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Original poster

Tips for dealing with miserable dh

37 replies

jellybelly44 · 15/02/2023 22:02

Dh and I get on well on a day to day basis. He works hard, helps around the house, could be more hands on with dc but does his bit. But my god is he a boring old fart at times. Literally never has any ideas or inspiration for days out or holidays or anything that requires leaving the house. There's always a reason why we can't do it (clashes with baby's nap time, can't really afford it) it's all just excuses because he's lazy and doesn't seem to see the point in family days out.

We rarely get child free time but he's not exactly forthcoming about planning dates either although marginally more interested in eating out and having a drink that than family days out. Still falls on me to arrange everything though.

I'm getting to the point where I'll just do things alone or with friends if they're available but it makes me feel sad and resentful.

I suggested doing something this weekend and got the usual lack of enthusiasm which I called out and now he's sulking. LTB not an option but I'd love to know how other people cope with miserable bastard dh's.

OP posts:
CheeseDreamsTonight · 15/02/2023 22:24

It's definitely annoying when they cease doing something they once did. My dh has slowly stopped being able to come up with dinner ideas or cook regularly, even though he was a chef. Maddening.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/02/2023 22:21

My husband is a bit like this. But it balances me out as I try and squeeze an unrealistic amount of things into one weekend and we all end up exhausted.

It doesnt annoy me though as he is good with everything else and there are things I'm shit at (planning is fine but I am late for everything and lose everything for example). And also when I speak about it, he does acknowledge his first reaction is to say no...he likes staying at home though and I prefer to be out so we just compromise

Original poster
jellybelly44 · 15/02/2023 22:16

He was much more proactive when we first started dating. Had no trouble planning weekends away or booking restaurants then. Which I guess makes it even more annoying. Obviously days out with dc are different and yes not always enjoyable lol. But as a family unit I'd expect him to be a bit more involved. The alternative is he sits at home on his console which I find pretty frustrating and quite pathetic to be honest.

He's definitely got worse since covid. It's like he's gotten used to being at home all the time and now even the most simple of things is a stretch.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 15/02/2023 22:13

On plus side dh is pretty awesome at running around doing kids activities now they are all older

Hankunamatata · 15/02/2023 22:12

If he is happy to come amd be in good spirits then that's half the battle. Yep it's draining being the planner. I usually plan for a month and write them on the calendar.

NuffSaidSam · 15/02/2023 22:11

jellybelly44 · 15/02/2023 22:09

He will come and be in good spirits but he never suggests or initiates things. He's just hard work and I find it draining.

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If leaving isn't an option than you can either tell him and hope he changes or find a way to make it work for you.

I'd probably just accept that you're the planner. Find something he is good at and hand that off to him.

Has he always been like this?

Eastereggsboxedupready · 15/02/2023 22:11

If appropriate tell him he is turning into his df and it isn't attractive
..

threeblowdries · 15/02/2023 22:11

Could have wrote that myself.
DH is great & works hard but if I mention a family trip he'll start reeling off stuff that needs to be paid for .... Car service etc. That is never mentioned until I suggest doing something.
Comes begrudgingly on days out but once it's done it's done....the zoo ....been once why do we need to go again.
No advice but drives me crazy as well so sympathies.

MagicCat83 · 15/02/2023 22:10

Buy some filthy underwear and a can of squirty cream and have at it

BigButtons · 15/02/2023 22:09

I would just start going out on my own. I am in a similar situation and although not married or living together, I am now doing stuff at the weekends and if he doesn’t join in then he doesn’t join in!

Original poster
jellybelly44 · 15/02/2023 22:09

NuffSaidSam · 15/02/2023 22:06

Have you told him you feel sad and resentful?

Does he come along in good spirits oyf you organise a family day out? If so, I'd just accept that as something you do and assign him something else to do so the workload/mental load remains fair, but you're not constantly frustrated. Play to your individual strengths.

He will come and be in good spirits but he never suggests or initiates things. He's just hard work and I find it draining.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 15/02/2023 22:06

Have you told him you feel sad and resentful?

Does he come along in good spirits oyf you organise a family day out? If so, I'd just accept that as something you do and assign him something else to do so the workload/mental load remains fair, but you're not constantly frustrated. Play to your individual strengths.

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