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AIBU?

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Original poster

Neighbour rang the police on us!

314 replies

Lonelymum27 · 20/03/2023 22:31

Miss busy body next door has just called the police on us! 10 minute argument and I went off upstairs to bed with DS. We’re both absolutely knackered DS isn’t sleeping so this has taking a toll on us and this is what caused the argument.

she’s rang the police on a few people on the estate before over nothing really,nothing I’d get worked up about.

police have just came banging down our doors and windows blue lights shouting police !gave us the shock of our lives left within minutes as they seen we was fine.

We feel absolutely humiliated now! AIBU to go round in the morning or should I just leave it?

OP posts:
BritInAus · 21/03/2023 00:29

Imagine if you were a victim of DV and nobody had called the police :(
Maybe scream at each other less? 'Only ten minutes'? Really? Do couples generally have ten minute plus screaming matches?

MysteryBelle · 21/03/2023 00:29

Lonelymum27 · 21/03/2023 00:20

@MysteryBelle thank you. Never once have I said we live in a shouty household and it’s like this all the time.

Were struggling terribly at the minute with little to no help it’s so flipping hard everyday I hope it’s going to get a bit easier. We’re like zombies everyday just trying to get through the day.

I came here to vent in hope that someone would understand. But the majority of you have made me feel 10 times worse than I did before I even posted on here.

You’re welcome @Lonelymum27 Many on here love to stomp on others through their keyboards. Maybe pent up frustration they can’t express in real life? 😀

The fact is, we’re all human (at least I assume that’s so 😂) and it’s ok to have arguments sometimes. It’s normal. Not crazy stuff all the time, but raised voices or arguments on occasion, goodness gracious.

Op, look how argumentative these posters are with you. That’s why it’s hard to believe what they claim about themselves.

Original poster
Lonelymum27 · 21/03/2023 00:28

@Bepis DS waking up multiples times in the night very short cat naps then he will stay awake for hours. He’s completely stopped sleeping through the day so he is just grumpy and cries all the time it’s all very depressing. DH can’t cope with the constant crying and I think it’s making him ill to be honest his blood pressure is constantly high.

Its just all very crap at the minute, then we feel guilty for the other 2 as they are just being dragged into the misery of a life.

OP posts:
monsteramunch · 21/03/2023 00:27

Lonelymum27 · 21/03/2023 00:20

@MysteryBelle thank you. Never once have I said we live in a shouty household and it’s like this all the time.

Were struggling terribly at the minute with little to no help it’s so flipping hard everyday I hope it’s going to get a bit easier. We’re like zombies everyday just trying to get through the day.

I came here to vent in hope that someone would understand. But the majority of you have made me feel 10 times worse than I did before I even posted on here.

Sorry it's made you feel worse, genuinely.

I don't think it's just the actual argument people have taken issue with.

It's the fact you've repeatedly been defensive about it being normal and made out it's just what people do, and said the kids didn't hear etc.

If you'd said you were really upset that it happened because you know it's a really damaging thing etc I think the replies would have been different.

But you seem more angry with your neighbour than you are with yourselves for escalating this to the level you did with kids in the house.

slimshadyfan · 21/03/2023 00:24

Please don't feel worse OP. You are only human, as we all are. Ignore the horrible people on this thread. Go to bed, have a cup of tea and rest (if those children will let you!) it's late x

monsteramunch · 21/03/2023 00:24

@MysteryBelle

And lots of you are pretending to never have raised your voices in your life. Sure

Nobody has said they've never raised their voice in their life. They've said that isn't something they do in their current relationship.

I've worked really bloody hard over the years (during which I have previously been in relationships where there were raised voices / shouting, which made me anxious and upset) to unlearn the normalised shouty dynamic of my childhood so now don't raise my voice if I disagree with my current partner and our disagreements don't escalate to that. He is the same way.

Again, nobody has said they have never raised their voice. So I'm not sure why you're being snarky about people making that claim... nobody has.

MysteryBelle · 21/03/2023 00:22

Amortentia · 21/03/2023 00:19

But my neighbour doesn’t think she’s acting crazy. To her, screaming and shouting is absolutely normal. She came to my door baffled about me calling the police. TBF, her behaviour has escalated but for the past 20 years I’ve lived here, she thinks she’s just arguing. It’s no big deal, a bit like some of the people on this thread excusing those who shout when angry.

Show quote history

Ah, so you’re equating the op with your crazed neighbor. As if they’re the same person. Ok.

Bepis · 21/03/2023 00:22

Lonelymum27 · 21/03/2023 00:20

@MysteryBelle thank you. Never once have I said we live in a shouty household and it’s like this all the time.

