Mum's new boyfriend

Thoughts on my new guy I’m seeing getting weird almost jealous me and my son 21 Brendon going away for a long weekend together in my caravan I own myself

Poor Bob, he thought he was going to get his leg over at your mums Friday night, was then told he'd have to help baby sit some kids he's never met, and then told people he's never met might think he's a pedo. Not quite the Friday night he had planned I bet.

In all serious your mum should be able to see your point of view on it all.

If you don't want him there when she babysits thats fine, but I don't think objecting on the grounds YOU haven't met him was the best approach. It comes across as though somehow you think you have a special ability to judge character that your mum doesn't.
In her shoes I'd find that patronising, because realistically, you meeting him for a couple of hours isn't going to tell you more about him than she knows from being in a relationship with him.
Better to have said 'until he's been around a bit longer'.

Completely fine. That is how you feel. You don't know him and nor does she very well.

Difficult one. YANBU

However i usually deem accepting someones offer of childcare akin to accepting their decisions. If you are happy enough to trust your mum with your children then should you not also trust her decision one way or another to have her BF stay?

As i said, difficult one which would probably have been best approached in person. Unfortunately she has now had her childcare choices questioned and it depends on how she takes it.

No-one said the mum had to agree to babysit and ditch the bf on Fri. Not even the OP said that. It's entirely up to the OP's DM if she wants to babysit or see her bf on Fri. There wasn't any pressure from OP or from posters.

I think that is perfectly reasonable request.
If your mum is busy that is fair enough.
Choose another night when she is free.

Also maybe follow up with we would really like to get to meet him and suggest a drink or something. Not sure what you do with the kids, or you go round and meet him on your own.

While I agree with the sentiment of not wanting a stranger around your kids, I think your mum has a right to feel really hurt by that message.

You trust her to care for your children and do school runs but you don't trust that she would be wise enough not to leave Bob alone with the kids.

That message is telling her she has to choose between her relationship and her grandchildren.

If you're not comfortable with Bob being there, you should have told her you didn't need a babysitter any longer. She already told you that Bob would be there; why do you have the right to change her plans?

Yeah I think we all agree it's reasonable to not want the dc staying over when he's there after 6 weeks. But it's also reasonable for her DM to say her bf is going to be there - it is then up to OP to decide and if she's (understandably) uncomfortable then she needs to find an alternative babysitter.

It's not fair to expect her mums life to revolve around providing childcare for her. Sounds like she already does a lot with drop offs/pick ups etc

Hmmmm, in future could you ask your mum to babysit at your house, rather than presuming her home will be guest free. It's a tricky one. We can't presume your mum will be devoted to childcare on your terms, if her terms don't suit you, find alternative childcare.

YANBU and I think your message was fine. Your DM will probably understand - now you've pointed it out - that it's too soon to have your DCs and her bf staying overnight at the same time.

I totally understand you not wanting him to be there when he is a stranger to you and your dc. However, if your mum was already planning to see him and you've asked for a favour I think the alternative is for her to say it doesn't suit as she's seeing Bob.

If she's been divorced and mostly single for 7years it's her turn to do something for herself and put herself first. Good on her

Sounds like she does a lot of childcare for you, and while you're right to not want Bob around your children, you may well lose your go to babysitter by sending texts like that.

I think you are right to say you'd prefer him to not be there when she is babysitting. As you have not met him. But it definitely could have been handled better. Might be worth saying to her, you can wait for another time thats better for her to babysit if it's an issue.

If she's upset, it might be worth asking I'd you can meet him soon. Once you've gotten to know him for himself, you might feel OK or you might not. Only time will tell.

I agree with you; i wouldn’t have a person I don’t know staying over with my children

Sorry sorry I meant to write YANBU!

YABVU but that wasn't a very nice message to send your mum, it could have been worded better. I'd give her a call if I were you.

Sorry Op another one who thinks it should have been a phone call. Think you need to maybe pop for a cuppa and chat it through.

I agree with your feelings 💯 but your delivery isn't great.
A convo with your mum saying you're not happy with the boys being around anyone you haven't met yet, & be fully accepting if she's made plans. I think you should apologise for your wording/tone

YANBU but I think you worded it badly.

It might have been better to write something like: ‘Thanks for offering to babysit but we’re not comfortable having someone we don’t know around the children when we’re not there. Don’t worry if you have already made plans to see your bf that night, we can always cancel and pop over to see you with the kids on .’

Then she could choose whether to offer not to have him there if she wanted without it being awkward.

If you're not comfortable, you're not comfortable.

Saying that, I think it possibly would have been better addressed by speaking about it, rather than text