Neighbour rang the police on us!

@ijustwannahaveagoodnight, I live in a house with no shared walls and a large garden so yes my perspective is different but in my pp I told op to not give neighbor any more ammunition. Although when I was younger I did live in a townhouse with shared walls but never heard anything from neighbors, I guess we had thick walls. You saying stfu shows you have a bit of a temper 😏 the fact is, it is normal to have occasional arguments with raised voices. The neighbor was being an ass to call the police, good grief.

👏 beautifully put. 💐

@MysteryBelle

And people aren't saying they've never disagreed with their partner. There's a world of grey area between disagreeing and a shouting match.

@MysteryBelle

It doesn’t mean they’re violent or acting crazy. I think people who say they never argue or raise their voices are afraid to speak up to the other person, in fact if people say they’ve never ever had an argument or raised their voices, they’re either lying or they’re afraid of their partners.

Nope. I grew up in a shouty house and chose to not stay with anyone who shouted at me during an argument because I can't cope with it and it makes me really anxious and upset.

My partner isn't a naturally shouty or hot headed person anyway and he is sure to not shout in arguments because it would make me anxious and upset, because he loves me.

I'm not lying and I'm not frightened of him one bit. I think it's really sad you don't think it's possible for people to choose partners with compatible conflict styles.

I'm perfectly aware lots of people are fine with shouty arguments. Some of us aren't, for various reasons that have nothing at all to do with a fear of our partners.

Grew up in a shouty house. I refuse to replicate that and continue that cycle.

I’ve had both.

My first marriage was very abusive and neighbours called the police several times, in fact 2 of my neighbours came to court as witnesses when I braved leaving and it led to him trashing the house etc. They helped me through so much and I was grateful! To begin with I was annoyed as it did then cause further aggro from him when the police left.

I have also been the neighbour to call the police, all I could hear was the man screaming and shouting and the place being smashed up, it majorly triggered me and my kids. Police came and left after the woman assured all was ‘ok’. She has since left the house and it’s only him in there- I gave her info re Womans aid etc.

If it’s a one off argument that fizzles out and doesn’t sound nasty I wouldn’t get involved, if it was reoccurring and seems like someone definitely needs help, then it’s not unreasonable to have the police nip round.

or maybe your armchair psychology is wrong and maybe most people are conscious of disturbing the people who live in close proximity to them and that’s why they make an effort to stfu?

People argue sometimes. And raise their voices. It doesn’t mean they’re violent or acting crazy. I think people who say they never argue or raise their voices are afraid to speak up to the other person, in fact if people say they’ve never ever had an argument or raised their voices, they’re either lying or they’re afraid of their partners. Something is off. It is normal to have disagreements, and yes arguments with raised voices sometimes. Not talking about crazy violent shouting matches that go on 24/7.

"We bought a lazy spa hot tub" - this is a crime in itself.

Sorry about the typos 🙈 I have a very 'lively' 2 year old on me as I type. That's real life. And it's hard OP! Hope you are ok 👍🏽

But why is anyone shouting at that volume at each other, in an argument for 10 minutes enough that the neighbour is concerned enough to call the police. Look to yourselves if you want someone to blame for the embarrassment of it OP, that isn't a normal environment or normal thing to be doing.

Disagreements or even an argument is not unusual in a relationship during difficult times but that isn't the same as sustained shouting for that long at each other with children in the house. It makes no difference at all if the neighbour's never had an argument herself or if anyone else here has or not, doesn't change what went on in your house. The police turning up and deciding it was a civil domestic matter with no other concerns doesn't mean they shouldn't have attended to check that.

I know this is mumsnet and you all probably live in lovely detached 4 beds, but it's really not unusual to hear your neighbours, you know!

We live in a small flat with three neighbours very close, two with shared walls.

It's not unusual to hear your neighbours.

It is unusual to hear them argue for ten minutes shouting, with children in the home too.

@Lonelymum27 You are more than welcome. We all make mistakes as Mothers, I'll be the first to admit that. I could see by your user name that you may have not had someone to speak to in real life. Mumsnet is a great place to vent for that reason. I am so sorry about some of the replies here. Please don't take them to heart. It's so hard with children who won't sleep, my youngest is 2 and still hasn't slept through the night! I've you are doing great! Tomorrow is a new day. Hold your head up high and carry on 🥰 That's what your children would want x

I'm sorry to hear about your sleep deprivation. I've been there and it honestly plays havoc with your emotions. How come you haven't slept for 2 nights?

Also, there are people who 100% never argue and shout at each other, me and DH never do. I personally couldn't be in a relationship that involved shouting.

Your neighbour may have been concerned but I don't know her so I can't really comment. What did she call the police for on the other neighbours?

No kids slept through it as I said it was 10 minutes.

I used to say I didn't hear my parents fighting.

I did. It made me anxious and I didn't want to make them more cross or stressed so I didn't let them know.

They would still say we never heard the worst rows. We did.

I think she was over the top to call the police over an argument next door. Ridiculous.

Going forward, I’d make sure not to give her any ammunition. I’d talk to dh and decode together to not raise our voices to each other again, to talk through disagreements civilly and calmly.

These things happen before you even know, I realize that, an argument gets out of hand and voices are raised. Unfortunately you’ve got a busybody with a long nose who probably presses her ear up against the wall to catch every word then calls police and she then has a drama to relay to everybody. That’s how those kinds of people are. Don’t give her anything to work with.

That’s not what I said stop twisting it, I said I don’t believe she’s never had a 10 minute argument with her husband.

So to clarify, do you believe it's normal for a couple to shout at each other so loudly neighbours can hear, for ten minutes, while their three young children are in the same house?

You don't seem to think it's an unusual set of circumstances and seem surprised most people haven't done that.

Lots of people have disagreements, yes. To the level you did, with children in the house, no.

Nope. as we're adults and can hold our shit together.

Bloody hell, no comment on shouting within relationships but I can't believe all the outraged "you were shouting loud enough for a neighbour to hear?!" comments 🤣

I know this is mumsnet and you all probably live in lovely detached 4 beds, but it's really not unusual to hear your neighbours, you know!

I live in a Victorian terrace and can hear when my neighbours cough. If they ever raised their voices even a little, I'd certainly know about it!

I grew up in a 1950s semi which was even worse, we could hear literally everything from next door. Everything.

You're right, you're not an expert

Well I am no expert but the few people I know of who are the victims of dv, never have shouting arguments or any arguments they are too scared to raise their voices and fight back. So if there are two people shouting at each other and this isn't how they normally behave I would assume that for some reason they are pissed off with each other.

They were in bed but that makes no difference when it comes to them hearing such a loud argument. They must have been frightened. I wonder if you went and reassured them afterwards and apologised for scaring them.