Were struggling terribly at the minute with little to no help it’s so flipping hard everyday I hope it’s going to get a bit easier. We’re like zombies everyday just trying to get through the day.

I came here to vent in hope that someone would understand. But the majority of you have made me feel 10 times worse than I did before I even posted on here.

What's stopping you sleeping? Are the children keeping you up?

I know how frayed being exhausted can make you. It's awful, you almost start to lose touch with reality and it's also a lot harder to regulate emotions when that tired.

ijustwannahaveagoodnight · 21/03/2023 00:22

Lonelymum27 · 21/03/2023 00:20

@MysteryBelle thank you. Never once have I said we live in a shouty household and it’s like this all the time.

Were struggling terribly at the minute with little to no help it’s so flipping hard everyday I hope it’s going to get a bit easier. We’re like zombies everyday just trying to get through the day.

I came here to vent in hope that someone would understand. But the majority of you have made me feel 10 times worse than I did before I even posted on here.

hopefully now you realise how selfish shouting in a house where sound travels easily at night is and you won’t do it again Smile

slimshadyfan · 21/03/2023 00:22

Sorry wrong tag again! I give up haha. This is all new to me. Good luck OP. Stay positive and only take notice of the good. Good luck x

miraveille · 21/03/2023 00:21

Your and your husbands behaviour is not normal and k say this with kindness. Don't argue when your kids are in bed, they CAN HEAR YOU. Have the maturity to walk away and talk when you're both calmer

slimshadyfan · 21/03/2023 00:20

@MysteryBelle Agreed 💗

Original poster
Lonelymum27 · 21/03/2023 00:20

@MysteryBelle thank you. Never once have I said we live in a shouty household and it’s like this all the time.

Were struggling terribly at the minute with little to no help it’s so flipping hard everyday I hope it’s going to get a bit easier. We’re like zombies everyday just trying to get through the day.

I came here to vent in hope that someone would understand. But the majority of you have made me feel 10 times worse than I did before I even posted on here.

OP posts:
monsteramunch · 21/03/2023 00:20

@MysteryBelle

I don’t think you’re afraid or anything, I’m talking about people who claim to never argue at all. I think we’re all getting our wires crossed.

Sorry but you did say that people who say they never 'raise their voices' are 'either lying or afraid of their partners':

I think people who say they never argue or raise their voices are afraid to speak up to the other person, in fact if people say they’ve never ever had an argument or raised their voices, they’re either lying or they’re afraid of their partners.

Hopefully you can see from this thread that some couples really don't ever raise their voices at each other. They aren't lying or afraid of their partners, they just choose not to be with partners who raise their voice at them and when a partner does (as previous partners of mine have) they end the relationship because that is such an incompatible conflict style for them.

Amortentia · 21/03/2023 00:19

MysteryBelle · 21/03/2023 00:16

Of course the example you’re giving is way over the top crazy. I’m not talking about crazy stuff like that.

Show quote history

But my neighbour doesn’t think she’s acting crazy. To her, screaming and shouting is absolutely normal. She came to my door baffled about me calling the police. TBF, her behaviour has escalated but for the past 20 years I’ve lived here, she thinks she’s just arguing. It’s no big deal, a bit like some of the people on this thread excusing those who shout when angry.

MysteryBelle · 21/03/2023 00:19

monsteramunch · 21/03/2023 00:08

@MysteryBelle

And people aren't saying they've never disagreed with their partner. There's a world of grey area between disagreeing and a shouting match.

That’s exactly my point, lots of grey between a violent crazy screaming and a disagreement, and raised voices in an occasional argument. And lots of you are pretending to never have raised your voices in your life. Sure!

slimshadyfan · 21/03/2023 00:19

@kwetu Thank you. I hope OP zones in on the more positive posts of this thread.

Bepis · 21/03/2023 00:18

@MysteryBelle But me and DH genuinely do not argue. We are so in tune and rarely disagree on matters. It is possible

MysteryBelle · 21/03/2023 00:16

Amortentia · 21/03/2023 00:12

I totally disagree. I think people who have to shout during arguments lack the capacity to verbalise why they are upset and regulate their emotions. Unless something horrific has happened resorting to screaming is really over dramatic.

I live next door to someone who screams at all her family constantly. Either in person or over the phone, she just loses control. I don’t think she realises how crazy she sounds. Plus, I’ve had to call the police a few times because of her behaviour. Once when she had a new partner and she did her usual screaming in fury, I don’t think he had experienced anything like it and he over reacted. I thought he was going to murder her, she was shocked that the police turned Second time she threw so much furniture about she cracked one of our walls.

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Of course the example you’re giving is way over the top crazy. I’m not talking about crazy stuff like that.

