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Original poster

16 Year Old Daughter sat on fathers knee. Disgusting?

464 replies

RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 15:12

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

OP posts:
laylababe5 · 12/04/2023 19:41

I suspect this woman has some deeo seated trauma. I wouldn't blink an eye at sitting on my Dad's knee. He is 74 and I'm 45. It's a lovely gesture of the love the two of you have and is totally normal.

LaDamaDeElche · 12/04/2023 19:34

Not only is her reaction weird, jealous and controlling about your daughter, she also acted like a dick on your bday by getting arsed with you over nothing. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Things will only get worse. Probably better if you chalk this down to dodging a bullet and move the relationship stays from new to ex partner.

GanjaDhin · 12/04/2023 19:34

She might have realised for the first time that you love your kids and feels she'll be competing for attention. In other words, she's jealous. I don't think it's going to work out.

CM1897 · 12/04/2023 19:28

RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 15:12

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

Your partner has a disturbing way of thinking. Run away

Sundelight · 12/04/2023 19:27

I think it may be due to her upbringing, this wasn't a norm in my family and I personally would be uncomfortable. But she knows you well enough to know that it was entirely appropriate. So I don't know with this one

emmylousings · 12/04/2023 19:25

At that age I was still affectionate with my dad, and if anyone had said anything about it, I would have told them that they were the one with the problem (sexualising innocent interactions) not me.

ChrisPPancake · 12/04/2023 19:25

Your partner has ishooos.

WellingtonBoot · 12/04/2023 19:24

My 20yr-old daughter would think nothing of sitting on my knee, or her mum's knee either. I'm glad she's that secure in her relationship with us that she feels she can.

Serrina · 12/04/2023 19:16

Sorry if this has already been asked, but could it be possible that your partner was abused in childhood? Because that could explain her reaction

Mammyloveswine · 12/04/2023 19:12

Are you joking?! I still sit on my dads knee every once in a while for a cuddle and I'm 36 and he's 70!

Your partner is being absolutely ridiculous and will damage your relationships with your daughters.

This reaction is a major red flag and deal breaker.

Lisapeter · 12/04/2023 19:12

Obviously your partner is the one who has issues. Keep being a lovely caring father and don't change.

katepilar · 12/04/2023 19:12

I actually start to wonder whether she had some unpleasant experiences herself and your daughter's behaviour triggered emotions.

Mumof3confused · 12/04/2023 19:10

This is a massive red flag and you know this. Personally I would be reconsidering my relationship with her.

katepilar · 12/04/2023 19:09

Perfectly fine in my world. I would be worried about your girlfriend finding it disgusting and about how she possible sees your daughter as a rival /conciously or not/. Also the moodiness for such a long time is a bit worrying, just in itself.

Jkrowlingsarmy · 12/04/2023 19:05

Her reaction is insane. It’s not disgusting. You’re her father - I think it’s wonderful you are so open with your affection; I wish mine had been like that growing up.

her interpretation of it is disturbing - she’s added a sexual element where there is none.

HappyMe6 · 12/04/2023 19:04

She’s jealous why on earth would she even think that! She has a weird mind

Daddydog · 12/04/2023 19:04

Wow OP, says a lot about her mindset. Maybe she's processing something from her past? It's not the most normal reaction. I've got two amazing daughters, much younger but the eldest is going through the 'Daddy's my hero' phase and would hang off me 24/7 if she could. It makes me want to be the best dad possible to be worthy of that admiration. I'm 5,500 miles away from my girls right now and all I can think about is snuggling up on the sofa and watching never ending Disney+ next week! I'm sure you adore your partner OP, just talk to her to find out why she has a reaction to something so normal.

Trishthedish · 12/04/2023 19:02

Your partner’s reaction is weird. I often cuddled my dad, never left my parents house without a kiss and a hug, and my children (both in their 30’s) are the same with us. Cuddle your girls they love you and you love them.

Missingpop · 12/04/2023 19:00

She’s a complete nutcase nothing wrong at all but I’d be extremely concerned about what she’s implying & why she feels it’s ok to imply such an outlandish statement

Gingerstars · 12/04/2023 19:00

16 or 60 you are never to old to sit on your dads knee to give them a hug.

Lollipop81 · 12/04/2023 19:00

her reaction is weird she is clearly jealous. I take it she isn’t their mother. I would run for the hills.

DGay · 12/04/2023 18:55

Streaky1 · 12/04/2023 18:49

So people who have been sexually abused have something wrong with them? Wow, they really don't they've just had a really shit experience of life that unfortunately can leave them with a lifetime of fears

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That isn't what I meant at all. She may have been abused and that is why she reacted that way. I've been myself when I was 6.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 12/04/2023 18:51

No it's completely normal. It's a hug. I'd cuddle my dad like that and I'm 28.

Your partners a weirdo. Her thoughts are the abnormal thing here. Your daughters not even an adult so her comment doesn't even make sense in that way.

Atticus999 · 12/04/2023 18:50

She sounds like a total freak for reacting that way.

Streaky1 · 12/04/2023 18:49

DGay · 12/04/2023 18:42

Agree and she'd probably report him as a pedophile. Something wrong with her. Probably sexual abused as a child.

Show quote history

So people who have been sexually abused have something wrong with them? Wow, they really don't they've just had a really shit experience of life that unfortunately can leave them with a lifetime of fears