Don't want to do nude selfies for my DH

Keep all his abusive texts to use as evidence of coercive control.

You're already supporting him, At least if you separate you won't have to deal with him so much. If you did end up having to pay spousal support it sounds like it might be worth get away from be

yuk, get rid op.

He has no respect for you.

He is manipulative coercive Prick

He is manipulative in making you feel that cause you are in a relationship that this is part of the deal,

In fact it's now against the Law for him to be like this nowadays

Get a new Solicitor instead too

What on earth kind of disability does he have that means he could be solely responsible for children, but incapable of absolutely any kind of work? He may well not be able to work in the role he used to do previously, or full time, but with the huge growth of online work there is something for most people. When I had CFS I used to do bits and pieces of voice over work and also some basic graphics work on fiverr to keep some money coming in the door because I could do it for 5-10 min blocks, from laid down if I really needed to and I didn't have anyone else to support me. If I'd have been undergoing say cancer treatment that would be very different, but this sounds like a long term disbility where he's more likely to know his abilities and limitiations quite well?

I would 100% be seeking a second legal opinion, you only get one shot at life don't waste it on someone coercive.

He sounds repulsive. Surely you are effectively supporting him now? At least if you leave you won't also be having to put up with the grim sex pest.

You can still separate and hold off divorce until you have spoken to a different solicitor. Block him for the rest of your trip.

Don't ever trust a partner with intimate pictures as it's not worth the risk. Just remember that since May 2015 it is a criminal offence to share intimate images of someone without their consent

I don't think you need to support him for life, but you need specialist advice.

But you would be the poorer on divorce and I imagine that you would have to pay some spousal maintenance if you had the money to do so.

Unless he's been signed off from work forever, the arguments not been had yet.

Surely being a sex pest is illegal. I know that coercive control is. I agree that you need another solicitor. You can absolutely argue that his behaviour and the extra burdens you carry due to his disability contributed to your mental health and alcoholism at the time. You can probably also prove that your mental health is stronger as a result of having taken control of your drinking and you have realised the connection between the two and that he had been weaponising a symptom of his own malevolent impact on your long-term well-being to control you. (Very common.) Perhaps Women’s Aid could help you. You have supported him. One child has left for uni. You have a lot more going for you than you think.

Please seek another solicitor, advice you recieve and the law has changed. I understand this is very difficult, I work within the domestic abuse field and his behaviour including constant requests for sex texting, images and intimidation and threats regarding the taking the children is domestic abuse, and a new law has come into effect which recognises coercive control. I think you will have enough evidence from your text messages to demonstrate this. https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/.

Please seek help from a solicitor for seperation, also you can seek advice from domestic abuse charities such as Women's aid or your local DA charity. If he attempts to post images in the internet, there is a law regarding this..revenge pornography and he will be prosecuted, if he even threatens, tell the police and go to a solicitor.

I am sorry you are experiencing this, you do have options with a solicitor to support you, and I hope you feel able to gain support from family and friends.

Which country are you in? The legal advice sounds inaccurate. Get a different lawyer.

It’s rarely a thing and the op will need to be quite wealthy for it to be a thing as she needs to be able to keep a home for her and the kids,

op he’s an abusive weirdo creep. And the fact he’s furious you won’t demean yourself for him is heinous.

this isn’t he wants a photo of you in the scud. This is he wants reassurance he’s in control of you and he can make you demean yourself at his whim, that’s why he’s furious

Ugh. Had this with a couple of men. It's vile and they get obsessed with it. Especially ones who have nothing better to do with their time than sit at home while you are busy going about your life. I remember a final straw being ex insisting I got him a nude pic when I was out with young at the time dc for a day out at the races and sulking when i refused. 🙄 we were actually on the verge of reconciling after being split but that in a way was my saviour that changed everything. You need to free yourself too

I think you should leave OP - and suck up the spousal maintenance...

... but I don't understand why everybody is telling you that you won't have to pay!

My daughter is disabled - got married - husband wanted a divorce. She too was told that her husband would have to pay spousal maintenance until she remarried as he couldn't just walk about and leave his disabled wife "high and dry".....

.... so rather than pay spousal maintenance to her they agreed that she would keep the entire house and he would be given a small lump sum from it to pay for a new house deposit for him - and then pay child maintenance until children were 18.

This was only 2 years ago.

You might not have to pay loads depending on earnings and circumstances but I think it is wrong for people to say you won't have to pay it!

This post has made me feel quite sick.

unfortunately lifetime spousal maintenance is a thing - a very good friend of mine is trying to fight this is court now but it’s doesn’t look like he’ll win. He’s paying her a fortune monthly and his kids are mid 30’s!

sorry op - I really hope you leave him without paying anything!

Oh I think one of the glaring points here OP is if you are in an abusive and controlling relationship and can prove that, no one is going to make you financially support his sorry arse.

Besides which you already financially support him as well as sharing your home, children, life and by the sounds of it still, your body?

Surely paying him maintenance would be cheaper than the cost of all that?

Your wording is also off op. You said you “rebelled” . No you didn’t, you are an adult woman with agency over her own actions. He is not your parent. You simply said no, it is not an act of rebellion.

rebellion is when you resist authority or a leader. It is absolutely not saying no to your husband. Unless maybe you’re Amish.

You need new legal advice with his messages and threats to you.

He is an abusive freak.

Please get on to Women's aid for support.

Do not trust him.

Sexual coercion is a form of control and abuse OP. Him getting in a shit mood until you send him nude pics is something you absolutely 100% need to mention to a solicitor and maybe even discuss with Womens aid.

Making threats because you are going to leave him is also controlling and abusive and needs to be mentioned to Womens Aid and a solicitor.

I cannot fucking stand the "get your ducks in a row" shit that's thrown around here too easily but GET YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW. I am willing to bet actual money that if you sit down and look at the definitions of what consists as spousal abuse and really think long and hard about your Husbands past and present behaviour you will recognise that he is probably a fully encompassing abusive twat who uses being disabled as an excuse to be an abusive twat, and has been for years.

Go to Womens Aid and get the fuck out. You only have ONE life OP.

I'd definitely get a second legal opinion before committing to spending my life with an abusive man incapable of looking after himself or the family.

Its worth £200 to be sure, right?

And, yes, obviously, leave him because he is a disgusting creep and abuser. I'd happily pay for life to keep that away from me and my children.

Before you do anything else please get his phone/PC and delete permanently all the past pics you've sent him.

He holds the trump card here - anything you do to antagonise him can backfire.