Kedece2410 · 21/03/2023 00:16

Id love to know what the responses on here would be if someone posted

'My neighbours have been shouting at each other for a good 10 mins, they have 2 small children in the house, what should I do'

I'd bet almost all the responses would be to call the police & noone would say mind your own business & ignore it

MysteryBelle · 21/03/2023 00:15

monsteramunch · 21/03/2023 00:07

@MysteryBelle

It doesn’t mean they’re violent or acting crazy. I think people who say they never argue or raise their voices are afraid to speak up to the other person, in fact if people say they’ve never ever had an argument or raised their voices, they’re either lying or they’re afraid of their partners.

Nope. I grew up in a shouty house and chose to not stay with anyone who shouted at me during an argument because I can't cope with it and it makes me really anxious and upset.

My partner isn't a naturally shouty or hot headed person anyway and he is sure to not shout in arguments because it would make me anxious and upset, because he loves me.

I'm not lying and I'm not frightened of him one bit. I think it's really sad you don't think it's possible for people to choose partners with compatible conflict styles.

I'm perfectly aware lots of people are fine with shouty arguments. Some of us aren't, for various reasons that have nothing at all to do with a fear of our partners.

Grew up in a shouty house. I refuse to replicate that and continue that cycle.

I’m not talking about huge shouting matches, I don’t like people who shout either. I don’t think you’re afraid or anything, I’m talking about people who claim to never argue at all. I think we’re all getting our wires crossed. I don’t think any of us like shouting matches but can recognize that it is normal for tired exhausted young parents sometimes having raised voices in an argument at times out of frustration which is what the op is trying to explain.

Amortentia · 21/03/2023 00:15

monsteramunch · 21/03/2023 00:07

@MysteryBelle

It doesn’t mean they’re violent or acting crazy. I think people who say they never argue or raise their voices are afraid to speak up to the other person, in fact if people say they’ve never ever had an argument or raised their voices, they’re either lying or they’re afraid of their partners.

Nope. I grew up in a shouty house and chose to not stay with anyone who shouted at me during an argument because I can't cope with it and it makes me really anxious and upset.

My partner isn't a naturally shouty or hot headed person anyway and he is sure to not shout in arguments because it would make me anxious and upset, because he loves me.

I'm not lying and I'm not frightened of him one bit. I think it's really sad you don't think it's possible for people to choose partners with compatible conflict styles.

I'm perfectly aware lots of people are fine with shouty arguments. Some of us aren't, for various reasons that have nothing at all to do with a fear of our partners.

Grew up in a shouty house. I refuse to replicate that and continue that cycle.

Yes, me too. I couldn’t stay with someone who shouted at me. It’s totally unacceptable, I spent most of my childhood and teen years being screamed at by two adults who could not control their own behaviour. Some people seem to accept it as normal, it’s not.

ijustwannahaveagoodnight · 21/03/2023 00:14

MysteryBelle · 21/03/2023 00:11

@ijustwannahaveagoodnight, I live in a house with no shared walls and a large garden so yes my perspective is different but in my pp I told op to not give neighbor any more ammunition. Although when I was younger I did live in a townhouse with shared walls but never heard anything from neighbors, I guess we had thick walls. You saying stfu shows you have a bit of a temper 😏 the fact is, it is normal to have occasional arguments with raised voices. The neighbor was being an ass to call the police, good grief.

Show quote history

i could have the worst temper in the entire world and I still wouldn’t think it reasonable to thoughtlessly disturb my neighbours and then still think I’ve done nothing wrong but ok

Bepis · 21/03/2023 00:13

@monsteramunch I'm exactly the same. Anyone who raised their voice to me shouting would make me anxious and deeply upset. I couldn't live with someone who made me feel like that.

Amortentia · 21/03/2023 00:12

MysteryBelle · 21/03/2023 00:02

People argue sometimes. And raise their voices. It doesn’t mean they’re violent or acting crazy. I think people who say they never argue or raise their voices are afraid to speak up to the other person, in fact if people say they’ve never ever had an argument or raised their voices, they’re either lying or they’re afraid of their partners. Something is off. It is normal to have disagreements, and yes arguments with raised voices sometimes. Not talking about crazy violent shouting matches that go on 24/7.

I totally disagree. I think people who have to shout during arguments lack the capacity to verbalise why they are upset and regulate their emotions. Unless something horrific has happened resorting to screaming is really over dramatic.

I live next door to someone who screams at all her family constantly. Either in person or over the phone, she just loses control. I don’t think she realises how crazy she sounds. Plus, I’ve had to call the police a few times because of her behaviour. Once when she had a new partner and she did her usual screaming in fury, I don’t think he had experienced anything like it and he over reacted. I thought he was going to murder her, she was shocked that the police turned Second time she threw so much furniture about she cracked one of our walls.