We’ll be back down in OldTown in May if you fancy getting together then. I’ll give you a call closer to the time to make plans’.

No more twattish than many on here, my point still stands

Do you visit them? I felt bad for my grandparents, they had a large house by the sea and we went for so many holidays but then they never used to visit anyone so it kind of evened out.

Straight No, not happening anymore.

When we visit family in world

In EUROPE!

YABU to complain about something you're agreeing to over and over again.

right, if you want to come down next month, we'd love to see you. With so many visitors all the time I can't really take more time off work etc etc, so I suggest you hire a car when you get here and let's agree a rota for meal prep?

That. They're family, and family visits (on my world anyway) do not involve being a tour guide or a taxi service. Our family members in the UK drive to us and fit around us, and we do likewise when we visit them.

When we visit family in world we book our own accommodation, and visit/meet up/have days out with them in whatever way for around their schedule.

I'm about to visit relatives on the other side of the world (yes, we have a very large and international extended family!). I've already booked a hire car, and will stay with some relatives and visit others. I'll be responsible for myself and anyone who wants to join me on days out is welcome. But I recognise that they have lives and commitments, and I'm just really appreciative of a bed at a couple of their houses. They also appreciate that I might need some time to myself sometimes. I absolutely do not want them to have to run around after me. I will doubtless take then for meals out/pay for coffees/takeaways, contribute in whatever way they will let me.

You could fix this if you wanted to, OP. You don't want to do that. You want to be a moaning martyr. That's ok but, what a waste of time.

Imagine not doing all these things that you say you don't like doing? My Mum does this. Runs herself ragged, moaning all the way... irritating. But, at least all you're doing is moaning here. Carry on...

😂

Why have you let it get this bad without saying no?

Suggest a couple of nights rather than a week. Tell them they’ll have to make their own way from the airport. Suggest going out to a pub for dinner so everyone can pay for themselves. Or just say, sorry we’re going to have a quiet Easter/Christmas this year etc. You need to set your boundaries where you want them to be.

I don't get it - you end your post by saying, 'I love them and want to see them'. But quite clearly this isn't the case. As other PPs have said, just say NO.

You are allowed a holiday, say you are away next time( you could always have to cxld at last minute when asked how it went), have time off to decorate so you have no visitors, say you’ve turned some rooms into AirB&B or keep it simple and say you’ve never had any time off alone in your own home and are having some staycations. After that you just say no you can’t do x week and when you do agree something say people are going to have to get a taxi from airport and self cater. Also set dates ie 3 nights not 7 because you have x to do before you are back to work. You have a life too

Doesn’t sound as though it’s about the expense. I wouldn’t like to have to play host on every major holiday.