Friend

Ah, I see.
Thanks for that.

On another thread, she said she was Autistic so I take her at her word there.

If it's very difficult for her to understand boundaries, her friend has been very kind and considerate. Very difficult to explain and OP is being herself so shouldn't feel she's doing anything wrong as such, but just to take a step back and not take it personally.

I remember your other threads - honestly, she has been really clear and very kind with you.

Don't fixate on this too much and try to find other friends and hobbies, you'll be fine OP.

There are loads of friendship threads on MN about how to extricate themselves from one, others complaining how they feel neglected or ignored by their friends so I'm not sure what the relevance of comment from @CheriseNuland but maybe I'm being dumb.

For those saying 'leave OP' alone - this OP has repeatedly posted threads all round the same theme (and yes old threads are relevant) and has received hundreds of comments and pieces of advice, none of which they appear to take on board (evidenced by the repeated threads). So what's the answer? Everyone keeps giving same comments, opinions and advice over again or we all leave them alone and absolutely nobody comments on her threads?
Whether because she is autistic/ND or she is a troll or just desperate for some kind of attention - what's best? we all ignore them or we all say 'there, there OP, you've done nothing wrong, all your friends are awful...' or do we tell them the truth?
I'm not trying to be arsey BTW, it's a genuine question

OP was asked on another thread about this and said she was not.

Are you autistic op?

There was a thread on here not so long ago from someone who was saying they no longer have anything in common with a particular friend.

She said that the friend kept contacting her regularly despite her never reciprocating. She didn’t want to keep seeing this person any more and she was asking what was the best way to end this friendship once and for all; asking her to stop contacting, or to let it fizzle out more gradually.

I too think this OP should be left alone .

I would ordinarily agree with you but on this occasion it is relevant. OP has a history of feeling very hurt and disappointed by those around her. Some, rightly so (tbh I would be upset if I had no access to cash and a good friend didn’t help me out without me having to ask), but some are situations where OP can’t respect boundaries and doesn’t understand them. In that context, this thread is not a one off but one of many, and hopefully OP will take on the advice of others that there is nothing wrong with what her friend is doing.

If you never take patterns of behaviour into account, @midsomermurderess, you must live an endlessly surprising and often disappointing life!

Just leave her alone. Sounds like you got issues hun - or just love drama

I think the previous threads are quite relevant in this instance. It definitely altered the way I thought about the situation.
I feel very sorry for the people OP feels are friends as they will not live up to her expectations of them.

I don’t think it’s fair to dig out and threads. You’re not her counsellor Grace, fgs to be pompously talking about ‘patters of behaviour’. And that ‘skanky’ poster, she’s just wants her shits and giggles. Like I said, there is clearly something odd going on here, apparent from this thread alone. AS is just a bit weird and creepy and you are just trying to justify it.

It's a long-standing pattern of behaviour. The old threads are relevant because of this.

Looks like it's so longstanding, there's little hope of OP learning how to moderate her expectations of friendship. It's quite sad because it upsets her - but it is self-inflicted.

OP you come across more as a stalker than a friend.
Your neighbour was an easy 'fix' for you as she couldn't get away, possibly had poor boundaries due to age/ill health.
Step back and stop pressuring people to be what you think they should be.

I don’t think it’s fair to link to old threads from this poster. As someone said above, clearly there is something odd going in, but digging out old threads, don’t do that. Someone above is breathlessly looking for a link. I doubt her intentions are, shall we say, honourable.

I'm thinking the same @Skankylanky

Oh blimey. I'm pretty sure this OP is not NT.

Here it is https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/dementia/4684720-neighbour?reply=121933093

Definitely a common theme in your previous posts, OP. You have very specific criteria for what makes a person a good friend.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4717374-borrowing-and-lending-money?reply=122986730

Can someone link to the care home thread? I can't find it.

Argh autocorrect Critical not frotic !!

Umm @Flute56 you do get that they are different people different friends and we are all individuals.
To be friends, you need to appreciate who they are and what they like and dislike, not judge as they are different. Surely that's why we all have different friends and appreciate them

I can't help but think you're missing the point about being a friend and truly liking ans valuing them for who they are.

(Rather than being frotic towards your friend for having different views than you. Her behaviour doesn't sound unreasonable at all if you can see it from a different perspective outside of your own)

I have always hated unexpected visitors.

I work all week, my time at home is my time to catch up with housework, catch up with family, catch up with any tv I might want to watch or books I want to read, and I like to do all of this either alone or in the company of my Husband.

I don't want anyone turning up at my house unannounced.

I don't mind planned visits (as long as they don't go on for more than a couple of hours, then I get a bit twitchy because I could be doing something else...).

I used to hate it when my children were young and different friends would come round to my house with their young children who would then proceed to rampage through my house, up the stairs, messing in the bathroom, messing in the bedrooms... I just hated it and would always prefer to meet friends outside of the house (park etc).

I used to think I was weird because of this, now I'm older I really don't care and accept that it's just the way I am and I'm happy with it.

I've gone off on a bit of a tangent but my point is that not everyone likes unplanned visits, whether you are bearing gifts or not!

A friend has on occasion 'accused' me of bring secretive. We're just different people - they need to talk about everything, I prefer not to focus on the difficult stuff when I'm with friends because it's better for me to enjoy myself rather than going over (and over) an unpleasant situation. Doesn't mean I won't confide in someone when I need to, I just do it differently to them.