Comments about ethnicity?

I get it must get frustrating. But OP are you frustrated because you don’t feel you should be asked this because you are from the UK? And that you’re being othered in your own country? Are you saying it would be ok if your heritage was from different country of origin/race? Am confused.

You can't walk around with a chip on your shoulder like that.

What about 2 people with very similar skin tones do you still feel people are stereotyping?

I might actually say this to people, that's a good one.

Curly "But when it’s a BAME environment, as OP describes it, people of all ethnicities tend to find other’s cultures interesting. They like to talk about “home” countries or extended family back home in my experience. I would think it more unusual to get annoyed by questions like that, if it’s part of friendly chit chat by all types of ethnicities. Just coolly stating “I’m English” and frowning or making it clear you won’t discuss it further in any way is, I feel, a little bit abrasive"

I don't find it particularly linked to BAME envirinmemts - hate those terms too - and I intend to be abrasive when I point out I'm English. Nosey parkers usually persist unless you are cool or abrasive.

@Havealovelydaytoday

Wow
I have forgotten its the Age or era of should be known/ Called as Weird Times, !

When people get Offended by Anything and Everything these days,

When people should be fearful of asking any innocent questions in case they should be put under the ever watchful eye of thought police ,

George Orwell 84 ,

people can be naturally just curious about well people in general,

I get, it could be irritating to be asked about ethnicity several times,
(People can curiosity Nosey,

Sometimes some People are irritating that's just life,

But too Assume everyone is a Racist Bigot, like Alf Garrnet fictional TV character programme from 70s,
Just cause they enquire about Op@smashin ethnicity is,

And I come from a cultral background where my Ancestors and people in history from my cultural heritage have suffered racial persecution and Slavely well documented, for a long time,
Several hundred years,

And I have experienced racial prejudice incidents and even in some countries even present day people from my cultral heritage still suffer from racial persecution, even from police, who turn a blind eye or actually have been actually been involved in racial prejudice, hate crime attacks

I am of British /welsh African Caribbean heritage

It's rude to ask about ethnic origin, but still common. I refuse to give any answer on principle. They are trying to fit you into their stereotypes and I'm not playing that game.

Big smile and 'not up for discussion, thanks'!

I am white British and get this quite a lot as I'm dark-haired and olive-skinned. It doesn't bother me but I think that's because I'm white so it's non-threatening. I can completely get how it could be threatening, or at least othering to someone who did have a mixed heritage.

Who actually do you think you are to tell someone what time and what topics they can discuss on MN?

Arrogant or what

The 'where are you really from' threads come up every week on MN.

Why don't you have a look at them? There are plenty

There's really no need to wake up at 4am in the morning to write this.

And yes, you are probably overthinking it and people mean no harm

I have had this since the 1960s when it was unusual to be mixed race . I just put my dark hair down to my Irish heritage on my mum’s side . I only found out about my biological father after mum died . He was Asian . To be honest the questions never bothered me . It was nice to be different.

No, people kept wittering about her researching her ethnicity!

Op wrote I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say/react as some are properly insistent I must be from a different country and it does get dragged into an awkward long conversation about my appearance.

in response to this some people offered advice about what she/he could say or react like in future.

And I think a lot of the people who are insisting that it’s just a bit of a chuckle, why not find out about your ancestry, are probably the sort of annoying idiots who park themselves next to you on a bus or train, start asking you questions like you’re being cross examined on the stand and then when rebuffed mutter about only being FRIENDLY …

dS1 has olive skin which tans very easily, brown eyes and dark brown hair. People often assume he’s mixed race

Race and ethnicity can be a difficult subject to discuss, but in general I would say that refusing to accept someone’s response is extremely arrogant and is frustrating for the person in receipt of it. I realise that the OP is working with people with complex needs who may be doing this unintentionally but like anything, it doesn’t mean it’s less irritating. If I’m working with someone with additional needs who lashes out, then I’m not going to blame them personally, but I can still think ‘ow, that bloody hurt!’

I’ve had a lifetime of this, not quite in the same context but accent related, and there is nothing like making you feel you don’t belong and aren’t really accepted than people making a huge fuss about how you look and/or how you speak.

i guess if these conversations don't take place both of you are non the wiser....

yes, this. When conversation amongst communities of multiple ethnicities ABOUT ethnicity and heritage is easy and natural, with non-racist connotations, and forms part of every day social exchanges, without any offence either intended OR taken, then perhaps that is true sign of a multi-racial community living at ease with each other.

The OP hasn’t said she is white. She said she is English. That isn’t an ethnicity . That people often assume she is X/y/z ethnicity.

actually I’m surprised at how OP described herself, working in a BAME community. Perhaps that is the whole point of the thread, to discuss people’s prejudices?

@CurlyhairedAssassin agree with you. I find cultures interesting too!

I get it all the time.... I've had people run up to me at work and ask me if I can translate for them and repeatly ask me too despite me saying NO. I've had a Somalian lady think I was Somalian like herself and she had been wondered why I had not been saying good morning to her in "our language" I was utterly shocked..... but I am GLAD she spoke up because I explained to her I am not Somalian but my mum is mixed race and my dad is black and we DO have similar skin tones!

I guess if these conversations don't take place both of you are non the wiser....

Just because the op is white doesn’t mean it can’t be rude, inappropriate and annoying

Yes this. It's 'othering' and not acceptable.

Are you me OP? Except I am BAME though and I don't mind people asking where I am from.

This is part of the problem in UK people aren't very aware of what race someone is because it's a bit of a taboo question and I know some people would rather nit be asked because they feel judged which I can understand also.

If you work within a BAME culture though you need to get on board with the culture. A LOT of people that are from a BAME background will say things like "who's your dad" or what's your surname... I wouldn't be offended at all OP. Only you know if it's being said in a negative context?? I think its not though... and your post has made me laugh... perhaps the community obviously like you and feel you fit 👀in 😅

No, the ‘something wrong’ is the OPs answer not being accepted.

I think phrasing it as “where are you really from?” Or “where are your parents from?” is bang out of order. OP could be adopted or anything.

But when it’s a BAME environment, as OP describes it, people of all ethnicities tend to find other’s cultures interesting. They like to talk about “home” countries or extended family back home in my experience. I would think it more unusual to get annoyed by questions like that, if it’s part of friendly chit chat by all types of ethnicities. Just coolly stating “I’m English” and frowning or making it clear you won’t discuss it further in any way is, I feel, a little bit abrasive, particularly amongst people with complex needs some of whom may be quite direct in their approach, as you must know. Just a shrug, a laugh, and a “not as far as I know/ maybe great Great grandad was, who knows” makes it clear that you don’t see the question as particularly relevant and their assumption is probably incorrect.

But if you are so insistent on correcting them and making sure they must absolutely know that you are not of the ethnicity they think you are, to the extent of appearing fed up/annoyed about it, then it also could give the impression that you think there is something wrong with that particular ethnicity. and that is racist in itself, isn’t it?

:) I used to have something similar when I lived in Australia. No idea why! All my friends were Asian or Eastern European, and never believed I was English! Apparently I didn't come across as English. Never got to the bottom of how an English person is supposed to come across! I have an English accent, blue eyes. But everyone thought I was Eastern European! To be honest, I quite enjoyed it times!