Partner | Mumsnet

Ash9420 · 2023-04-02T17:54:58+00:00

Hi everyone I’m 12+2 today just wanted to get peoples opinions really… Im I being unreasonable in telling my partner that his out of order for only thinking about himself when he goes to the shop buys himself alcohol and other things he knows I can’t have comes home flaunts them in front of me without even so much as thinking about an alternative for me? His response is ‘I’m being selfish and life sucks’

WeeOrcadian · 19/02/2024 17:15

Zombie

Pumpkinpie1 · 19/02/2024 12:31

It’s hard enough bringing up a child without having to bring up an abusive lazy partner as well OP.
From what you say he is unsupportive and making you very unhappy. The last things you need when you have an incredibly stressful job and are pregnant.
Dont be dragged into his drama .He needs to leave and sort himself out .
Speak to your family and get a circle of support around you that’s reliable.

Original poster

Ash9420 · 02/04/2023 21:20

being the lead tenant on our current place and having signed a 12 months tenancy I think my best bet might be to speak with the letting agency and landlord? And taking over the whole tenancy?
he’d have to move out then

OP posts:

Jagoda · 02/04/2023 21:16

Can you get your accommodation back?

He sounds like an idiot tbh.

Sapphire387 · 02/04/2023 20:56

He sounds absolutely awful.

Original poster

Ash9420 · 02/04/2023 20:51

Thankyou so much for all of your honest opinions. I think a lot of theses things deep down I already knew and felt just needed to hear some home truths.

OP posts:

Stickworm · 02/04/2023 20:49

I just presumed I was always more mature for my age and had my shit together before others and couldn’t expect everyone to be moving at the same pace as me

Following* *on from this comment I cannot understand why you have chosen to have children with this man who clearly doesn’t have his shit together- you didn’t even live together before you got pregnant. Saying stuff like ‘life is shut’ and ‘you’re pregnant not disabled’ are MASSIVE red flags! These aren’t things he can work on, I would absolutely not want to raise a child with this person.

Notimeforaname · 02/04/2023 20:47

Get away from him. Hes just trying to hang around because he has nowhere else to go and abandonment issues.

Hes a mess. Total chaos, which is exactly what your life will be like if you stay with him.

He already doesn't give a shit about you being sick and pregnant, do you think hes going to then suddenly give a shit about you PLUS another person?? No. He wont.

You can financially support yourself, do it.

PaigeMatthews · 02/04/2023 20:41

Ash9420 · 02/04/2023 20:33

I don’t know.. maybe I have been subconsciously. I just presumed I was always more mature for my age and had my shit together before others and couldn’t expect everyone to be moving at the same pace as me

That’s not healthy. You'd benefit from counselling or you will keep ending up with deadbeat men you try to help become functioning adults.

go back to nhs accommodation and sort out childcare. This man will drag you down.

junebirthdaygirl · 02/04/2023 20:40

It's not you taking his baby away it's him failing to be a parent that will decide that. And this includes pregnancy. He either steps up big time now or he will see his baby once a week and it will be his own fault. Get very tough with him. With your job you are going to need a lot of support eg. Night shifts etc and he doesn't sound like he will be any use.

NadjaCravensworth1 · 02/04/2023 20:36

There are an awful lot of red flags here OP, I'm really sorry but things won't get better when baby comes. If he's being so deliberately unsupportive now then he's never going to pull his weight with a newborn. Maybe you should think about some further time apart? Do you have support? If this behaviour continues after baby is here then you will find it incredibly stressful and honestly you will probably be happier on your own.

Original poster

Ash9420 · 02/04/2023 20:33

I don’t know.. maybe I have been subconsciously. I just presumed I was always more mature for my age and had my shit together before others and couldn’t expect everyone to be moving at the same pace as me

OP posts:

PaigeMatthews · 02/04/2023 20:24

Ash9420 · 02/04/2023 20:22

I didn’t know this would be the case at all. I was away for a month, came back two weeks ago and everything has just unravelled. This isn’t the guy I thought I knew, we’ve known each other for nearly 10 years. His mum walked out on him when he was a mere 3months old and has never returned into his life, so his begged me not take his child away and to just give him a chance to be nothing like his mum. Ive told him we don’t need to be together for either of us to be good parents..

