Aggressive school mum

I had this OP, I was contacted over every perceived slight between our children, it was draining and I dreaded looking on FB for yet another message about our children falling out, things came to a head when she sent me a drunken email detailing everything she thought was wrong with DD and myself, that's when I lost it and confronted her in the playground (not in a fishwife shouty way just to let you know!) to ask what the hell she's playing at contacting me every 5 minutes and to let the children sort their own battles out unless it's serious of course, she soon stopped and then the family moved away shortly after thank god.

I had this once-we where neighbours and I’d gone to school with her-she was a known bully then
one day she walked up to me tried to slap me and started screaming at me that I’d been having loud sex in the afternoon and I was ‘to keep it down,or she’d batter me’
at the time I was 8 months pregnant,the afternoon she was yelling about-I’d been out and to top it all off,I was single!
she’d seen my dad pop round earlier that day(she didnt know it was my dad-he normally wore his bike leathers) and her evil little brain had come up with ‘man+builtforcomfort=loud sex’
she tried to pull in the flying monkeys but looked a bit of a Wally when the fact it was my dad and not a random bloke was pointed out to her
didnt stop her from mounting a hate campaign against me for the rest of the time my lot where at that school

I swear she was unhinged and was so used to bullying people into having her own way,that when it didn’t happen,she turned nasty until she did

school where useless-they didn’t care one bit at me getting attacked

im so glad my primary school days are behind me

We had one of these! Awful person, she didn't realise I'd already been subjected to her nonsense with my youngest 15 years prior. I stood up to her, told all new mums her form.

She's left now thank god, as the head explained they'd had enough of her shenanigans.
The kids were actually quite nice, if not embarrassed by their mum, she had mental health issues and ss got involved.

If you want to make her incredibly more angry.

I'd imagine most parents/carers at the school know exactly what she's like, and who knows now he's fallen out with your DC they're probably praying that her DC doesn't start befriending theirs.

Hope school pick up went ok.

I think something like ‘this isn’t the behaviour I want to encourage in my child’ every time she starts something about covers it. But I would definitely inform the school, there’s no way by KS2 they won’t know what she’s like, she’ll be a notorious repeat offender if she thinks this behaviour is acceptable. And it is relevant to them as it relates to what’s happening on school property.

How is she involving other parents?

Hopefully you stood tall

How did pick up go?

Sounds like the boy has a cracking role model there!

I do usually stand with my friends while I wait, but I think they'd just stand there in shock if she came up to me and had a go at me. If be so embarrassed. I'm not sure they'd actively defend me because most people don't want to get involved and escalate things. I like the idea of being on the phone but I don't want to have to ignore my friends every drop off and pick up for the sake of imaginary phone conversations.
All the phone idea gets you is more hiding from the blow out she wants, & the opportunity you have to change your own behaviour in order to change hers.
What you describe above & imagine as an impossible situation is in fact a golden opportunity for you to practice the suggested point 2) above -
Give her full eye contact, stand tall & still, fold your arms across your chest & just watch her like she's a David Attenborough exhibit. Say nothing, respond to nothing, & let her rant.
She'll either run out of steam or other people will start staring & she'll realise she's the only one making a twat of herself.

I told her last night that I had nothing more to add to the conversation and felt we were just repeating ourselves. I then stopped engaging, but it didn't stop her texting and then texting other friends.
You did the right thing.
You can choose to either keep receiving her texts & totally ignoring them, or blocking them altogether.
How do you know she's texted friends - because it's a group chat, or because friends have told you about it? Either way - she's showing herself up, not you, so why does it concern you? Friends on a group chat will be rolling their eyes but ignoring it, friends who receive direct texts & tell you about it know that SHE's the one flogging the dead horse, while YOU'RE the one being adult & not mithering them with petty nonsense.
You should feel good about that, not worried.
If you're worried about the opinion of anyone who is not your friend - stop. You do not need their opinion, good or otherwise.

Both kids say the other one started it, and to be honest, I'm reluctant to apologise just to pacify her. This isn't going to be the last time they argue, and I don't want to have to apologise her every time our kids fall out.
Good instinct!
outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do-1/2015/12/3/jade-dont-justify-argue-defend-explain

Ugh I really hate parents like this.

Let your children see how you would like them to behave

Yes, so ignore this woman’s bonkers behaviour and inform the school so they have a heads up in case anything else happens.

I would ask the teacher to keep hold of your dc at the door so you can go over and collect him with the teacher stood there.

It seems the Apple didn’t fall far from the tree with this woman, can’t believe some people on here are suggesting you kiss her arse or meet up with her - she sounds like a psycho!

