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Original poster

Am I overreacting?

38 replies

Butterfly008 · 02/02/2023 21:50

Hi

I'm not sure if I'm being too sensitive and overreacting.

I've been with my partner for about a year and a half. Things are good- we have the odd fights etc verbal but normal and things are going well.

Hes started a uni course in Septemer (he's 35 and I'm 34) and he's made friends with a female girl around 20 something in the course. The girl is engaged and getting married. They text every few days about stuff they're doing and uni things- she helps him out with writing essays etc.

The other say she messaged him talking about going to the gym and not wanting to at 6am and said she's chubby.

She then sent him two photos. One of her looking really slim in a bikini and another of her now (she's like a size 10/12) with a very low cut top. Both photos my partner made a comment and said something along the lines that 'he'd have abit of that' to the first one and a similar comment that he'd still have abit of that to her current photo. She responded with smile heart emoji and called him a cutie and she said shes not good looking and he said something like beauty is the eyes of the beholder etc. He then said something like are you my uni wife now aswell as my bestie. A day or so later he messaged her saying 'hi wife.'

I feel a tad upset over this. He says it's just harmless banter but I would never talk to another guy like thay albeit a friend.

He thinks I'm overreacting he loves me and it is literally just banter.

Please any thoughts? Perspective?

OP posts:
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Bodybop · 21/07/2023 14:28

Did you get rid OP?

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 03/02/2023 10:07

I'd hit the fucking roof if my DP was behaving like this, and he'd be straight out the door with my foot up his arse.

What a piece of work he is. Come on OP, get your bar out of the ground and find a man who doesn't need his ego massaged by much younger women.

FWIW, my ExH did something similar. He was 44 and messaging a 17yo 😳😳 So he was straight out the door with my foot up his arse. I was absolutely disgusted with him, if I was that 17yo's mother I'd have taken his balls off with a rusty pitchfork.

Eventingmum · 03/02/2023 09:31

He's a dick. Ask him how he would feel if you were doing that to a younger guy

follyfoot37 · 03/02/2023 09:28

Banter - the word that always means exactly the opposite of that which it is meant to:
racism - "just a bit of bants/banter between we white people"
misogyny - "just a bit of bants with the boys innit"
flirting/covering affair - "just a bit of banter sweetheart, you know I would never cheat on you...")

Original poster
Butterfly008 · 03/02/2023 08:15

Thank you so much everyone- feel totally heartbroken right now and you're right I would never do that with another person- banter or no banter :(

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 02/02/2023 23:01

This relationship should be over.

Nothing here is ok.

Cornelious2011 · 02/02/2023 22:52

When I lived in Essex I met people who spoke like this-, work wife, bestie wife, netball wife. It was often women saying this too. Really cringe.

StolenCookie · 02/02/2023 22:26

OP, this is madness. Being sent a bikini photo - insanely inappropriate. Not only that but then responding “I’ll have a bit of that”!?!!!?! Are you F-ing kidding me. DO NOT let your partner gaslight you into thinking this is in any way normal.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 02/02/2023 22:17

Come on OP. He literally told her he would like to sleep with her.

OoooohMatron · 02/02/2023 22:15

Don't be a mug OP

FabFitFifties · 02/02/2023 22:15

Completely unacceptable behaviour. She sounds very immature, fishing for compliments, and he's easily hooked. Throw him back.

Krakenes · 02/02/2023 22:12

Would you do that? If you did would you expect your partner to be fine with it? If both answers are no, then you’re not suited and I’d break up. He thinks that’s ok and you don’t want that. You’re not compatible.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 02/02/2023 22:12

You’re under reacting if anything.

how dare he minimise his shitty, boundary testing behaviour. It isnt in any way appropriate.

Goldandpurplezebra · 02/02/2023 22:12

Banter?! That's not banter. Banter is telling your lad friends that their mum is fat.

What sort of fights do you have?

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/02/2023 22:12

Severely under reacting.

JudgeRudy · 02/02/2023 22:08

I'm pretty liberal with a high jealousy threshold. I wouldn't like this at all.

Statistically mature HE and access course student are at high risk for relationship breakdown. If someone's going to uni in their 30s they've made a concerted effort to change their lives. He's now clicked with someone else who's feeling the same. Maybe thst change includes you.
If you see your relationship heading this way, stay in control. If it needs to end you do it.

Fladdermus · 02/02/2023 22:07

You're underreacting if anything. I'd go absolutely flipping nuts if my DH were messaging another woman like that.

GlassBunion · 02/02/2023 22:06

He's already a goner, just lock the door behind him.

FenghuangHoyan · 02/02/2023 22:04

He crossed the line at the "I'd have a bit of that" comment. Everything after that was just further evidence. He's the older person in their "relationship" so he should be the more mature and stopping it getting out of hand, but he's doing just the opposite.

BridieConvert · 02/02/2023 22:04

Nope. Get him in the bin.

MissMogwai · 02/02/2023 22:03

He's taking the piss - banter indeed!

How would he react if the shoe was on the other foot?!

Get rid. It will only get worse.

LightSpeeds · 02/02/2023 22:02

I'm sure her fiancé wouldn't be too happy with those messages either.

He sounds like an insensitive, disrespectful arse. Tell him to go have a piece of his new uni wife (i.e. fuck right off).

pictoosh · 02/02/2023 22:02

Pffft no. It's blatant. He's a gaslighting wanker btw.

WaltzingWaters · 02/02/2023 22:02

Definitely not overreacting

TheShellBeach · 02/02/2023 22:01

He sounds awful.
Kick him to the kerb.