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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aggressive school mum

163 replies

OhWhatNowYouFish · 31/01/2023 14:17

Our two sons, both KS2 are usually friends but sometimes fall out. Yesterday they fell out and pushed each other and ended up with a graze each. I spoke to my son (again) saying that since he only falls out with this boy, it might be better to just play with his other friends instead, and move on from this friendship. The other mum is very angry, doesn't acknowledge her son's responsibility in any of this, and every time it happens sends me angry texts. She started texting me last night about it and most of today, including trying to get mutual friends involved.

When she text, I said that I think they're equally to blame, but she went on and on and in the end I said that we're just repeatng ourselves and I have nothing further to add. She, however, continued to send angry texts last night and on and off today, which I haven't acknowledged. I'm due to pick my son up soon and am dreading her marching across the playground causing an argument. She's naturally quite loud and aggressive whereas I find any confrontation absolutely mortifying. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
KarmaStar · 31/01/2023 22:34

Block her,ignore her,if she comes over,turn your back and say nothing.
She's just a bully.
Don't let her intimidate you.

Nanny0gg · 31/01/2023 22:17

OverCCCs · 31/01/2023 20:46

Hmm. To try to see the other mother’s POV, was this a case where your son pushed hers, and so then he pushed yours back and/or tried to get your DS off of him? Or is your DS claiming they both literally pushed one another at the same time?

The other mum could always ask the teacher who saw it all and dealt with it at the time.

Original poster
OhWhatNowYouFish · 31/01/2023 21:51

OverCCCs · 31/01/2023 20:46

Hmm. To try to see the other mother’s POV, was this a case where your son pushed hers, and so then he pushed yours back and/or tried to get your DS off of him? Or is your DS claiming they both literally pushed one another at the same time?

Well the issue is that they are saying similar things but placing the blame on the other child. They had a short argument about something inconsequential. My son says that the other boy overreacted and pushed him. Then DS pushed the other boy in retaliation. The other boy says the opposite. I've just spoken to DS because I was a bit hazy on the details but apparently the nearby teacher got involved yesterday because the other boy went and told her. I asked DS why he didn't tell the teacher and he said that he used to do that but got told to 'stop telling tales'.

I think I'm going to email the teacher, not because I want anything done but because it has escalated disproportionately and I just want the teacher to know the other side of the story. I feel really silly telling the teacher about all this, she must have much better things to do with her time.

OP posts:
Skodacool · 31/01/2023 21:29

Ihatepcos · 31/01/2023 18:46

She sounds like a bully. Hope all went well OP.

And her son is learning from her.

Chocolate23 · 31/01/2023 20:51

I can't believe people would ring the Police over this. Block her number. Just ignore her. If she says anything a simple fuck off will suffice and carry on your day.

OverCCCs · 31/01/2023 20:46

Hmm. To try to see the other mother’s POV, was this a case where your son pushed hers, and so then he pushed yours back and/or tried to get your DS off of him? Or is your DS claiming they both literally pushed one another at the same time?

Energydrink · 31/01/2023 20:44

Stop texting her and call her. If she has anything to say she can get it off her chest over the phone and you can respond appropriately.

Then tell her you would rather not discuss it at the school and make the other kids and parents uncomfortable… she has your number

it is so easy for things to be misconstrued via text or WhatsApp.

Theunamedcat · 31/01/2023 20:20

Escalate this because its been dealt with appropriately at the time the class teacher had no need to get involved in a resolved issue she did not witness it wasn't involved in the initial part she needs to wind her neck in

Nanny0gg · 31/01/2023 20:12

OhWhatNowYouFish · 31/01/2023 19:57

Thank you for all the lovely messages. Sorry it’s taken so long to reply, the evenings are pretty full with dinner and homework etc. I’ll try and respond to a few comments:

Could you ask a friend to walk to / from school with you, for moral support?
I usually bump into other mums on the way to school, so yes I did arrive with a few friends. I did tell one of them about it so she would be pre-warned in case anything happened.

A simple, "neither of them should be pushing/hitting, I've told ds this and I've asked the school to keep an eye on them, feel free to do that same", should be enough.
She doesn't acknowledge that her boy did anything. She claims that he was the innocent victim.

What exactly does she want? What is she saying in her message?
She is angry and wants me to apologise for my child’s behaviour, and she wants me to acknowledge that her son is the victim and my child is aggressive. But it’s simply not the case. I get this every time they fall out, although this is the first time that she has relentlessly text me about it. I usually tell her that both children are to blame, she rants a bit and then goes away. This time she has ranted on loop to the point where I told her I wasn’t going to reply any more and have just ignored the messages. She hasn’t stopped and keeps trying to provoke a response.

Sorry to hear that so many of you have experienced similar - or worse!

Physical fighting at KS2 can get serious.
It can, but in this case it really wasn’t. Neither boy is particularly boisterous. They both pushed each other in the playground, but a teacher was right next to them, saw it and told them both off.

