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Original poster

16 Year Old Daughter sat on fathers knee. Disgusting?

464 replies

RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 15:12

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

OP posts:
SammyScrounge · 11/04/2023 16:54

Run for your life! This woman's reaction.was abnormal .seeming to imply something unhealthy in your relationship with your daughter. That suggests a twisted mind or a misplaced jealousy. And why does she refer to your daughter as an adult woman when she's hardly that? Whatever is going on in this woman's mind, it will not end well for your daughter if you continue this new relationship. Get rid of her.before she starts.being nasty to your daughter and drives her away.

Poppyblush · 11/04/2023 16:54

ditch the girlfriend!

Greyarea12 · 11/04/2023 16:54

If this was me i would turn it right back on her and say - now that I have given it some thought, I find you sexualising my 16 year old sitting on my knee really disturbing and warped and I can't be with someone who is so clearly disturbed.

ittakes2 · 11/04/2023 16:53

It’s a red flag she is going to be jealous of your relationship with your daughter I think. I would see it as a huge plus that a father had such a close relationship with his teen daughter - that he was a man that respected females as his daughter valued him.

CheshireCat1 · 11/04/2023 16:53

The issue lies with your partner, not you and your daughter.

BellePeppa · 11/04/2023 16:49

Gatehouse77 · 11/04/2023 15:25

I was brought up in a house which was far from tactile. I can only remember a couple of occasions when my father hugged me (because he was happy, nothing to do with me). I can remember thinking how odd it seemed to me when his nieces or nephew would sit on their Dad's lap or even drape themselves across the top of the sofa kind of thing. But, mostly, I was envious of the wonderful relationship they clearly had with their Dad. Someone who they felt so safe and secure with they could just be themselves in his company. Someone who had shown them tactile affection that they wanted to return.

So, disgusting it is not but it can seem weird if it's far from your normal or, dare I say, it's being misconstrued due to personal experience.

Same as my house but I remember visiting some relatives and they were much more tactile with each other. My cousin was draped all over her parents and I remember thinking, not that’s disgusting, but how nice it was they were so close and relaxed with each other as I couldn’t imagine being like that with my own parents. I think you can tell if it’s healthy and if it’s not.

billy1966 · 11/04/2023 16:49

What an ugly reaction.

Dump her.

WilsonMilson · 11/04/2023 16:48

You sound like a great dad. Your partner is the weird one to take an innocent fatherly hug and turn it into something seedy and wrong - says a lot about her. She sounds jealous and quite honestly, I’d be considering whether you want a future with her.

LuvSmallDogs · 11/04/2023 16:48

It is not something done in my family at that age, but I know it's normal for other families.

She sounds jealous, which is pretty gross. I could understand a victim of child abuse finding it uncomfortable to witness certain acts of affection that they associated with the abuse, but you still couldn't let that rule you and your DDs lives.

Pubesofsoberness · 11/04/2023 16:47

I wouldn't care what her issues are, I'd just get rid

BonoboBeans · 11/04/2023 16:46

I wonder if your girlfriend was sexually abused as a child. In any event, break up.

ShowUs · 11/04/2023 16:44

I would end my relationship if my partner implied I was a peado.

I’m sure she has issues in her own past which is why she feels this way but that is not an excuse to accuse you of something so vile.

MissMaple82 · 11/04/2023 16:44

It's not abnormal at all. You need get rid of that one!!!

readbooksdrinktea · 11/04/2023 16:44

Maximo2 · 11/04/2023 15:15

It’s her reaction that is weird and disgusting. Get rid!

Absolutely this. Really consider this relationship before you wreck the one you have with your daughter. Seriously.

Glittertwins · 11/04/2023 16:41

I think your partner has a big problem!!

Comfies · 11/04/2023 16:40

You're fine. She's nuts

QuintanaRoo · 11/04/2023 16:39

I would dump her ass for being so mardy and controlling……sounds like she’s jealous.

TheGuv1982 · 11/04/2023 16:39

Run a mile. She sounds utterly nuts.

raincamepouringdown · 11/04/2023 16:39

Dump the girlfriend. Seriously.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 11/04/2023 16:38

I'm 50 and still hug and kiss my Dad. Your partner has the issue not you or your daughter

Spanielsarepainless · 11/04/2023 16:38

I'm 60 and still hug, kiss and cuddle my father. Your partner is being unreasonable, to put it mildly.

JudgeJ · 11/04/2023 16:37

RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 15:12

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

Definitely LTB!

Olive19741205 · 11/04/2023 16:36

MagicMatilda · 11/04/2023 16:19

I don’t think either of you are wrong. Maybe your partner was brought up in a family who didn’t show affection so that is out of the ordinary to her.

She was "moody all evening". That's a huge red flag to me. She will definitely escalate her jealousy. It's a new relationship and she's already showing that she has a problem with OPs children.

BotterMon · 11/04/2023 16:36

Hope she's now your ex-partner. Jealous of your children is a complete turn-off.

BeverForget · 11/04/2023 16:35

16 is still a child, and still welcome to love a hug.
Your partner is the odd one.