Very rich parents

Ask them for some cash or help. Even to transfer rental into your and siblings name. Talk about estate planning. They can just say no. It'll at least make them think. Did they have any inheritance?

I owe just under 90k in student loan, in the UK....

we are looking at 2-3 years with no foreign holidays.
Oh the agony😂

When your parents were your age they were probably in the same situation as you. Did they go crying to their parents to finace rhem?

OP is not living hand to mouth 😂😂😂

It's just a bit gutting when you realise your parents use your finances as a stick to beat with you and resent helping with things like housing.
It's also a bit galling when they never discussed budgeting as a young adult but were too miserly to buy their young kids with lunch ( even a snack)on a day out.

@GrownKids No one here has that level
of university loan. Ours is paid as a graduate tax according to salary. 50% do not pay it off at all.

If a person chooses to bring a child into the world, I think they have a certain amount of responsibility to help them where they can.

You didn't choose to be born and living hand to mouth.

@lifeturnsonadime Did you hear read the OP....you are completely twisting things, stupid comment

PS: I have NEVER been on a holiday overseas or a cruise, as much as I wish I could. It has never been in my budget and my parents have never been on or taken me and my siblings on an overseas holiday. Even so, I feel that I have had a wonderful life. Do not make an overseas holiday your priority. Instead make your family and relationships your priority. Practice daily gratitude. That is what I do, and it is transformative. Have a great week!!!

I know it is hard for young adults to make it financially in the current worldwide economic situation. I know you feel hurt by your parents' lack of financial support. Mt children are grown. My oldest came out of college with over $100,000 USD in school debt. He married in 2019. His wife also had school debt. They also both had car loans. In three years of marriage, they paid off over $60,000 in debt with him serving as a children's ministry director and her working as a nanny. A tiny portion of the money used to pay off the debt came from my husband and I when we paid off one of the smaller school loans for them. My husband and I don't have much money either because he's a pastor and I'm at home due to health issues. So, helping them was a huge sacrifice. Knowing that we helped them as much as our financial situaiton allowed and that your parents are not helping you, I can see where you would feel hurt and want help. Every situation, though, is different. I don't know your parents' values and how they grew up. Could that play into them not helping financially? Could they have been taught as they were growing up that once children are out of the home should be completely self-sufficient? Here is an example of a comparable situation from my life: While I helped my son and his wife financially, when I got out of college my parents gave me a few pieces of beat up, used furniture and a car that was on its last legs. After that I was completely on my own financially. I was below poverty level and qualified to live in subsidized housing despite having a teaching job. Even so, the subsidized housing was too expensive for me, so I chose to live in a cheaper apartment. It was horrible housing because the previous tenant was a chain smoker and the walls, outlets, and light switches were covered with smoke stains. Despite my low income, I independently paid off my school debt early. My parents were and are financially quite comfortable. They could have helped me with my debt, but their value system was different than my value system. They have a view that you are stronger when you make it through tough financial situations on your own. My values are that if my children are acting in a financially responsible manner (which they are) then I am going to help them financially as much as I can if they are struggling. Could your parents have similar values to my parents? I suggest opening a conversation with them about finances. Start by saying how much you love them and respect them and how much you appreciate the childhood they gave you. Share a favorite memory or two and some values they taught you that you appreciate. Tell them how proud you are of them for building such a fine income. Then share with them how you are struggling financially. Give them specific examples of something you need but struggle to afford. Share with them what you are doing to be financially responsible. Then ask if there is any way that they can help you financially with something that would be a long-term help such as paying off a debt or something of that nature so that you don't have to come back to them later asking for another handout. Or ask them for non-monetary help such as childcare. Help of that nature is more of a boost up than a handout. In addition, one-time help or non-monetary help allows your parents to remain financially secure and enjoying retirement. As you are speaking with your parents ask them about their financial values and listen attentively to them. No matter what they say, tell them that you respect them and love them. Do not let different financial values get in the way of a close relationship with your parents. It may be hard for you both financially and emotionally. You may feel very hurt even after such a conversation, but take the perspective that love is expressed in diverse ways by differnt people. In fact, by not helping you financially, your parents may be expressing their love for you and your family if they believe that by not helping you financially, they are helping you to be strong enough and resourceful enough to take care of yourself and your family, even when it is difficult. Good luck!

Not rich so not likely but DH and I always said we'd help our girls, we'd rather actually see them enjoy it and it would be more help while they were setting out in life, rather than wait until we died and they were better off any way

Haha. Probably.
maybe OP is too.
[goes off to ask FIL to pay for a trip to Barbados]

Barbados? Don't take the P*.

