Neighbour rang the police on us!

Yes all couples argue and sounds like this lady is a busy body. But at the same time people should be encouraged to phone the police if they genuinely fear for someone. I grew up in a household of constant arguments in front of us kids. Trust me we always knew and lying in bed pretending to be asleep was our tactic as it was so scary. Why do you take your child to work too? Surely childcare would be the preference?

My neighbour called the police on me for everything! Kids playing in my garden -police. Created covid bubble with my partner -police. Even called the police when I had a party…. There was no party as we all go to bed about 9.
🤷‍♀️

How do you know she rang the police? Terrible shouting that loud in front of your child

I find it difficult to understand how you could have so little self-awareness. That you can't imagine that a 10-min shouting match might disturb neighbours (never mind those in the house!), that you put in a hot tub with so little space that the resulting noise disturbs the neighbours, that you don't know why your extra car was an irritant. If you want to keep upsetting neighbours, carry on. If you want to improve your relationships, try to think of situations from another person's point of view. You really should apologise for being such a pain.

Neighbours calling the police should be a wake up call for you and your husband. Enlist support from family, friends, babysitters and get some rest. Get some counselling to work on your communication and parenting skills. Make sure your children have other adults they can turn to if they need support. Use foolproof contraception so you don't have another child when you're already not coping. Don't assume you know which neighbour reported you, and do apologise to all of them for causing disturbance and worry.

My friend had the police called on her when being attacked by her partner in a DV incident as the neighbour heard shouting.

They were brilliant and put a restraing order on him enabling her to leave the relationship.

How was your neighbour to know this was not the same?

Keep your voices down when having an argy in future

I wouldn't say anything. At best she was trying to help, at worst she was interfering. I'd just keep arguments a bit quieter going forward.

I am going to ignore the rest of it - how are you managing the sleep ? Can you take it i shifts ? Or alternate nights ?

Sleep deprivation is tough-

And as another poster pointed out, it's notable how the people who claim never to raise their voices or say a thoughtless word to their partner, are gleefully piling on someone who is clearly feeling vulnerable and isolated already. Kindness, indeed.

I argue with my DH in that we disagree but I've never had a shouting match with him. We're both adults and can actually talk to resolve our differences.

"I say this with kindness" has got to be the most weasel-word mumsnet phrase ever.

I take it that this was at night.
Sound carries even more.

No way I want to be trying to relax or go to bed and have to listen to someone's domestic.

Learn to communicate and deal with your emotions and stress without loudly shouting.

I’ve had this happen to me too. I responded like it never happened and kept saying hello etc. Confronting your neighbor will not make you feel better and then you have the awkwardness of seeing them again. Acting like you aren’t bothered will make her feel a twit. You know what happened in yourself. It was not worth a police call. Don’t stoop to their level. I would say they might hear more than you think and could have just been sick of the noise. Still to involve the police is so low. I cannot stand the police though.
My neighbor has a dog that barks all the live long day and I work from home. Some days it grates so much but I just think ‘that’s life’. Listening to people argue is not pleasant but I highly doubt they thought you were in danger. They were just being CFs.

This! YABU.

Honestly mumsnet has always been full of judgy people but there used to be a nice batch of genuinely helpful ladies that always pitched in and said some positive things.

But the past few months it's gotten really bad. I've noticed some usernames that seen to be linked to likely a group of people and they seem to intentionally ask trap questions that turn threads dark and become derailed.

When I noticed the pattern and stopped replying to said usernames I've had a user chase me on a previous username and essentially harass me on my threads asking no DEMANDING I answer their trap question. If I didn't answer they insisted it was proof I was a bad person.

The mods are useless and told me it was not against guidelines and essentially made me feel the only option is to accept the harassment or demand the threads be taken down.

Not saying that is what happened with this thread but just that I know how you feel OP. Mumsnet is not fun anymore.

I can't be myself here like I used to be able to.

I feel my character is always called into question for things that are really overblown. I now keep my threads light and I've been slowly pulling away.

