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AIBU?

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Original poster

Comments about ethnicity?

70 replies

smashin · 08/03/2023 04:07

I am English and work with people from other ethnicities and sometimes they assume I’m another ethnicity. I’ve had a mix of things. I don’t know why. I’m assuming it’s because I have brown eyes but that’s not really out of the ordinary is it?

I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say/react as some are properly insistent I must be from a different country and it does get dragged into an awkward long conversation about my appearance. They think I’m X and when I say I’m not, they’re like “where are you really from” “what country are your parents from” etc. I wouldn’t say this happens often, but it’s often enough that I find it annoying. Aibu?

I work with the public with complex needs so it’s not colleagues. I also work in a predominantly “BAME” area with people that might not speak English so try and write it off as a cultural thing but every time it does make me think FFS. One service user randomly told my colleague they were looking for “Y ethnicity person” and no one knew who they were on about. 20 minutes later out it was me. Then that turned into a conversation about my appearance!

OP posts:
zorgoid · 08/03/2023 05:46

“where are you really from”

No one should be asking this. It's 2023. We should be better than this.

Original poster
smashin · 08/03/2023 05:42

@Havealovelydaytoday thank you for that. I have noticed it’s the same users posting on this thread multiple times too.

like I already know my family’s background. I don’t need a heritage test. There’s nothing wrong with my appearance, brown eyes aren’t unusual.

@AmIThatMam yes it’s that exact sequence of questions! It does feel like a way to “other” you doesn’t it? sometimes it’s followed by something dumb like “but you’re too pretty to be English, are you sure?” - almost like people expect me to be exotic and are disappointed I’m not. Meanwhile I’m at work just trying to do my job. I don’t get this race commentary in my personal life.

OP posts:
AmIThatMam · 08/03/2023 05:33

Nimbostratus100 · 08/03/2023 05:29

why is it remotely important? Is is a total non issue

Show quote history

Of course it’s a non issue to you, it’s not happening to you!
mid I told someone I’m English and they said no, where are you really from, and I said England and they said ‘well where are your parents from…’ hmmm I think this has been in the news recently! It’s racist and unnecessary.

Havealovelydaytoday · 08/03/2023 05:32

of course it’s a bloody issue

the queens lady in waiting hit the headlines with a not dissimilar story just a few months ago. People not accepting your answer is essentially a way of saying that they do not accept you as ‘one of them’ and that is important. And rude.

Nimbostratus100 · 08/03/2023 05:29

AmIThatMam · 08/03/2023 05:15

How is it ok to insist that someone is not ‘from here?’ Ffs I can’t believe anyone thinks this is ok, but then it’s MN I suppose. YANBU, and no you don’t have to say ‘who knows, maybe etc just say - I’m English (Scottish Welsh, Irish?!) and change the subject.

why is it remotely important? Is is a total non issue

Nimbostratus100 · 08/03/2023 05:27

Lucylock · 08/03/2023 04:55

My DD gets this alot as she has unusually dark eyes. The other kids at her 'ethnically mixed London school frequently ask her if she has an Asian heritage. We found out from one of those DNA tests that DH has Iranian heritage from way back. Maybe you have a mixed background somewhere? I'd just have a one line answer ready and leave it at that.

those DNA tests mean nothing

Havealovelydaytoday · 08/03/2023 05:24

Has the OP indicated in any way that she feels it is interesting that people think she’s not British, or that she wishes to find out about her ancestry? I’m wondering because I feel like I’m reading a different thread to everybody else.

How is it ok to insist that someone is not ‘from here?’ Ffs I can’t believe anyone thinks this is ok, but then it’s MN I suppose. YANBU

this

Goodread1 · 08/03/2023 05:17

Typo mistake
I ment to say
You may find tracing your families heritages roots etc, and doing a Dna tests,

You may be susprised what you find out , and find out what you orginally thought your ethnicity is,
that way back in history,
there is a more to just that, and you find out Ancestors way way back come from other places,

It's a popular pastime people do nowadays cause of TV programmes like Who do you think,
About well known people in media and their families heritage /learning about their social history of Ancestors

AmIThatMam · 08/03/2023 05:15

How is it ok to insist that someone is not ‘from here?’ Ffs I can’t believe anyone thinks this is ok, but then it’s MN I suppose. YANBU, and no you don’t have to say ‘who knows, maybe etc just say - I’m English (Scottish Welsh, Irish?!) and change the subject.

Lucylock · 08/03/2023 04:55

My DD gets this alot as she has unusually dark eyes. The other kids at her 'ethnically mixed London school frequently ask her if she has an Asian heritage. We found out from one of those DNA tests that DH has Iranian heritage from way back. Maybe you have a mixed background somewhere? I'd just have a one line answer ready and leave it at that.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/03/2023 04:45

If you’re interested look into your family tree/gene stuff as above. If you’re not, just laugh it off and say “oh yeah, a lot of people ask me that but as far as I know my family are just from boring old x/y/z. Maybe way back someone was from somewhere a bit more exotic, or my great great grandma had an affair with a sailor or something,,who knows?” And just shrug.

I know a couple of Greek people who are sometimes mistaken as Indian because of their dark colouring. They just think it’s funny.

EmmaEmerald · 08/03/2023 04:44

smashin · 08/03/2023 04:17

Initially I didn’t think twice. I just think it’s a build up of incidents where I now feel like “here we go again”. I don’t get why my ethnicity needs to be a topic of discussion anyway, particularly at work

Agree
that must be really annoying.

Goodread1 · 08/03/2023 04:41

Oops typo mistake
I ment suggest Ancestors way back in history came from ect

Goodread1 · 08/03/2023 04:39

@smashin

Come on , build up of incidents, !!! the way you saying it,
It sounds as if they are saying cultral slurs on your ethnicity or something 🤔

palelavender · 08/03/2023 04:39

My son gets this quite a bit. He has very dark hair and brown eyes. He is a Celt who missed out on the traditional blue eyes.

Goodread1 · 08/03/2023 04:36

Hi Op
I sort of see what you mean, but I would let it go,
Don't be over sensitivity about it,

Have you ever looked into finding out about your family roots and ethnicity?

You be susprised how many twists and turns it will taken you

How fascinating it will be too,

You might find about way further back in history you have interesting colourful characters in your family,

Also ethnicity you think you are, you may find way back in history as lots of people did immigration for all sorts of reasons,
You might find there is something more to your ethnicity than ethnicity you thought there was too,
It may be certain people can see something about you, that suggests your Ancestors way way back in history
Through emigration camd from other places than were you though came from,

And finding out about social history about this.

Womblemumma · 08/03/2023 04:30

Laugh it off. You can say your ethnicity and if they say you’re wrong, laugh it off and reply “ I think I know where I’m from!” And end the conversation. Don’t let it get to you, use humour to brush it off.

Nimbostratus100 · 08/03/2023 04:18

o just let it go! Especially if you are working with people with "complex needs". It doesn't matter

Original poster
smashin · 08/03/2023 04:17

Initially I didn’t think twice. I just think it’s a build up of incidents where I now feel like “here we go again”. I don’t get why my ethnicity needs to be a topic of discussion anyway, particularly at work

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 08/03/2023 04:10

why does it bother you? It sounds like a total non issue to me