Have you been trying to fix him?

Original poster

Ash9420 · 02/04/2023 20:22

I didn’t know this would be the case at all. I was away for a month, came back two weeks ago and everything has just unravelled. This isn’t the guy I thought I knew, we’ve known each other for nearly 10 years. His mum walked out on him when he was a mere 3months old and has never returned into his life, so his begged me not take his child away and to just give him a chance to be nothing like his mum. Ive told him we don’t need to be together for either of us to be good parents..

OP posts:

FictionalCharacter · 02/04/2023 20:20

Well that was quite a drip feed. He's horrible. And useless.

PaigeMatthews · 02/04/2023 20:19

WeeOrcadian · 02/04/2023 19:58

I'm sorry for your losses... But why do you want to have a child with someone who doesn't contribute to anything? I don't understand

This. Also you're a junior doctor? And this guy is your standard?

I was diagnosed with HG spend a few days at the hospital and put on bed rest.. to which he told me I was pregnant and not disabled
my friends dh said that to her when she was pregnant. 12 years later he his a controlling abusive bastard divorcing her in the most difficult way. Red flag right here.

why have you chosen this guy to have a child with?

timeforwotsits · 02/04/2023 20:18

Sounds like a shit situation with shit person

Can you get your staff accommodation back?

I personally wouldn’t invest anymore time in this relationship he’s shown how little he values you

Original poster

Ash9420 · 02/04/2023 20:11

his landlord screwed him over and gave him two weeks notice to move out, my parents then took him for several weeks whilst he looked for a place, because it worked out cheaper to get a place together I gave up my flat (couldn’t live together there I’m a junior doctor and it was for nhs staff only) (didn’t know we was expecting at this point) I made sure we had everything we needed before going away, had deposit and 5weeks rent in advance. He then told me not to worry he had everything under control, he’d furnish the place in my absence etc.. hence the no bed, fridge or washing machine ( has a good job) which to my surprise nothing was done in my absence and I was blissfully unaware until I received an email from the letting agency about rent not being paid.
last week I was diagnosed with HG spend a few days at the hospital and put on bed rest.. to which he told me I was pregnant and not disabled. I was on the phone to my midwife when he made such comments and she heard it and asked me to put him on the phone, she spoke to him he apologised and said he didn’t realise it was that bad.. I thought maybe I was being too harsh on him so I’ve tried my best to not stress or moan at him, until the alcohol has become what I consider an issue.. and no it’s not because I’m not drinking that it’s an issue, the smell of it has also been an aggravating factor with my sickness. May be I am being a bitch like he says I don’t know, I just wanted opinions from others

OP posts:

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 02/04/2023 20:06

Im sorry I don't think YABU at all actually.

Bananalanacake · 02/04/2023 20:03

I'm assuming he works and pays his share of the bills. And it is selfish of him to spend money on alcohol every day when you need it for other things.

WeeOrcadian · 02/04/2023 19:58

I'm sorry for your losses... But why do you want to have a child with someone who doesn't contribute to anything? I don't understand

WeeOrcadian · 02/04/2023 19:56

What's the backstory?
There must be one, or a bottle of juice wouldn't cause this big a problem.

memesndmoreme · 02/04/2023 19:54

What did he do with the bed, fridge and washing machine?

Scuttlingherbert · 02/04/2023 19:49

Btw do you have Hyperemesis? I had this and I had some support from the Pregnancy Sickness Support charity as it was really mentally tough being so sick for so long.
I'd recommend looking into it.

Scuttlingherbert · 02/04/2023 19:48

That sounds horrible.
I think my husband would get me a bottle of Schloer or something like that if he was getting himself sure alcohol as a treat when I was pregnant.