Is this an amorphous terror, or do you have specific concerns about what she might do with her anger?
I think I’m being irrationally worried because I hate confrontation. Although if she ever did have a go at me at school, my overriding feeling would be embarrassment.

Are you sure you want him playing with the child of such an aggressive parent - do they play out of school, & that's why you have each other's numbers? I'd put a stop to any of that, I would not want my child potentially subjected to her anger.
We have each other’s numbers because we are both on the class chat. I certainly don’t want them playing together outside of school (or in school if I could help it).

Give her full eye contact, stand tall & still, fold your arms across your chest & just watch her like she's a David Attenborough exhibit.
I love this.

If you're worried about the opinion of anyone who is not your friend - stop. You do not need their opinion, good or otherwise.
That’s good advice.

@KettrickenSmiled Thank you for the link, that’s really helpful.

So this afternoon she didn’t confront me on the playground. I arrived with friends and even when she walked past me, nothing happened. However, it seems that she complained to the school today with what seems like a skewed version of events. From my understanding, a teacher on the playground witnessed it and told them both off, and to me, the matter was over. I found out after picking up DS that his class teacher pulled him aside this afternoon and told him off for what had happened, the teacher took the mum’s word as fact and wouldn’t even entertain my son’s side of the story. My DS is really upset because he said that they both pushed each other. Her DS 'confirmed' that he was an innocent victim.

Got to be escalated to the HT now then. The class teacher handled that very badly.

Original poster
OhWhatNowYouFish · 31/01/2023 19:57

Thank you for all the lovely messages. Sorry it’s taken so long to reply, the evenings are pretty full with dinner and homework etc. I’ll try and respond to a few comments:

Could you ask a friend to walk to / from school with you, for moral support?
I usually bump into other mums on the way to school, so yes I did arrive with a few friends. I did tell one of them about it so she would be pre-warned in case anything happened.

A simple, "neither of them should be pushing/hitting, I've told ds this and I've asked the school to keep an eye on them, feel free to do that same", should be enough.
She doesn't acknowledge that her boy did anything. She claims that he was the innocent victim.

What exactly does she want? What is she saying in her message?
She is angry and wants me to apologise for my child’s behaviour, and she wants me to acknowledge that her son is the victim and my child is aggressive. But it’s simply not the case. I get this every time they fall out, although this is the first time that she has relentlessly text me about it. I usually tell her that both children are to blame, she rants a bit and then goes away. This time she has ranted on loop to the point where I told her I wasn’t going to reply any more and have just ignored the messages. She hasn’t stopped and keeps trying to provoke a response.

Sorry to hear that so many of you have experienced similar - or worse!

Physical fighting at KS2 can get serious.
It can, but in this case it really wasn’t. Neither boy is particularly boisterous. They both pushed each other in the playground, but a teacher was right next to them, saw it and told them both off.

Is this an amorphous terror, or do you have specific concerns about what she might do with her anger?
I think I’m being irrationally worried because I hate confrontation. Although if she ever did have a go at me at school, my overriding feeling would be embarrassment.

Are you sure you want him playing with the child of such an aggressive parent - do they play out of school, & that's why you have each other's numbers? I'd put a stop to any of that, I would not want my child potentially subjected to her anger.
We have each other’s numbers because we are both on the class chat. I certainly don’t want them playing together outside of school (or in school if I could help it).

Give her full eye contact, stand tall & still, fold your arms across your chest & just watch her like she's a David Attenborough exhibit.
I love this.

If you're worried about the opinion of anyone who is not your friend - stop. You do not need their opinion, good or otherwise.
That’s good advice.

@KettrickenSmiled Thank you for the link, that’s really helpful.

So this afternoon she didn’t confront me on the playground. I arrived with friends and even when she walked past me, nothing happened. However, it seems that she complained to the school today with what seems like a skewed version of events. From my understanding, a teacher on the playground witnessed it and told them both off, and to me, the matter was over. I found out after picking up DS that his class teacher pulled him aside this afternoon and told him off for what had happened, the teacher took the mum’s word as fact and wouldn’t even entertain my son’s side of the story. My DS is really upset because he said that they both pushed each other. Her DS 'confirmed' that he was an innocent victim.

OP posts:
MysteryBelle · 31/01/2023 19:47

Ah, forgot, need to add that her recruiting of others to pit against you which is bullying has also been reported.

MysteryBelle · 31/01/2023 19:45

Call non emergency police number and ask to make a report of harassment and that you’re afraid of what she might do.

If she comes up to you, say calmly (no texts, do not respond ever again by text, email etc because the police want to be able to see that you did not respond to her harassment, that is important) “Your harassment of me and my son has been reported to the police. Stop harassing my family.” Exactly those words.

That will nip it in the budlet. Takes 15 minutes on the phone beforehand.

