Neighbour rang the police on us!

This.

@MysteryBelle

🙄 oh my, your language. I don’t believe for a minute that you never raise your voice.

My language? I said piss, haven't even sworn 😂

Someone can have strong opinions and not shout at people. They aren't mutually exclusive.

I think it's bizarre you keep saying people are lying if they don't agree with you or say something that's alien to you.

I've acknowledged lots of people are fine with shouting at each other and that I don't think it necessarily means they have a toxic, bad relationship.

All I've said to you repeatedly is that some people don't do it and that it wouldn't work for them. That it's possible not to do it.

Saying I must be lying is really odd.

Well said.

Nope my neighbours are reasonable people with young children and guess what?
Sometimes they argue too.
My kids have heard an argument or two as well and while it's not ideal, we don't live in lala land. They are aware that disagreements happen, sometimes frustration gets the better of us and we lose our cool. We have a shout occasionally, never any violence. There is lots of laughter love and joy in our house but we are very real and I'm not raising my kids to think that arguments don't happen.

🙄 oh my, your language. I don’t believe for a minute that you never raise your voice.

You all are jumping on the op and that seems t be ok with you. Look how you’re arguing with her. That makes me doubt your claims about yourselves in real life.

@MysteryBelle

You remember the cream carpet and cream leather sofa. In your high chair. Maybe you threw down a hand mirror and broke it and that’s why your mother was crying.

You realise you're now taking the piss out of someone sharing something they find really upsetting and traumatic? Nice.

Who says we sit and stew? We argue, we just don't do it at the top of our lungs

I don’t think it’s “nutso” to be able to resolve differences with someone that you love and respect by having a warm and kind conversation about the problem at a normal volume.

Sleep deprivation is horrific. I have a child with autism and epilepsy and there have been days when neither my husband or I have had much sleep, maybe a couple of hours out of 48 hours.
We have had disagreements, and the odd hissing at each other, but we have never shouted at each other on 15 years for more than a fast outburst. 10 minutes is actually a very long time to be shouting, even when sleep deprived. It’s not nice for others to hear, especially children who need to feel secure in their own homes.

I rang the police on my neighbours last week when they were having a screaming match. They’re always rowing as it is and recently they’ve put the house on the market and I hope to Christ it’s because they’re getting divorced.

Thing is, they might just be shouty people, but there comes a point where shouting and screaming and in this case banging makes you worry about what really is going on next door.

I was amazed at how fast the police arrived actually, two cars in about five minutes.

Of course everyone argues, and everyone reaches a point where things get too much.

But if you’re screaming at each other to the extent the neighbours are calling the police then you need to take a step back and ask yourself whether this is a healthy relationship. Because odds are that it’s not.

All that means is you sit and simmer with an awkward atmosphere for hours/days. Have an argument, say your piece, move on. I've been with my husband 18 years, very happy, but we'll air our annoyances. Not everyone is a silently stew type. My parents were and it sometimes went on days, v annoying as a child. They've been happily married over 45 years, but I do remember their silent treatment fallouts and the awkward atmosphere.

Oh goodness, that sounds really hard. Have you got any advice or support from anyone regards your child waking up so often? Maybe it's something that could be resolved.

If your neighbours can hear your 10 min+ shouting matches, it does make you a bad neighbour. Obviously. And parent, if your kids can hear it

Or we think it's quite important that people know if they want to be in a relationship where they don't raise their voices when they disagree with their partner, and vice versa, it isn't an impossible ask. So they don't have to stay in a relationship where the conflict style makes them anxious and upset. They can choose to only stay with a partner who is compatible on that front.

Loads of people would be fine with raising voices to each other. I completely get that. And I don't think it's necessarily a sign of a toxic relationship if people do shout at each other in arguments, if both people are ok with it and not anxious / upset by it. I don't accuse them of lying just because they are different to me.

It would be nice if you could extend the same courtesy to people who don't have a relationship that features raised voices over disagreements.

Well congrats to you but other people do have arguments.
I've had many shouting matches with my husband, usually because I'm tired, emotional, frustrated. It doesn't make for a bad relationship, a bad neighbour or a bad parent, just different from yours.
Sometimes they last longer than 10mins too.

I’d say you posters jumping on, judging, and lecturing op are very used to arguing and like it very much, you can’t stop jumping on her, have to assume you’re like this in real life.

Never mind your neighbour, a loud shouting match in front of your son is really bad.

My earliest memory is of being in my high chair, people arguing and shouting, my mum crying in distress and there being a broken mirror with shards over a cream carpet and cream leather sofa, then I think someone took me upstairs. Very small children do remember these things.

Then I'll up the ante and say that in 15 years neither me or DP have ever shouted at each other. A 10 min shouting match is not normal.

My eldest didn't sleep a night until he was 3, my youngest is almost 2 and while better is still up 3 times a night. My son has febrile seizures so is up a lot. We often don't sleep for days. Yes we argue, sometimes we argue through gritted teeth quietly while the kids are occupied. Screaming so the neighbours call the police? Absolutely not and definitely not Infront of children.

You need to think about how your child will be affected and why you think screaming matches are acceptable

Ahh no we have young kids, they've all been horrible sleepers, we've had many a shouty slanging match exhausted over the years, thankfully our neighbours (an old couple) say nothing. Sometimes you lose your shit that tired, you're only human. Ignore the busy body neighbour (and argue in a room not on the shared wall next time lol).

OP said their baby was awake in their cot and they were shouting at the top of the stairs.

Nope. At no point did I say the op was as crazy as my neighbour. What I’m saying it that sometimes you can behave a certain way without realising that your behaviour is wrong and impacting negatively on other people. That sometimes you think your behaviour is ok, and not that bad. However, if you don’t realise that your behaviour is wrong and change how you deal with stress it can escalate and become a huge problem.

I take back what I said OP if the kids slept through it. I was thinking you were playing it down if she had called the police and that it was more than a bit of shouting.
apologies.