Disagreeing with DP about safe sleeping

She's been totally fine In her self feeding fine colour is fine breathing fine but my anxiety is not fine 😔 the bib wasnt tight over her face it wasn't even clipped together I just popped up under her neck to catch eny sick but ad nodded of

If she was crying I would guess that she's fine but please ask a doctor to check her!

Hi lady's please any reasurenc so last night I'd fell asleep but left the bib on my 7 week old baby coz she's quiet sicky
I'd awakeend to her crying up on checking her the bib was litrealy covering her full face I imidetly pulled it down and panaked iv spent the full night and morning seriously panaking that it's caused oxygen deprivation I feel like the shittys mum ever 😞😭 will she be ok as any one ever had a similar experience

I know someone who slept with the baby on the sofa and the baby died. You are right @bells2810 and your DP is wrong. I am sorry you are going through this, it’s an awful time to be arguing. I hope everything improves for you soon. 💐

Not on the sofa definitely. Co sleeping though, is not ruled out by the NHS. Here's the latest guidelines:

Be safe if you share a bed with your baby
If you share a bed with your baby (co-sleeping), you should:

make sure they sleep on a firm, flat mattress lying on their back
not have any pillows or duvets near them
not have other children or pets in the bed at the same time
It's important not to share a bed with your baby if they had a low birthweight (less than 2.5kg or 5.5lb) or if you or your partner:

smoke (no matter where or when you smoke and even if you never smoke in bed)
have had 2 or more units of alcohol
have taken recreational drugs
have taken medicine that causes drowsiness
Never sleep with a baby on a sofa or armchair
It's lovely to have your baby with you for a cuddle or a feed, but sleeping with your baby on a sofa or armchair is linked to a higher risk of SIDS.

It's safest to put your baby back in their cot before you go to sleep.

Do not let anyone smoke near your baby
Babies exposed to cigarette smoke before and after birth are at an increased risk of SIDS. Do not let anyone smoke in the house, including visitors.

Ask anyone who needs to smoke to go outside. Do not take your baby into smoky places.

If you smoke, sharing a bed with your baby increases the risk of cot death.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/caring-for-a-newborn/reduce-the-risk-of-sudden-infant-death-syndrome/

Yep his behaviour is awful and dare I say abusive.

how's things, OP ?
are there any close female relatives or friends whom you could go to stay with for a while ?
also seek HCP advice.
tell them everything.
you need support.
and a calm environment.
wishing you and baby all the best.
keep in touch.

Completely this.

It's not about whether co sleeping is best or wakening a baby is foolish it's about you as a mother having to engage in this at your most vulnerable.. You need to be protected, looked after as you recover from surgery and adjust to being a new mom at the same time.
Everything is about you and the baby right now and this guy is not seeing this. You shouldn't have to get out of your bed to check he is not asleep on the couch. That is beyond stressful in your present state. I hope you are OK.

For clarity, I'd use the muslin square as a sheet in the mosses basket. Im not saying it's perfect! Lol

As past posters said. It's very dangerous. A family member of ours did this with a 5 week old. My husbands cousin offered to look after the baby while his wife slept. He fell asleep on the sofa and the baby overheated and died. Was horrendous. I suggest you guys shove muslin squares down your tops so it gets your scent. Plus warm the mosses with a hot water bottle to take the chill off (not hot!!). Its not foolproof but it helped my eldest get used to the basket. Was hard going though and you have my every sympathy

I was told to wake to feed both of mine until they regained their birth weights, which only took a week or two so it was really the very early days when they were waking up a lot anyway. My DC are 3yo and 10 months old, so this was recent. They were both under 7lbs, though, so not massive.

I expect it depends on weight, age, general health and how they're being fed.

Isn’t the wake to feed advice dependent on the weight of the baby? I’ve never been told this but my babies were chunkers from the start and weight gain was rapid. Any mums I’ve know who’ve been advised to wake babies it’s been because they were wanting to get more into them in the early days.