CherryAndCreamCake · 31/01/2023 19:29

Ah, yes, this old familiar story. I learnt after DC1 not to interact beyond the necessary with parents at pickup and not to get into the whole parents group chats thing and thank God. The drama between the mums when DC1 was at first school was ridiculous, you'd think we were back at high school. With DC2 I stand to myself in the playground, nod and smile but that's about it.

There was constant bickering on the group chat, bitchiness, threatening Facebook updates. I'm glad I no longer have Facebook. So you're not alone.

I hope pickup went ok. Try to defuse the situation as much as possible without being a push over. I would get out of group chats etc, also recommend deleting Facebook just because everyone I know who has feels better mentally. You shouldn't have to tolerate aggressive texts from this woman. If the two boys are still having issues suggest a school intervention, peace making much better than an ongoing war and finding common ground should help: you both want your kids to be happy, so best to resolve it peacefully. Sorry its stressful, it's resolvable and it won't last forever.

LadyKenya · 31/01/2023 19:03

AliceOlive · 31/01/2023 17:34

If you want to make her incredibly more angry.

Show quote history

Mmmm somehow I think you might not want to do this. As the sensible posters have said, just block her, and inform the school.

niugboo · 31/01/2023 19:01

Report it to the school. They can do something.

MrSandhu1 · 31/01/2023 18:51

I may be a bit late but I think the best thing you could do is to call the school/ a member of staff so that the other mother doesn't do anything to you or start a scene.

Starfishandreefs · 31/01/2023 18:50

I hope all was ok at pick up OP.
Many years ago when my oldest started primary school I had the same with a batshit parent.
The woman at my DD school was awful and when she realised I wasn't going to rise to her dramas she put her attentions onto another mum. School got fed up and she wasn't allowed to go into the school yard.
Ignore her OP, she is trouble and keep her at arms length.

Ihatepcos · 31/01/2023 18:46

She sounds like a bully. Hope all went well OP.

KettrickenSmiled · 31/01/2023 18:41

Geneticsbunny · 31/01/2023 18:29

You don't resolve conflicts by blocking and ignoring people. You sort them out by talking to each other. Most people are decent folk and face to face communication usually sorts this sort of thing out and then it is over and done with. So much communication is lost when you use written language I am guessing this is part of the issue here.

It's not OP's conflict if she disengages properly.

Just one angry school mum having an argument with herself.

There is no need to resolve a conflict when you can make it no longer be one by dropping the rope.

WilburTheIron · 31/01/2023 18:31

Geneticsbunny · 31/01/2023 18:29

You don't resolve conflicts by blocking and ignoring people. You sort them out by talking to each other. Most people are decent folk and face to face communication usually sorts this sort of thing out and then it is over and done with. So much communication is lost when you use written language I am guessing this is part of the issue here.

That’s fine with reasonable and vaguely intelligent people. It’s obviously not going to work with someone like this though.

Geneticsbunny · 31/01/2023 18:29

You don't resolve conflicts by blocking and ignoring people. You sort them out by talking to each other. Most people are decent folk and face to face communication usually sorts this sort of thing out and then it is over and done with. So much communication is lost when you use written language I am guessing this is part of the issue here.

MrPickles73 · 31/01/2023 18:16

OhWhatNowYouFish how did pickup go?

WisteriaLodge · 31/01/2023 18:06

JustDrama · 31/01/2023 18:01

I've also been here but with a school
Dad. He was so aggressive swearing and screaming pointing in my face in front of my younger child. Apparently my DC was bulling his. I reported to the school and it turns out it didn't happen. The school mum who isn't with the dad took his side and I've been ignored ever since. She now have a team 🤣 on her side. Nearly a year has gone past. It's awkward cause other parents are taking sides and I mostly get ignored. If only they knew the truth but I refuse to gossip about it. I have no advice other than hold your head up high and block.

Bloody hell! They sound like they've never actually left school themselves, how pathetic and immature.

JustDrama · 31/01/2023 18:01

I've also been here but with a school
Dad. He was so aggressive swearing and screaming pointing in my face in front of my younger child. Apparently my DC was bulling his. I reported to the school and it turns out it didn't happen. The school mum who isn't with the dad took his side and I've been ignored ever since. She now have a team 🤣 on her side. Nearly a year has gone past. It's awkward cause other parents are taking sides and I mostly get ignored. If only they knew the truth but I refuse to gossip about it. I have no advice other than hold your head up high and block.

Whatthebarnacles · 31/01/2023 18:00

If there's one thing I cannot stand, it's parents getting involved in, literally, playground stuff. Good grief! This other parent needs telling to back off and leave them to it OR go to the school if she's that concerned. Getting involved and all precious over tittle tattle between little ones is so pathetic, it makes me cringe. These little ones will forever be running to mummy or daddy even in their teens as it's what they'll be used to, and it's actually really quite sad.

Being late 30s I thank god I grew up in a world where mobile phones or social media didn't exist during my school life.
Parents who approach other parents about anything that happens in school between their children are embarrassing. Don't engage. You sound like a great mum. Good luck.