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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding Seating

104 replies

AliceAliceHatter · 01/04/2023 15:38

I've name changed because it's pretty outing.

I'm attending a wedding this year and have just been told that my DS is being seated at the 'kids table' during the wedding breakfast.

The issue is my DS will be 11 months at the wedding and I think this is too young to be apart from me when eating. I told the bride that I wouldn't be comfortable with this and she responded that I'm being too wary and he'll be fine.

Would you be happy with your 11m child being at a different table to you? Currently, he's able to eat some finger foods (picking them up) but he can't use utensils - he's 9 months old but I still can't imagine him being able to eat independently in 2 months without any adult present.

Additionally, I'm worried about a choking risk.. I'd never let him eat by himself (or with a group of children) without an adult present as he does still gag when eating and he's so young?!

Further info, they haven't done the seating plan yet with regards to location of tables so I don't know where he'll be in comparison to me.

I'm about to say that I won't attend but genuinely want opinions on if I'm being unreasonable.

OP posts:
WaltzingWaters · 01/04/2023 16:22

I’m assuming. The bride doesn’t have children nor has ever really been around babies?
Absolutely do not sit away from an 11 month old whilst eating. My DS is 12 months and I’m still always around in case of choking, but besides that he makes a huge mess and would have his whole plate on the floor within a minute if he had no supervision!
the bride is bonkers or absolutely clueless on babies.

Maedan · 01/04/2023 16:19

An 11 month old is a baby not a child so should be with mum. Tbh I don't think the staff at the venue would let you leave an unattended baby at a table, the choking risk is horrendous.

Jules912 · 01/04/2023 16:18

AliceAliceHatter · 01/04/2023 16:13

To clarify, they don't have children. But to be fair to them, the other children at the 'kids table' are a bit older (3+) so may be okay without any adults for the duration.

I thought as much regarding IABU. I've already made my opinion clear and don't think she's going to budge so I'm going to decline. I can't have him at another table and don't want to make a thing on the day of having him on my knee/ bringing his meal from the other table when she's made such a thing of adults 'enjoying the meal' without kids.

Thanks for the advice.

My sister did this, but she'd hired childminders and the kids all went in another room with them , toys and kids food. We'll all except the one who was still a baby who stayed with her parents. I was sceptical but my then 2.5 year old loved it, no way she would've sat at a different table with none of those things though.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 01/04/2023 16:18

The bride is just naive or inexperienced with babies. I like the idea of inviting the bride and groom for a meal, and shoring the reality of eating with babies!

In reality, I'd go to the wedding and sit the baby on my lap, or ask the venue for a high chair at the meal time, surely anywhere that can host a wedding reception will have a high hair. Or take a highchair if you're driving? Or a pushchair?

We went to a wedding with ds when he was 6 months old. We barely saw him as he was passed round rellies, then fell asleep in his buggy with the excitement of it all.

Standbyguest · 01/04/2023 16:15

Tbh I think even 3/4 year olds won't sit on their own and eat without making a fuss. 6+ maybe.

DisforDarkChocolate · 01/04/2023 16:14

She's mad. It would be about another 4 years before I allowed this. Even then I'd need to know a sensible child was there too, and that I could always see them.

Original poster
AliceAliceHatter · 01/04/2023 16:13

To clarify, they don't have children. But to be fair to them, the other children at the 'kids table' are a bit older (3+) so may be okay without any adults for the duration.

I thought as much regarding IABU. I've already made my opinion clear and don't think she's going to budge so I'm going to decline. I can't have him at another table and don't want to make a thing on the day of having him on my knee/ bringing his meal from the other table when she's made such a thing of adults 'enjoying the meal' without kids.

Thanks for the advice.

OP posts:
Justalittlebitduckling · 01/04/2023 16:13

No way!

Bearcheek · 01/04/2023 16:08

YANBU. Depending on the relationship... I would either cheerfully stand my ground now, or just ignore the seating plan on the day and sit baby on lap / drag over high chair. Or not go at all. Depends what the relationship is.

PuttingDownRoots · 01/04/2023 16:07

I would expect a child's table to be 5+ minimum.

I attended a wedding with a chdrens entertainer... but parents stayed with the toddlers. (Great excuse to escape the speeches... B&G even made sure my pudding was delivered to the bar area as I was breastfeeding!)

Standbyguest · 01/04/2023 16:03

This has got to be a wind up?!

WildRosie · 01/04/2023 16:03

I'm not a parent but even I can see the bride's idea is at best naive and at worst completely clueless. You need to put your foot down or not attend.

MumOf2workOptions · 01/04/2023 16:02

This is crazy! I'm guessing she doesn't have any kids herself!!!

QueenOfWeeds · 01/04/2023 16:00

Invite the happy couple round to dinner at yours and sit her next to your DS…

MuffinToSeeHere · 01/04/2023 15:57

Lcb123 · 01/04/2023 15:54

You don’t need to have kids to know this is a stupid idea. All the kids at our wedding sat with their parents. Maybe tell the bride how much mess they’ll be from an unattended child!

Show quote history

Well of course you don't but maybe if she doesn't have children or experience of children she could be more forgiven for thinking a kids table is a thing.

Obviously of she's suggested this and is also a parent she's just plain bonkers and to be honest a large part of me would be thinking maybe I should still attend just so I had a front row seat from which to watch as the chaos of an unaccompanied table full of kids unfolded....

SophiaSW1 · 01/04/2023 15:56

Plus surely they'd have to be in a high chair anyway. And there's no way I'd leave my baby unattended in a high chair

SophiaSW1 · 01/04/2023 15:55

There no way she has kids. I'd let her get on with it and on the day just sit my child (baby) on my lap to eat their dinner. That's probably what would happen even if they had their own seat on the same table anyway.

Lcb123 · 01/04/2023 15:54

MuffinToSeeHere · 01/04/2023 15:42

Does the bride have children. What a spectacularly stupid idea!

You don’t need to have kids to know this is a stupid idea. All the kids at our wedding sat with their parents. Maybe tell the bride how much mess they’ll be from an unattended child!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/04/2023 15:53

Is she booking a Nanny or something to sit with the kids? I'd just say to her that this doesn't work for you, the 11mo is either sat for his meal with you or he can't come. Bloody stupid idea.

Crunchymum · 01/04/2023 15:51

Is this for real?

Hoppinggreen · 01/04/2023 15:51

Yeah, like your 11 month old will happily sit on his own.
Has the Bride ever actually met a child?

Marcinon · 01/04/2023 15:50

Can you imagine everyone’s outfits!

Cosyblankets · 01/04/2023 15:50

This is the most ridiculous idea

PorkPieandPickle · 01/04/2023 15:50

YANBU and the bride is being bonkers! I wouldn’t go.

Questions97 · 01/04/2023 15:48

She clearly doesn't have children. How stupid of her. Does she want him screaming for you though dinner. What an idiot.

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