Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

16 Year Old Daughter sat on fathers knee. Disgusting?

464 replies

RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 15:12

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

OP posts:
Bignanny30 · 12/04/2023 23:10

Maybe she was abused and sees affection between a father and daughter differently to most of us because of that.

Atsocta · 12/04/2023 23:09

Bless you, just know it’s not you that has the problem

Lisapeter · 12/04/2023 23:03

I agree with not kissing children on the lips. I know some do and each to their own but nope not for me. I did have an issue with my cousin one time she had met a man when she was pregnant to some one else so new partner took the child on as if his own which was nice. When she was about 2 I had gone round there and asked where little one was and she said in the bath with her partner.... father or not I didnt agree with this.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 12/04/2023 22:47

RedFlags1 · 12/04/2023 22:30

Thank you for all of the messages.
I do really appreciate the support and everyone taking the time to reply
This is actually the 4th issue involving my daughter where she has reacted in a completely over the top manner, all slightly different but with a similar theme that it is inappropriate for me to spend time alone with my daughter.
I have other children who are older and they have not elicited similar reactions...
There is a lot to take in......

I had a feeling you’d posted before…

When are you actually going to listen to people before she damages your relationship with your daughter?

She’s very jealous of your child and is deliberately trying to put a wedge between you. If you don’t deal with it then at some point she will succeed.

LovelyIssues · 12/04/2023 22:42

The fact she would find that disturbing is in itself disturbing OP. I'm 34 and sit on my Dad's knee lol

UndertheCedartree · 12/04/2023 22:40

As long as it is consensual and both parties are comfortable with it then it is fine.

readbooksdrinktea · 12/04/2023 22:40

If this is an issue that keeps happening, I really don't understand why you're still in that relationship. It probably makes your daughter feel like shit that completely normal interactions with her father are made into something inappropriate. Is this woman really worth that?

Be the father everyone on this thread is praising you for being. Put your daughter first.

WrenNatsworthy · 12/04/2023 22:37

If you stay with her, get your poor daughter to send me a PM. I have 45 years of experience to pass on.

I used to think it was my fault. She has caused me so much upset and anxiety my entire life. I spent years trying to make her like me.

My Dad can't even mention me to her now because she will give him the silent treatment.

Please, please, please put your daughter first.

Blort · 12/04/2023 22:34

Is it possible your partner has had unwanted affection as a child? Her reaction could be trauma based- qlong with everyone here I agree it seems really out of place.

Original poster
RedFlags1 · 12/04/2023 22:30

Thank you for all of the messages.
I do really appreciate the support and everyone taking the time to reply
This is actually the 4th issue involving my daughter where she has reacted in a completely over the top manner, all slightly different but with a similar theme that it is inappropriate for me to spend time alone with my daughter.
I have other children who are older and they have not elicited similar reactions...
There is a lot to take in......

OP posts:
Pheefifofuckthisshit · 12/04/2023 22:04

You sound like a lovely parent with a great bond with your children.

Your girlfriend trying to sexualise an innocent moment is sickening.

changeme4this · 12/04/2023 22:00

Your relationship with your daughter is fine, get rid of the partner. I would be worried how she views your daughter in general.

WrenNatsworthy · 12/04/2023 21:39

My Dad's wife has been jealous of me cuddling my Dad since I was 5.

She'd be furious if I ever tried to sit on his lap or cuddle him. I'm now 50 and she is still so jealous that my Dad has to sneak out to see me. He only rings me when she isn't there. She has two sons and they both call my Dad their Dad.

Please, nip this in the bud like my Dad should have done.

Bluebellsarebest · 12/04/2023 21:32

mmm, you and your DCs are better off moving on from this one. Even if she does have experiences which may explain her reaction, her inability or unwillingness to think about another (your) perspective is a big worry to me. Find a partner who appreciates what a lovely dad you must be

BaconChops · 12/04/2023 21:30

They’re your kids, good for you having a close relationship with them. Few red flags in the jealousy department with your new partner though 🙄

Atsocta · 12/04/2023 21:28

Oh my, what on earth is wrong with your partner ? She’s not right!
keep hugging your daughters and remove your partner
she’s the disgusting one with a big problem, the world needs more loving Fathers like you x

Mikki77 · 12/04/2023 21:26

This says a lot about her. Get rid unless she opens up and explains her reaction!

strawberryseed · 12/04/2023 21:23

Agree, bin her. Glad you can snuggle your 16 year old. Long may it continue.

Caiti19 · 12/04/2023 21:17

Time to make your new partner your ex.

eastegg · 12/04/2023 21:16

Sorry to say OP, but this signals the end of the relationship doesn’t it? Even if you don’t end it, presumably she will if she feels this way about what she’s seen? Fwiw I think you’ll be well rid.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you’ve described btw.

RachaelN · 12/04/2023 21:16

Yikes. She is showing jealousy and tbh she has reacted very strangely to a normal father daughter interaction. I would run a mile!

Vynalbob · 12/04/2023 21:13

Either
She's weird & jealous and sees her as a rival
Or
It brings bad memories to her of a abnormal or abusive relationship someone had either with her or someone very close.

Either way it's going to be a hard work keeping the relationship without it draining from the good relationship you have with your kids (adult or not).

Over40andNotalotofpatienceleft · 12/04/2023 21:08

Red flag! She’s odd.

Lollypop701 · 12/04/2023 21:02

So it’s ok for males to hug/cuddle as that’s affection ( even if it makes other person uncomfortable) but if girls show similar affection then it’s sexual… I’d ask for an explanation as to the reasoning behind this

SarahsHoneydew · 12/04/2023 21:01

Sounds like jealousy to me, not good!

Swipe left for the next trending thread