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Original poster

16 Year Old Daughter sat on fathers knee. Disgusting?

464 replies

RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 15:12

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

OP posts:
Terven · 12/04/2023 17:50

You’ll never be able to give your daughters a hug with person around. The first seed has already been sowed.

Bouncybits · 12/04/2023 17:45

My 16 yr old still gets in bed with me on a Saturday morning for a hug just like they’ve done their whole life . They’re always our babies no matter how big they get

KarmaStar · 12/04/2023 12:28

Get rid.she is jealous of your dd..

newnamethanks · 12/04/2023 11:38

Your partner has unresolved issues. She's probably not the one for you. Enjoy your children while you can.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 12/04/2023 11:35

I think it's lovely that you are so close. New gf sounds jealous. Not everything needs sexualising and it 's damaging to do so.

JimmyDurham · 12/04/2023 11:23

Your partner is seriously out-of-order. I'd be getting rid of her TBH if I was you.

zingally · 12/04/2023 11:21

What a nutter. Get rid.

Lozois99 · 12/04/2023 10:12

She's jealous and has let her mind go to a bad place with it. She probably won't change.

MotherofBingo · 12/04/2023 08:02

Very strange. The girlfriend that is, not you and your DD! It sounds like she's got some serious internalised misogyny going on too, why is it OK for her boys to hug someone who's relatively new to them but not ok for your daughter to hug her dad.

I'm not a tactile person at all and find a lot of affection towards me uncomfortable, but it's lovely to see affection between others.

londonrach · 12/04/2023 07:08

Very normal. Your partner reaction isn't!!! Huge red flag

readbooksdrinktea · 12/04/2023 07:06

So, what are you planning to do?

Glittertwins · 12/04/2023 06:03

That update is even worse in my opinion. Why okay for boys ?

Fansandblankets · 11/04/2023 23:12

She’s weird, I’m sorry. A … your daughter is not an adult and B… there’s nothing wrong with a father and daughter showing affection to each other. My 17 year old daughter and 16 year old son hug their dad and me all the time.

JMSA · 11/04/2023 23:08

I have a 16 year old daughter, and I know that she would find it really odd to sit on her father's knee. She's too big and too old.
But your partner was still out of order to behave as she did.

LizzieW1969 · 11/04/2023 22:39

I’m sorry to say that what she said was completely out of order. I understand about triggering, as I was a victim of CSA (by my F), but I can see that it’s my own issue to deal with, so would never cast aspersions on a loving father showing affection in a tactile way to his DDs. (Like my DH does with our DDs.)

Plus, the sulking is really poor behaviour on top of her disgusting insinuations.

MammaMacgill87 · 11/04/2023 21:38

I sat on my dad's knee till I was 27 (untill he passed)
I often forget that not everyone has had a healthy relationship with their father growing up which often leads to all sort of strange opinions.
It strikes me as jealousy honestly which is weird in itself

Cosyblankets · 11/04/2023 21:35

Jealous possessive and controlling
Get rid

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 11/04/2023 21:34

thinks this is totally different as they are boys.

So she is making a clear sexual implication to your relationship with your DD…

What are you going to do??

Original poster
RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 21:28

Wow! Thank you all for your comments.

I was really angry about the implication that there was something untoward in an innocent act of affection. I still am.
She has two boys who are aged either side of my daughter and both of whom give me a big hug when I go round, and their grandfather and aunt.
I found this slightly uncomfortable at first, but their mother is fine with this and thinks this is totally different as they are boys.

OP posts:
winterchills · 11/04/2023 21:22

Wtf!!! What a weird controlling woman! Get rid. Poor you and your daughter being made to think thats wrong!!

maddy68 · 11/04/2023 21:17

She's bonkers. Completely normal ;)

TheFormidableMrsC · 11/04/2023 21:03

This is red flag behaviour. It'll be just the start of pushing a wedge between you and your girls. She's jealous. Her reaction is utterly ridiculous. I'd be running a mile if I were you!

redbigbananafeet · 11/04/2023 20:28

Amantissima · 11/04/2023 15:24

She sounds as if she's sexualising your relationship with your teenage daughter AND views her as some kind of rival for your affection/intention.

💯 and it's weird as hell. I remember my ex saying something similar when I was pretend wrestling with my cousin and it always stuck with me as creepy and possessive.

CheriseNuland · 11/04/2023 20:19

Has op come back? I’m wondering what he thinks of all the support he’s getting here.

NoWayRose · 11/04/2023 20:16

Bin bin bin. Cherish that your daughter is still that close to you. She lives in bizzaro world.