Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry by response

90 replies

Richierich77 · 14/04/2023 17:48

I’m not sure if I am overthinking or over reacting but now I’m home I am really annoyed.
My ex & I share 1 DD (9) & we have week on week off arrangement as we live in spitting distance so works well.
My ex contacted me on Wed to ask if I could collect DD at 3 today as he couldn’t get out of work for usual drop off as he has been asked to cover for unwell colleague & his wife is going out at 5 so wouldn’t be able to have her longer, I told him that I as I finish work at 4 & after commute couldn’t her there until 4:30/45 ish which he said was fine. Unfortunately I couldn’t leave exactly at 4 so got there at 4:55 & his wife was fuming.

BTW she & I have no bad blood at all but she was so angry as she said I’d delayed her plans & that she’d have to rearrange her travel arrangements because she thought I was coming latest at 4:45 & that I’d ruined her evening because she had to rearrange things. I get that I was later but only by 10 mins so I fail to understand how it’s ruined her evening.

AIBU so should offer her a genuine apology
AINBU just let her suck it up & ignore

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
IamnotSethRogan · 21/06/2023 10:30

As pp said, I can see why she's annoyed etc but these things to happen and you do sound like a reasonable person.

I do think it would have been good to offer her a lift though!

ZebraD · 21/06/2023 10:11

It doesn’t really matter whether you think you ruined her evening. If you normally get on with her alright then it seems to me that her upset was genuine. You agreed to collect DD and you were late, so just apologise. It’s really simple!

Caroparo52 · 12/06/2023 20:33

You tried to be accommodating.
You got bollocked for it.
Lesson learnt.
Don't offer again

Usernamesarenoteasy · 14/04/2023 21:19

Whilst I think you should definitely apologise, I don't really think you've done much wrong.
I wouldn't arrange to be picked up 5 minutes after the kids were being picked up, that's not a lot of leeway if anyone gets stuck in traffic.
I also wouldn't have text or called if I was the one running late, as I would have been driving, so unable to do so safely.
But definitely apologise. Sounds like the three of you normally get on really well.

Slidingdowntherainbow · 14/04/2023 20:59

These things happen. She has every right to be annoyed but equally you have every right to feel you did all you could

It really is just one of those "shit happens" moments. Hopefully you can both move on.

Original poster
Richierich77 · 14/04/2023 20:58

arethereanyleftatall · 14/04/2023 20:56

It's probably time to get each others numbers then. All this could have been resolved with a phone call.

Good point, I should have

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 14/04/2023 20:56

It's probably time to get each others numbers then. All this could have been resolved with a phone call.

Original poster
Richierich77 · 14/04/2023 20:50

Irritateandunreasonable · 14/04/2023 20:26

My son is 11 ND. I could leave him for an hour max.

Show quote history

I don’t think she’d do that without letting me know tbh

OP posts:
Irritateandunreasonable · 14/04/2023 20:26

arethereanyleftatall · 14/04/2023 20:03

9 years old and NT? I would have just found out how far away you were and left her alone for the half an hour. I actually think it's important to start leaving kids around 9 for small amounts of time to work in small steps towards the fact they could be left all day as soon as they get to year 7.

My son is 11 ND. I could leave him for an hour max.

Wishitsnows · 14/04/2023 20:20

Well if they ask you to do them a favour in future you’ll know to say no!

MaknCheeese · 14/04/2023 20:19

If she had agreed to pick up early from you as a favour and then arrived late without messaging you, how would you feel?

The very least you should have done was keep her informed that you were running late.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/04/2023 20:16

arethereanyleftatall · 14/04/2023 20:03

9 years old and NT? I would have just found out how far away you were and left her alone for the half an hour. I actually think it's important to start leaving kids around 9 for small amounts of time to work in small steps towards the fact they could be left all day as soon as they get to year 7.

I've read more properly...5 minutes!! 4.50 till 4.55!! With some communication between the two of you (started by you), a 9 year old can surely be left 5 minutes?! I have longer poos than that.

MargaretThursday · 14/04/2023 20:14

If you put it this way, let's say someone asks me if I can babysit for them from 4pm, a friend, not for money. I say I can get there between 4:30 and 4:45 and they say yes please.
If I then was delayed and didn't turn up to 4:55 I'd expect to message them to let them know I was running late, and I'd come into the house apologising for being late.

Not because they're doing me a favour-I'm doing them a favour. But because I wasn't doing what I had agreed.

So if you take his child/your child and whose responsibility they are etc, I'd still say you should have apologised.

Justalittlebitduckling · 14/04/2023 20:06

Next time they can pay for a babysitter.

GoodChat · 14/04/2023 20:06

@TorchwoodWho that still doesn't make any of this her fault

arethereanyleftatall · 14/04/2023 20:03

9 years old and NT? I would have just found out how far away you were and left her alone for the half an hour. I actually think it's important to start leaving kids around 9 for small amounts of time to work in small steps towards the fact they could be left all day as soon as they get to year 7.

Original poster
Richierich77 · 14/04/2023 19:57

I think I was angry about her reaction but now I reflect I get it. I guess knee jerk reaction. She’s never been angry with me before so suppose I wasn’t expecting that reaction. I am sorry if I delayed her plans tbh as she didn’t know I would be late if ex couldn’t tell her.

OP posts:
MissMaple82 · 14/04/2023 19:53

Richierich77 · 14/04/2023 18:58

Because her friend was picking her up at end of road for 4:50 so she assumed DD would be picked up at 4:45 latest. Now I read back I can see how she is pissed off

Show quote history

Well she should be angry at her so-called friend for not hanging fire for a few minutes!

TheWorldisGoingMad · 14/04/2023 19:52

Richierich77 · 14/04/2023 19:44

I pick her up on Sat morning but that’s irrelevant we co parent effectively as no animosity, don’t usually have a problem with this at all

Show quote history

If your Ex works on a ward and you're both in the same field, I can understand you may be delayed through no fault of your own. I think you can explain this to her in your apology, so that she may also see she was being overly harsh.

Imagine, for example, you were trying to save someone's life. You can't just stop and say, sorry, have to go now...

10 minutes is not the end of the world in the grand scheme of things, There are bigger things in life to worry about.,

MissMaple82 · 14/04/2023 19:51

Leave her to it. The dad shouldn't have agreed to work overtime as he had commitments. You've done wrong, shit happens, 10 mins is hardly ruining her life, the big drama queen.

TorchwoodWho · 14/04/2023 19:50

GoodChat · 14/04/2023 19:30

The woman was doing her DP a favour too, though, and he told her she'd be fine to stick with her original plans. Just because OP did her ex a favour, doesn't mean this woman should feel the impact.

Show quote history

OP could have been unable to do the favour then her plans would have been completely ruined.

Original poster
Richierich77 · 14/04/2023 19:44

Ktime · 14/04/2023 19:37

What time do you usually pick up dd?

Surely she should be more annoyed at your ex?

I pick her up on Sat morning but that’s irrelevant we co parent effectively as no animosity, don’t usually have a problem with this at all

OP posts:
Ktime · 14/04/2023 19:38

*her husband

Ktime · 14/04/2023 19:38

Iyjd · 14/04/2023 19:31

And his wife was doing her husband and his ex a favour looking after their child. I would expect the parents plans to be impacted before the person helping you out.

Show quote history

Surely she was doing ex a favour? He’s the one who asked OP.

Ktime · 14/04/2023 19:37

What time do you usually pick up dd?

Surely she should be more annoyed at your ex?

Swipe left for the next trending thread