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AIBU?

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Original poster

Don't know what else to do. Can't sleep. Anxious.

39 replies

RicciardoPerez · 11/04/2023 01:31

Posting here for traffic.

Can't sleep - getting myself anxious.
I suffer from anxiety and currently in a job which makes me anxious and I really am not happy there. Colleagues are not supportive, it's a very blame orientated environment. Some colleagues ignore me, some talk to me one day then ignore and bitch about me the next. Raised this with my boss who refuses to see the wrong in anyone - says I need to stop letting things get to me, but it's so much easier said than done.

She's referred me to occupational health as my migraines are getting more and more regular. I fully think it's stress related.

I've been off since last week with back to back migraines and headaches. I'm so stressed out with my job.

I've applied for everything I'm suitable for. I either get rejection emails, or where I have interviews, there's always someone who scores just slightly more than me. I'm still applying for everything I can.
Can't go part time - need the money and got a 1 year old so child care to pay.

I can't go on like this.
My husband says I need to get on with it, I need to stop letting my anxiety win and just go to work and ignore everyone around me but it's not as simple as that. I can't cope. No one is listening to me. No one.

I wouldn't be supported by husband if I was signed off. He and my parents would make comments about it how I need to get on with it.

What can I do? Getting so anxious now. I don't want to go to work tomorrow to face the horrible colleagues. I'm always so pleasant to them, never show they get to me but I just can't cope now.

OP posts:
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Original poster
RicciardoPerez · 26/04/2023 12:48

@Wishiwasmycat good days and bad days. Some days I'm ok, but others I'm so anxious. I'm anxious today, and yesterday so I've been intensely cleaning.

OP posts:
Wishiwasmycat · 26/04/2023 12:17

How are you OP?

ThreeLocusts · 18/04/2023 22:20

OP 5 days really isn't long. I hope the sertraline works for you, but even if it doesn't, there will be other options.

I came here to say that it's really good to hear that your mum and DH seem to have come through for you. You sounded very isolated at first and that makes things so much harder.

It's a shame that unpleasant working environments are apparently quite common in the NHS, from my limited anecdotal experience. I hope the management steps up if and when you go back.

Wishiwasmycat · 18/04/2023 21:29

Stick with it, lady! You’re doing the right thing getting fresh air, exercise and supportive company from a mum friend. I was prescribed this after I burned out one day and it made a difference after about 4 weeks.
Sending strength x

Serenitespring · 18/04/2023 20:54

Wonderful to hear your update.
Keep going and keep telling it like it is for you.
Keep posting and I wish peace and contentment for you

Original poster
RicciardoPerez · 18/04/2023 20:21

Just giving a wee update. Day 5 on sertraline and it's not been easy. Side effects I've had are:

-nausea
-increased anxiety
-trouble sleeping
-feeling woozy
-loss of appetite
-overwhelming need to have an afternoon nap, yet can't sleep

MH Nurse did say to give it 10-14 days for side effects to settle. I went for a walk today earlier with a friend with our babies - that was nice and took my mind off things for a bit. Was a lovely sunny day so that helped. I'm still very anxious; I don't feel the sertraline has helped with that yet, but it's only day 5.

OP posts:
Wishiwasmycat · 14/04/2023 03:13

Hey OP, was wondering how you were doing. Good that you’ve been signed off, but I’m not surprised you feel numb. You’ve been through a lot. Take care of yourself and keep us posted x

Original poster
RicciardoPerez · 13/04/2023 22:27

Just an update.

I have been signed off for 4 weeks and I am now on anti depressants in the hope they help.

I feel numb. I had expected to feel relief or as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders after opening up to the MH nurse, but no, nothing.

OP posts:
Original poster
RicciardoPerez · 11/04/2023 10:07

I'm going to be honest. I've just come off the phone to my mum. I cried. A lot. She said she knew something wasn't right but didn't want to push it as she knows I will talk in my own time.

My husband has been supportive this morning too. I wonder if he realised how bad things were after hearing me up in the night crying. I'm hoping he stays supportive. He said to me to exercise as that helps him, so today I'll go for a walk with my son in the pram and take in all the fresh air. He also says I should make the most of the gym membership and go for a swim or a class if I feel up to it in the coming weeks. I know exercise does help.

The next in line boss was very nice and supportive on the phone earlier too so that's helped.

I kinda hoped that making that appointment for tomorrow would have lifted some weight from my shoulders, but I feel worse and had a panic attack earlier - not my worst one, but still chest pain etc. I'm hoping tomorrow will help.