I've already deleted my main mumsnet account and I'm planning to delete this one too rather soon.

The community here is not what it used to be sadly. Sorry that you are dealing with it too.

No they don't. 3 police officers at mine. Checked on DD. Removed person from house. No referral whatsoever.

I feel for you @Lonelymum27 . Also your username sounds like you are quite sad.

My neighbours knew to call the police if they heard me screaming after one time I was hospitalised.

Are you happy in your relationship? Genuine question based on your username.

Thank you @ijustwannahaveagoodnight for that link, I haven't finished the full article yet, but as a woman in my 60's who grew up in a (middle class - I think that that distinction could have some importance in the cause and effect in my own childhood) small family unit, where my parents argued far too much, and where my father was frighteningly scary - he used to say things to my mum, which I took to mean to me also, but "even" if he was "only" referring to my mum, that was just as bad. He used to tell us that during the war he was taught how to kill anther grown man, quickly and efficiently, with just his bare hands. He never, in my presence anyway, actually said that therefore if neither my mum or I behaved "well" then he could do the same to us, but that is how I took it - I don't think I have ever told anyone that before, I certainly never talked about it with my mum, but that article might help to partly explain why I have at least some of my illnesses and disabilities today.

It is so very scary how we can screw up our children's lives without even being aware that we are doing so. None of us know the OP's own history, on top of having to deal with crucifying tiredness, so maybe we should all be trying to be more supportive towards her, while still gently trying to point out how, when, and why, we think that some of what she is thinking is probably unreasonable.

Lol, that would be me! I feel so sorry for native Australians who have Arachnophobia.

March/April, and Setember/October, are awful in my house, and I live in England - I have just had to look over my shoulder now and check all the walls, eurgh... If I see one you may well here the scream wherever you are!

I do have sympathy with the OP, lack of sleep is horrendous, and she and her partner could do with some calm outside agency to offer advice on how to cope in their situation - basically if there are two of you, you need to come up with someway that each of the adults can get an absolute minimum of 4 hours uninterrupted sleep a night, preferably 6 hours, which would still leave 12 hours for the one who is working (I'm presuming here that Mum is still on Maternity leave).

This is the realism of having children. I know that millions have done so since Homo Sapians first evolved, but we used to live in tight knit communities, where everyone helped each other, it is only relatively recently that new families have had to find a way to struggle on with no other help.
So I really hope that the OP and her partner can get some real help either with somehow managing to sort out a workable - and almost certainly temporary - timetable between themselves, or preferably with the help of extended family if there are any available. I think that not knowing if, or when, you are ever going to get another proper sleep, is an absolute ball breaker.

Yes 👍🏻

You were loud enough for her to hear, you know she has done this before and according to you it is not out of concern

And you say she is in the wrong?

I'm guessing your baby is disturbing her all day and night too and now your arguing at the top of the stairs has pushed her over the edge. Maybe this is her way of saying "I can hear every noise coming from your house. Shut up please."

Sorry you’re having a hard time OP but lots of us have young kids who don’t sleep and yet we are able to conduct ourselves in ways that doesn’t involve a shouting match with our husband which is loud enough to wake the neighbour. I thought most couples had heated whispers so it didn’t wake the other kids in the house and the fact your older kids slept through says to me this is a regular occurrence.

acamh.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jcpp.12893

ok

If you’re going round to say you hadn’t realised you could be overheard and that you are glad to know she cares enough to phone the police for your and LO’s protection, then I think that’s a fine idea.

I know you’re finding her overbearing but it doesn’t sound like you’re necessarily thinking about how your actions affect her. It might be that your neighbour is an anxious person, or excessive shouting frightens her. I had an abusive childhood and when I hear men scream I get panicked; the man next door loses his temper sometimes and I can actually feel a physical fight or flight kick in. I wouldn’t call the cops but I hate it.

Personally I’d use it as a chance to reassure her and thank her for looking out for you, one day you might be glad of her.
If it’s as you suggest and she’s constantly doing it vexatiously the police will soon get her number.