Why not with them, to Spain for a week?

@dripdripdripdrip
You do need to consider if they wish to reduce their estate to reduce IHT. This is a big driver for us. Giving gifts to grandchildren is also worthwhile if you don’t want the money.

I think it’s really individual. My parents are very well off, from nothing when they got married in the 60s.

They are very generous, I actually told them I didn’t need the amount of cash they give me (monthly) a couple of years ago and asked them to reduce it which they did. I earn a reasonable amount of money, I don’t necessarily need this money but they want to see their children comfortable and at their age have no need for their income.

I use it to pay for my car, I’d never expect it though.

I voted YABU because I am in the same boat as you; over time we have learnt it is obviously not reasonable to half hope/expect rich parents to help.

They don't help. They never will, and I really think they will disinherit us just to be tight arseholes.

We are proud in that we have built up our own house and nice cars completely on our own; we go on little caravan holidays which my kids adore, and most importantly we all love and respect each other...so whilst is a shame they won't be a little bit helpful (I am actually excited to give my kids everything as they grow older, so I struggle to understand) we accept that they just aren't generous people, and if we ever needed financial help we would have to pry it out of their cold dead hands. So that'll clearly never happen...and that's fine...

...We will remember though, as they grow older and perhaps need some help from us, while they have sat back and watched us struggle....evil laugh

Haha. Probably.
maybe OP is too.
[goes off to ask FIL to pay for a trip to Barbados]

@TheHoover
I think most of will just agree you are stupid and can’t manage money then!

Well this is the point really, wealth is relative and we choose what we spend our money on, plus things generally get better (ie i get a pay rise next month).

I’m sure we all know / have known people who say they are broke and can’t afford to come out so you stand them a couple of drinks then you find out they are actually just saving for something big.

btw I am not going to say our income but genuinely I’d be laughed at if I claimed it really wasn’t that big (for info I wouldn’t describe OPs parents as particularly rich).

Well your income isn't huge then is it... or even after a max mortgage you'd have plenty money left.

What you mean is you have a good income but you've spent it all on a house

@TheHoover
You said your “joint income is huge”. So is this incorrect? You seem to want sympathy but have an “expensive house”. Ridiculous decision if you if you cannot afford the mortgage. Boo hoo over your car! My heart doesn’t bleed for you. Cut your coat …….. etc. You decided on your priorities. Obviously the wrong ones.

This also has nothing to do with parents giving. Most DC do not expect but do wish life was easier with a bit more money. My DD has a fairly expensive flat we helped her buy. It’s expensive due to the location she needs for work. Happy to help.

it's hardly a case of 'expecting'. She has financed her life herself.
I think it's more a case of 'wishing'.

Exactly And I think that underlying it all is the wish that she had parents with empathy and who care.

I help my kids out as much as I can. They don't expect it, and they encourage me to spend on myself rather than them. But I continue to help them because I love them, and their lives are far more financially difficult than mine was at their age. So I'm funding some therapy that my DGD needs but can't get on the NHS in time (but that I was able to get for her mum at that age free of charge and with no waiting list). And I treat them to meals out that would otherwise stretch their budget. And I'm paying more than my share for the little uk holiday that we're all having together, because I can afford to, and I consider myself lucky that they enjoy my company enough to want to have joint holidays.

That all indicates to my kids (I hope) that I recognise their situations and care about them enough to want things to be a little better for them. That I love them.

we are looking at 2-3 years with no foreign holidays. I drive an old banger. DD has mostly second hand clothes. All because we’ve been hit v hard with interest rates rises. But we chose to stretch ourselves and buy an expensive house. If I dared suggest I was deserving of more money then an orchestra of the worlds tiniest violins would play.

Tbh you have no idea if OP's situation is the same as yours. Or if she has 'chosen' to stretch herself or is just getting by in a cheap house.

I have zero problem with giving. I have a problem with expecting. I also wouldn’t necessarily describe OPs parents as rich.

Apart from Wedding Dresses OP's wealthy parents haven't given any handouts. So it's hardly a case of 'expecting'. She has financed her life herself.

I think it's more a case of 'wishing'.

What outgoings do you have where you struggle? None it would appear.

wow where do you get this from?

we are looking at 2-3 years with no foreign holidays. I drive an old banger. DD has mostly second hand clothes. All because we’ve been hit v hard with interest rates rises. But we chose to stretch ourselves and buy an expensive house. If I dared suggest I was deserving of more money then an orchestra of the worlds tiniest violins would play.