I was also told to wake the baby when they were a newborn, at antenatal classes, by midwife and HV. My DS is 6 months. I think it's about making sure they have enough milk, put on enough weight and possibly a SIDS element too. We set an alarm as a backstop for if he slept an hour or so longer than we would have expected. Didn't usually need it.

I was never once told to wake baby to feed by any midwife, health visitor or GP after having a baby a little over a year ago.
Neither was anyone I knew who had a baby at the same time.

My youngest has just gone 2 I've never been advised to wake to feed, whether that's changed over the last 12 months I couldn't say?

Just to add, when talking about waking to feed I'm referring to overnight only. In the day I wouldn't let them go over around 3 hours without a feed and would wake if necessary. Overnight let them wake as required, it was never that long anyway.

From what I recall, the advice that only breastfeeding mothers should co sleep, was simply a bloke watching and writing about his own (breastfeeding) wife. He then looked at how the positioning of FF mums tended to lie, and that the BF mum position was safer. So if you tell all parents, including FF ones, the position they need, then the problem is solved.

Some dads sleep heavier than mums, sometimes the reverse is true. For us, my husband woke quicker than me. We both took it in turns to sleep safely with them, and this was the case for my BF baby and my FF one.

We used a side sleeper (one that very much formed part of the bed) so we'd curl around then in that - is we talked, we'd have hit the sides before rolling on them.

What he is suggesting is not safe. There's probably an element of him being much more relaxed because he's a third, but that shouldn't mean taking risks with safety. I wouldn't be waking to feed though.

There's going to be flashpoints because it's your first and his third, and I'd suggest that when things calm down you both try to discuss this.

I’m not sure - I’m a first time mum but both my midwife and ante natal classes have been very clear on it. I suppose guidance always changes over time as research develops.

I gave the advice not to wake unless consistently sleeping for longer period than 4 or 5 hours. My youngest is 11, so I've not had a baby recently, so didn't realise advice has changed.

But I'm curious, why has the advice changed? Have babies been dying/getting very ill over previous advice? People.habe been letting sleeping babies sleep for a very very long time, and as far as I'm aware it's not been a problem, so I do wonder why the advice has changed.

Purflo claim it is safe but there is no relevant standard, they have been held by the ASA to have been misleading in their advertising and Lullaby Trust haven't made a distinction. I would consider them the same as a sleepyhead or other nest.

I really feel for you OP. I had a baby 2 weeks ago myself (DC2).

I'd absolutely recommend you getting a newborn sleeping bag (I have a grobag one, you can get them from boots or Amazon). My baby wouldn't settle in his next to me cot without it. I think it's because it's like being hugged closely. I double checked with midwife, who said they are safe.

Don't let your husband sleep with baby on his chest. You're absolutely right that it isn't safe.

Also keep an eye on your mood. With my first I had a traumatic delivery and couldn't stop crying once I got home. It was definitely not just the 'baby blues', I needed some help.

Should add, the sleepyhead is not safe but the Purflo is and our baby lived in his. It’s pricey but I found it to be worth it.

If he wants to bedshare he needs to do so safely. If you're breastfeeding baby is really better off next to you. Follow safe sleep 7 and cuddle curl.

You are right on the sleep thing so stick to your guns.

We woke our babies for breastfeeds until they were about 3 weeks old I think.

He has had babies before, but you haven't. This is your first, you have had surgery and he needs to be helping you to do this and enjoy your new baby, not taking over the baby and making decisions for you. So changing the nappy when it is painful for you, running around for the stuff you can't, settling baby back into the Moses basket so that you can sleep with her by you etc.

He needs to be doing the bits that are physically difficult for you at the moment, and sharing the joy.

And drinks and food.

I coslept with my second every night until he was about a year old even in hospital. There are safe ways to cosleep and on someone chest isn't. It's really unfair of him to behave this way whilst you are so vulnerable. All he needs to do is Google safe cosleeping and he'll see in black and white that it is never recommended to sleep with a child on your chest.