To be so angry with ‘DH’

Maisemoo · 2023-04-14T18:14:28+00:00

I was bought a pair of trainers for my birthday by my DM- they were expensive at £180 in comparison to my normal converse so use them when I know not muddy etc. Cleaning hall and found them covered in paint and mud- DH saw them and hadn’t seen me in them for a few weeks (baring in mind he works away 4 nights a week so doesn’t see me everyday) so decided to use them for work- he works in a building site! they are completely ruined and stink of sweaty man feet and I am really upset as they are not just something I can replace due to cost. DH thinks I am being dramatic and has whacked them in the washing machine- but I hate trainers in the washing machine as they never feel the same and right now am so angry I want to throw them in the bin or at at his face

T1Dmama · 22/04/2023 19:53

mainsfed · 17/04/2023 14:10

It’s fine to find small feet appealing.

It’s quite another thing to be nasty and make 🤮 faces at women for being with men with small feet.

Some have even invited OP to giggle along with them about her DH’s probable small penis. The fact that OP has ignored them should tell you she doesn’t like it.

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who Looks at a man’s feet when dating them anyway 😂😂 people on mumsnet can be crazy!
There really is no correlation between feet and penis size…. People need to grow up----

T1Dmama · 22/04/2023 19:49

mumarooni · 17/04/2023 15:51

I think we have to agree to disagree on the 'need' here. But that's OK. I wont derail the thread by getting into where/what I buy. It was an AIBU, and from my perspective, the OP is not being unreasonable for being cross, but yes for wanting another pair when they still function they are just dirty. I see I am literally alone on that. I don't think either of us is going to convince the other on this one. Might just be a personal thing about the value of 'newness' that I just don't get.

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I agree expensive doesn’t always equal better…. I remember as a kid having to save for my first pair of ‘named’ trainers as mum and dad had a budget they were willing to spend…. So I saved like mad and bought my first pair of expensive trainers, only to find they fell apart within a couple of months…. I’ve never spent a lot on foot wear since!
However I disagree that OP’s shoes are “just dirty”…. Being covered in paint etc isn’t just dirty, and trainers through the washing machine are definitely never the same again. They were also a gift so I think for this matter alone they need replacing so the gifter of them doesn’t think she didn’t appreciate the gift and just trashed them…

mandlerparr · 22/04/2023 18:27

Even if he did buy them, she was using them, and you don't get to just take back a gift because you don't think it is being used in the way you think it should be used or not used as often as you think it should be used.

Original poster

Maisemoo · 22/04/2023 18:01

Bank accounts are we both pay into joint account for bills, food etc- he pays more due to earning significantly more and then same system for a savings/ holiday fund with both left with similar ‘spends’ for the month

OP posts:

Stewball01 · 22/04/2023 14:40

How are your bank accounts worked? The same account or separate? Maybe you can take his money and buy them?

He must replace them. I think he ruined them on purpose. Jealous your mum bought you a special gift. No gifts for him this year. What a bugger.

mumarooni · 17/04/2023 15:51

MaroonCow · 17/04/2023 13:43

A £180 pair is far less likely to have been made in a sweatshop from shoddy materials that will fall apart easily than a £35 pair. If you think you're unusual or helping the planet because of buying cheap clothes, you're very wrong.

She bought them because she needed them. The waste came from her husband trashing them. Now she needs them again.

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I think we have to agree to disagree on the 'need' here. But that's OK. I wont derail the thread by getting into where/what I buy. It was an AIBU, and from my perspective, the OP is not being unreasonable for being cross, but yes for wanting another pair when they still function they are just dirty. I see I am literally alone on that. I don't think either of us is going to convince the other on this one. Might just be a personal thing about the value of 'newness' that I just don't get.

mainsfed · 17/04/2023 14:10

TiedUpWithABlackVelvetBand · 15/04/2023 22:12

Honestly, what does it matter if some people find small feet on men unappealing? It has nothing to do with you (generic).

Attraction isn’t an equal opportunities exercise - people can write others off for whatever flimsy reason they wish, like it or not. And it’s nothing to do with anyone else.

It’s fine to find small feet appealing.

It’s quite another thing to be nasty and make 🤮 faces at women for being with men with small feet.

Some have even invited OP to giggle along with them about her DH’s probable small penis. The fact that OP has ignored them should tell you she doesn’t like it.

MaroonCow · 17/04/2023 13:43

mumarooni · 17/04/2023 09:20

Because waste trumps fairness in my book but I can see that im unusualfrom all the other replies. We just don't have/buy many new things, and we certainly expect them to hold value until they are falling apart. So I'd expect apologies yes, and making up for it, and washing them, but a second pair wouldn't happen in this house. The world needs less trainers.