OP posts:
Candleabra · 11/04/2023 09:10

I’m glad to hear you have an appointment. Don’t minimise your symptoms to the nurse. I’m sorry people are not being more supportive. Anxiety is horrible. Sounds like a combination of medication and time off work would be helpful.

Original poster
RicciardoPerez · 11/04/2023 09:03

I have a telephone consultation tomorrow with the mental health nurse in the afternoon

OP posts:
Original poster
RicciardoPerez · 11/04/2023 08:24

Smoky1107 · 11/04/2023 08:19

I'm sorry you are going through this, I felt just like this last year. I'd taken a new job, a sideways step not a promotion and it was the worst thing I did. Toxic boss, no structure but blame everyone when things were missed. I moved after a year to a promotion in a different trust and I am so happy! I'd speak to the gp. Start looking for jobs and take back control of the situation

I'm just going to keep applying and hope something comes up for me soon.

Glad you're away from the toxic environment

OP posts:
Original poster
RicciardoPerez · 11/04/2023 08:23

vivaespanaole · 11/04/2023 08:19

Hi OP. When I was suffering a lot from
Anxiety I projected most of it onto work/plus work was where I was most of the time and where I wasn't in control so I found it really hard. I was absolutely convinced the problems where everyone else, when in actual fact it was my perception of the world. And my inability to deal with it and my lack of resilience at really small inconsequential things.

So for example, I would also have said that everyone was horrible. But really that was a feeling. And I would have struggled to give any real grounded facts about that. I struggled to get out of beds most mornings and face the day.

Now I am not saying to you that you are imagining it. I am just explaining that for me my depression and anxiety manifested in such a way I had very unrealistic expectations of others and I also held myself to ridiculously high standards and expected others to meet those too. So I felt continually let down in one way or another by someone. I always felt picked up but really I was picking on myself.

This might be totally different but there seemed one or two similarities so I thought worth a share.

I had CBT for six months for depression and anxiety. It has been life changing. I now can see who the real monsters are. Which are very few and far between and can shrug things off. My resilience means that challenging events done phase me anywhere near as much.

I get what you're saying but I promise you it's not my perception. I've literally had someone shout at me across the office because I dared turn down the radio because I was going on a call.

I've had people make comments about my pregnancy to my face saying I'll use it as an excuse to make mistakes.

I've had people tell me to my face that they can see why I got the job I'm in now, yet bitch about me to other colleagues that I'm shit at my job etc.

OP posts:
vivaespanaole · 11/04/2023 08:19

Hi OP. When I was suffering a lot from
Anxiety I projected most of it onto work/plus work was where I was most of the time and where I wasn't in control so I found it really hard. I was absolutely convinced the problems where everyone else, when in actual fact it was my perception of the world. And my inability to deal with it and my lack of resilience at really small inconsequential things.

So for example, I would also have said that everyone was horrible. But really that was a feeling. And I would have struggled to give any real grounded facts about that. I struggled to get out of beds most mornings and face the day.

Now I am not saying to you that you are imagining it. I am just explaining that for me my depression and anxiety manifested in such a way I had very unrealistic expectations of others and I also held myself to ridiculously high standards and expected others to meet those too. So I felt continually let down in one way or another by someone. I always felt picked up but really I was picking on myself.

This might be totally different but there seemed one or two similarities so I thought worth a share.

I had CBT for six months for depression and anxiety. It has been life changing. I now can see who the real monsters are. Which are very few and far between and can shrug things off. My resilience means that challenging events done phase me anywhere near as much.

Smoky1107 · 11/04/2023 08:19

I'm sorry you are going through this, I felt just like this last year. I'd taken a new job, a sideways step not a promotion and it was the worst thing I did. Toxic boss, no structure but blame everyone when things were missed. I moved after a year to a promotion in a different trust and I am so happy! I'd speak to the gp. Start looking for jobs and take back control of the situation

Original poster
RicciardoPerez · 11/04/2023 08:17

PumpkinPie2016 · 11/04/2023 08:10

I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time. Anxiety is really awful and can be very debilitating. Your workplace sounds awful and I have every sympathy as my workplace last year was awful (slightly different reasons to yours but still awful) and I too found myself struggling with anxiety.

Definitely speak to your GP today and tell them everything. Also, please speak to HR/occupational health and again, be completely honest. Employers have a duty of care!

Keep applying for other roles - hopefully with help from your GP, you will feel more able to face things.

You mention you work in the NHS- can you ask HR/Occupational health about redeployment to another role/department? Even if you think there aren't any, there may be options.

