Friend

At the risk of "trotting out" the old MN adage, are you at all ND, OP? It sounds as though your expectations of your friend are based on experiences with your former neighbour.

I have a reasonably diverse range of friends, old and new. I have never turned up uninvited (although once was close by a friend's house and phoned to ask if they were in). I don't expect people to tell my details of their personal lives. We just plan time together as and when our schedules allow and enjoy that time when we meet.

Everyone is different op - your friend and a lonely, elderly lady are not a fair comparison.

Lots of people, myself included hate people showing up unannounced.

😂😂😂😂

Mate, if you're as hard work in person as you come across on here, this friend is holding you at arm's length on purpose.

You're entitled to nothing and nobody owes you their personal information.

Friends aren't obliged to tell you all their private health matters.

I know this is going to be mind blowing, but not everyone is the same!

I’m in a group of 4 friends, and I’m really close with two of them. Two of them will know personal problems, but the other two won’t. Just because I chose to share with one person doesn’t mean I have to share with everyone else.

So what?

OP you sound like hard work. Not everyone thinks like you do. Stop ruminating over this stuff and get a hobby. Or a job if you don't have one. Fill your life with other stuff.

Close friend or not, if you've not at least arranged ahead with me that you are popping round, there is no guarantee I'd invite you in. Sometimes life is chaos. Who wants to drop it at a seconds notice to sit and feel uncomfortable that someone has dropped by unannounced and the place is a shit tip and the milks turned and the toddler has just had a massive crap on the potty?

Nope. Book it in.

Also, you get miffed that she doesn't reply to a video you shared? You get miffed that she didn't tell you her personal medical info?

Yab massively U here.

You’re not a friend, you’re a stalker. Back off.

This sounds more like an acquaintance than a friend.

You might want to look up the definition of friendship and accept that this perhaps isn't one, but instead more like an acquaintance.

Rather than spending too much time dwelling on this, why not get out in the real world and meet some new people, some that you might have more in common with and "gel" with?

This is sounding on the autistic spectrum.

Why do you think you're entitled to know about your friend's illness or where she's been ?

Hi op, not being nosey, wondering if perhaps you are ND and maybe sometimes struggle with social situations?
It can be hard to navigate friendships and understand things like unanswered text. Listen to pp upthread who are giving you advice.

Reply not swoons!

I think you're more caught up in what friends should do from your POV than who they are. Your friends are individuals with their own lives which may be busier at times. You should play it by ear and 'read the room' (ie if they don't swoons for a while that's fine don't keep texting if it's clear they don't want as frequent contact as you initiate)

@Flute56
PPs are trying to give you advice which will help you manage your expectations better

Summary is

• you want a level of friend contact from your friend she doesn't provide or is comfortable for her. She doesn't want to share some info about her health or plans with you. Might be you might be she's like that generally. She's showing you that, please believe her

• just because you would invite an unannounced friend in every time and keep your house tidy it doesn't mean everybody else does or should. I don't as my life is busy, sometimes I won't want an uninvited visitor no matter how much I like them . That's not rude or wrong, it's my life and my preference same as it is your friend's. Text first to ask. Don't take away her choice or control over her life

• you'd be better to back off and see her as an individual with the quirks she has , maybe she's an acquaintance friend not a close friend as you'd define it

• you can't force people to be close friend or interested in same way you are. Value this friend for who SHE is as you may be pushing her away by feeling needy or more demanding than she prefers.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket when that basket doesn't want the eggs!!

Please say that this friend isn't the friend you previously emailed?!

Not even remotely similar circumstances.

You sound nuts she probably thinks you are stalking her...

Having glanced at some of the OP's previous threads, there's certainly a theme of not quite understanding other people, and struggling with deciphering their feelings and intentions.

OP, people here will give you a good steer on how to act in social situations. And you should err on the side of caution when it comes to pushing at social interactions.

I have now seen a thread that the OP has written about her elderly neighbour, seems there was problems with that friendship too.

OP, my impression is that being your friend is hard work. You seem to judge every action of your friends and are very unforgiving if you deem their actions to be below par. If one of their actions is below par then they’re labelled a bad friend. I think I would be exhausted being your friend. Either accept your friends as they are or move on.

Oops, this friend? https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4043185-Got-rid-of-friend?page=1

Having read the thread again I don’t think it is. Not sure why your elderly neighbour was even mentioned.

I think it's to show that elderly friend let OP in every time she appeared at the door so other friend is a cow for not letting her in.

is it this friend OP who everyone told you you were too intense with over 2 years ago?