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A £180 pair is far less likely to have been made in a sweatshop from shoddy materials that will fall apart easily than a £35 pair. If you think you're unusual or helping the planet because of buying cheap clothes, you're very wrong.

She bought them because she needed them. The waste came from her husband trashing them. Now she needs them again.

mumarooni · 17/04/2023 09:20

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 16/04/2023 13:51

Why doesn't he owe her new shoes?
He chose to wear her trainers and get them covered in mud and paint.
There is nothing even a little bit dramatic about OP expecting a replacement pair.

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Because waste trumps fairness in my book but I can see that im unusualfrom all the other replies. We just don't have/buy many new things, and we certainly expect them to hold value until they are falling apart. So I'd expect apologies yes, and making up for it, and washing them, but a second pair wouldn't happen in this house. The world needs less trainers.

SparklyBlackKitten · 16/04/2023 22:28

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T1Dmama · 16/04/2023 22:15

It is totally unreasonable of him to use your trainers without first asking… end of!
He needs to replace your trainers and stop wearing your belongings.
I would go crazy if someone took my belongings without asking and then trashed them!
If he doesn’t replace them I’d be crazy !

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 16/04/2023 13:51

mumarooni · 14/04/2023 19:26

Sorry going to go against the grain, he owes u an apology for sure but new shoes?! That seems mad to me. So wasteful. It's not fair you don't get them as new, but I from my perspective new shoes is overkill. But then I have a £35 pair of trsiners and have had the same ones for years and years so I appreciate I'm not normal.

Why doesn't he owe her new shoes?
He chose to wear her trainers and get them covered in mud and paint.
There is nothing even a little bit dramatic about OP expecting a replacement pair.

piedbeauty · 16/04/2023 13:39

lillysmom · 15/04/2023 19:47

He doesn't owe you any replacement. He would if you had bought them, but you didn't. He spent a lot of money, saw you not using them, and decided to use them himself.
Granted, the man is petty and should have told you he got hurt, disappointed, or whatever. But still you didn't pay for them, so no replacement.

Don't be daft. They weren't his shoes. Doesn't matter who bought them. They are OP's. Her h should buy her a new pair.

Ukrainebaby23 · 16/04/2023 06:36

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 14/04/2023 19:23

How mad that he thought new/good condition trainers, that weren't even his, would be suitable to wear to work on a building site. At the very least he should have asked if he could wear them.

I'd definitely be insisting he replace them like for like.

As an aside, don't people working on building sites have to wear safety footwear?

Absolutely, why would you wear new trainers, even your own, to something that was a mucky job, what a show-off thing to do.

Snugglemonkey · 15/04/2023 22:54

RedHelenB · 14/04/2023 19:22

Wait and see how they are after a wash.

Why? They will never be the same shoes. They need replacing.

TiedUpWithABlackVelvetBand · 15/04/2023 22:12

Honestly, what does it matter if some people find small feet on men unappealing? It has nothing to do with you (generic).

Attraction isn’t an equal opportunities exercise - people can write others off for whatever flimsy reason they wish, like it or not. And it’s nothing to do with anyone else.

Whattodo46 · 15/04/2023 22:01

Myself and my dh both have size 8 feet. He would never wear a pair of my trainers, even though we both own very similar styles.

OP I would be furious if dh Wore my trainers and ruined them. You are not being unreasonable, I would request that he gets saving to buy you a new pair!

oosha · 15/04/2023 21:12

I would go absolutely f**king mental, I would expect him to replace them. I hate it when other people use my stuff and don’t take care of it like i would. It’s just disrespectful.

mnisannoyingAF · 15/04/2023 21:05

@Mustardandchickensandwiches wow, how sweet are you?

Mustardandchickensandwiches · 15/04/2023 21:04

mnisannoyingAF · 15/04/2023 20:06

My husband is size 7. You sound revolting saying that tbh

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🤮

HumphreysCorner · 15/04/2023 20:25

Absolutely in the nearest bin 🗑️

Sisterwinter1969 · 15/04/2023 20:24

First World pathetic problems.

mnisannoyingAF · 15/04/2023 20:07

@SwearySweary nope I can confirm it does not equal small "pee pee" 😜

mnisannoyingAF · 15/04/2023 20:06

Mustardandchickensandwiches · 14/04/2023 19:28

I cannot get over that you've slept with a man with size 7 feet.

Is he 4ft5?

For some reason I find the thought of a man with small feet revolting.

My husband is size 7. You sound revolting saying that tbh

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 15/04/2023 20:05

@neighboursmustliveon I can't believe how many people must buy into the fact women are small and men are big 😂