I've asked about redeployment but was told (by HR) that it's only for people on fixed term contracts, those who are no longer capable to do a job (I.e, front line staff need to go to office based role after sickness etc), or organisational change, therefore it would not apply to me sadly.

GP opened at 8, 20th in queue and it keeps cutting off. Will try back at 9am when hopefully the rush tails off.
Taking the day off. Emailed the next in line in boss absence and will be phoning them after I've spoken to a doctor.

Heart is still hammering.

OP posts:
PumpkinPie2016 · 11/04/2023 08:10

I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time. Anxiety is really awful and can be very debilitating. Your workplace sounds awful and I have every sympathy as my workplace last year was awful (slightly different reasons to yours but still awful) and I too found myself struggling with anxiety.

Definitely speak to your GP today and tell them everything. Also, please speak to HR/occupational health and again, be completely honest. Employers have a duty of care!

Keep applying for other roles - hopefully with help from your GP, you will feel more able to face things.

You mention you work in the NHS- can you ask HR/Occupational health about redeployment to another role/department? Even if you think there aren't any, there may be options.

Original poster
RicciardoPerez · 11/04/2023 07:53

Toomanybooks22 · 11/04/2023 05:04

I would ask your GP to be referred to neurology. I was as a result of debilitating migraines and was prescribed topiramate. Absolutely brilliant drug in a couple of months it changed my life. I too have worked in environments that were horrifically blame orientated and understand how you feel.

Its good you've been referred to OH as they may suggest reasonable adjustments for work or other things that can help you mitigate the anxiety. In addition, they may actually recommend time off.

Also, if you have worked at your job for over two years you are in a safer position as it is in reality harder to remove someone.

Even if not, you absolutely deserve not to be scared to go to work and I'm sorry your family and partner are so unsupportive. Worst case scenario could you leave your current job and apply for temp work? I've found them useful in between studying and getting permanent jobs.

The last time I spoke to the GP about this, he said he would put a note to neurology to see if they wanted to see me. Nothing came from it so I assume they said no? Worth asking again.

Managed to fall asleep around 5:30am. Husband woke up and comforted me. Woke up and my heart is hammering in my chest. Going to phone the doctor when they open - I suspect it will take a while to get through as first day open after a long weekend....

OP posts:
Toomanybooks22 · 11/04/2023 05:04

I would ask your GP to be referred to neurology. I was as a result of debilitating migraines and was prescribed topiramate. Absolutely brilliant drug in a couple of months it changed my life. I too have worked in environments that were horrifically blame orientated and understand how you feel.

Its good you've been referred to OH as they may suggest reasonable adjustments for work or other things that can help you mitigate the anxiety. In addition, they may actually recommend time off.

Also, if you have worked at your job for over two years you are in a safer position as it is in reality harder to remove someone.

Even if not, you absolutely deserve not to be scared to go to work and I'm sorry your family and partner are so unsupportive. Worst case scenario could you leave your current job and apply for temp work? I've found them useful in between studying and getting permanent jobs.

Original poster
RicciardoPerez · 11/04/2023 04:16

I'm up. I've emailed my boss to say I'll phone once I spoken to the doctor as I'm struggling big time. I got an out of office back :(

OP posts:
Original poster
RicciardoPerez · 11/04/2023 04:09

I say tomorrow, I mean today. I'm meant to be in work in 5 hours. No chance. I'm meant to drive to the meeting point to meet my dad so he can take my baby to their house for the day. I can't drive on hardly any sleep, especially when baby is in car. My mind won't shut the hell up

OP posts:
Original poster
RicciardoPerez · 11/04/2023 04:08

I'm trying so hard to get to sleep. My mind just goes into overdrive and I'm just lying here silently crying whilst my husband snores gently.

I'm scared of going on medication. I'm scared the doctor will dismiss me. I'm scared of what my boss will say. I can't go in tomorrow, not like this, plus I have a slight headache starting again.

OP posts:
Magnoliasky · 11/04/2023 03:30

ask your GP for sertraline, the first two weeks will be difficult but a month in the anxiety should ease. Also mediation, yoga, walking, find a counsellor, keep applying for jobs but first get someone to review your statement.

Original poster
RicciardoPerez · 11/04/2023 03:20

pompomdaisy · 11/04/2023 03:15

It sounds like you should have had medication a while ago rather than being told to suck it up by your less than supportive husband. Please speak to your gp.

I'll be phoning first thing in the morning. Hope I can get some help.

OP posts:
pompomdaisy · 11/04/2023 03:15

It sounds like you should have had medication a while ago rather than being told to suck it up by your less than supportive husband. Please speak to your gp.