Ahhh, I’m so fucking HAPPY I don’t have to do the school run anymore 😂

Contact the school with screenshots. I had this from a bolshy mum and school took it very seriously. Especially as her child had massively exaggerated something that was essentially an accident. She should be feeling embarrassed not you. Suggest that school put something in newsletter about contacting school if there is a problem.

I work in a school and we would not mind helping if a parent felt intimidated by another parent. We‘d certainly prefer that to parents arguing in the playground in front of the children.

Is this an amorphous terror, or do you have specific concerns about what she might do with her anger?

She's probably already done her worst, frothing herself up to try to pull in Flying Monkeys (texting anybody who will read, buttonholing anyone who will listen) - your best bet is to think "so what? If I can she she's batshit, so can anyone else." & let her crack on with it.

Unless you are scared of a physical altercation, don't hide behind your phone. Just act as you would normally. If she comes as you still frothing, helpful techniques can be:

1. Hold up your hand as is stopping traffic. Politely say"Can I just stop you there?" ... then impolitely turn on your heel & walk away.
2. Give her full eye contact, stand tall & still, fold your arms across your chest & just watch her like she's a David Attenborough exhibit. Say nothing, respond to nothing, & let her rant. She'll either run out of steam or other people will start staring & she'll realise she's the only one making a twat of herself.
3. Say "Take it up with the school, because you are being ridiculous & probably need a teacher to tell you so." Say nothing else (Broken Record technique) - just this phrase on repeat. It's a useful one if you feel prone to voice-wobbles when confronted.

Outside of that - why are you still accepting her aggressive messages on your personal device?
You have no more business tolerating that than you would tolerate physical abuse.
Stop trying to 'defend' yourself - you, & your young child, have nothing to defend.

Are you sure you want him playing with the child of such an aggressive parent - do they play out of school, & that's why you have each other's numbers? I'd put a stop to any of that, I would not want my child potentially subjected to her anger.

Do you think you are 'people-pleasing' ie scared of her anger once she sees you blocked her? Aggressive people don't stop until challenged. Challenge does not equal confrontation. Confrontation can make an aggressor either back down, escalate, or seek a new target. I can't tell you which she will choose, but I CAN tell you that your "path of least resistance" is counter-productive & will get you nothing but more of the same. So choose an option & just do it. The first time is difficult, but up until now, all this woman has taken from your response is that you will KEEP TAKING her aggression - so she has you down as a handy receptacle for her bullshit, who she can use as a verbal/text punchbag without fear of pushback.

So decide: do you want to live in fear of her - essentially - doing nothing more than making a prat of herself for all to see, or do you want to woman up & calmly say "that's enough now."?

This other mum is going about it completely the wrong way and shouldn't be harrasing you, but to be honest I think you're coming across as a bit flippant about the physical fighting and bruises. I have a son in primary school and I've never dealt with that.

Text: "I would like to sort this out through the school instead of sending angry messages. You can talk to the teacher if you need to."
Then leave it.

Please tell the school what is happening. Start with the class teacher. This isn't reasonable or rational behaviour on her part.

Inform the school about agressive texts from the mum? Don’t be ridiculous.

Speak to her directly and tell her that you’ve heard what she has to say and as far as you’re concerned the matter is now closed.

I can’t believe that you’re letting her silly behaviour affect you. Once you stand up to her, she will leave you alone.

Always stand firm against agressive people. They will soon decide to pick on someone else. That’s what those agressive types always do. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Pandering to aggressive people never gets the result that you, as a reasonable person, would expect or hope. They just assume you are kowtowing, so feel even more entitled to keep kicking off, due their skewed perception of a pecking order.

The best way to deal with it is to sidestep it. If you refuse to recognise their daft pecking order, all that's left for them is to peck at their own feathers. (Or choose a new victim, sadly, but you are not responsible for that by virtue of creating a vacancy.)

I would suggest to her that she is setting her child a bad example by being so aggressive, unkind and badgering, and he is never going to learn how inappropriate fighting others is when she is incapable of understanding when to leave things alone herself…

If she approaches you pull a concerned face, tilt your head and say "You seem ever so stressed and angry over the boys falling out, is everything else alright with you?"

I agree you should block her. Why let her continue sending abusive and rude texts. Block and if she comes up in the playground tell her to take up the issue with he school and walk away.

I do think you should let school know. Better they be prepared and aware so they can suppprt if needed than for them to have to deal with it out of the blue.

This!!

Physical fighting at KS2 can get serious.

I would ask to have a word with teacher.

She’s a bully, I’d send her one last message then block her, something like “As all the incidents are happening at school, I’ve made the school aware of your concerns and am leaving them to deal with it. Please don’t contact me again about this as it’s starting to feel like harassment”. Then if she approaches you, repeat and walk away.