Aggressive school mum

I had a similar issue, my son anyways got the blame as did other kids yet her son is an angel.
never spoke to her again as couldn’t be arsed, son still plays with occasionally but I don’t get the crap that used to come with it.

FFS I can't stand drama llama parents. They pull this shit and smother their child then in a few years (if they aren't already) they'll be wondering why their kid struggles so much with emotional regulation and getting them every psychiatric diagnosis under the sun rather than admit that their parenting is in any way shaping their child. I have a friend who's doing exactly this to her preteen and it's heartbreaking to see.

The sad truth is that if both boys were just left to it they would probably have just made up and got over it. I think this is all that needs to be said to either child...

'Neither of you should be shoving and you deserve to feel safe and respected in your friendships. Nobody saw all of what went on and we don't need to be your judge, jury and executioner because you're getting older and won't always be wathching your every move. You're mature enough to think the incident through yourself. If you think you were fully/partly to blame then you need to apologise to your friend, accept that the consequence of treating them like this is that they might want to keep their distance and let them approach you if they want to. If you think the friend is to blame then you need to decide how much of that you're willing to tolerate and you have every right to walk away and keep your distance if it's causing trouble. Parents/teachers will separate you both if you're being aggressive to each other and will enforce consequences if they witness aggression but otherwise it isn't up to anyone to police your friendships'

Don't indulge in the mum drama. She'll just escalate it if you feed it. This is about your kids not you and your kids are probably just fine

Instigators don't do this?

Bullshit. There was a horrible little bully in the year above me at primary and her MO was to start something nasty, shove or hit another kid then if they retaliated (and sometimes, even if they didn't!) run to a teacher crying and saying the other kid did something.

Worked every time, she got loads of attention and would smirk at the kid she'd been bullying when teachers weren't looking.

I’m calling BS. I read this that the incident happened and the other boy went to a teacher with what had happened. (instigators don’t do this) The teacher didn’t investigate properly (as is often the case).

OP you admit these two boys have a history of falling out. How do you know your son isn’t a bully? He’s not going to admit that he caused it or that he’s not being a nice kid.

The mother has tried to sort this with you, but you’re one of those passive parents that thinks boys will be boys and her son couldn’t possibly be instigating anything…. the other parent must be irrational.

I’m going to hazard a guess that the other Mum is hacked off, because you won’t acknowledge that your son is out of order, and is messaging other parents because he is in fact out of order with other kids, but no one wants to get involved.

Keep an eye on your son, because it sounds to me like he’s a little sh*t and he’s also not being truthful to you… though I suspect the truth isn’t really what you want to hear.

I would email the school and ask that your email is put on your sons file. Start with a paragraph of background info. Then tell them about her relentless texts and inability to accept that her ds may be partly to blame. Tell them you feel intimidated by her. Ask them to monitor both boys, and request feedback in a months time.

Point out with the example she's setting it's not going to encourage friendship. She is being aggressive. You are showing ds its OK not to interact if you cannot do so nicely. Maybe she needs to learn that so she can teach her child the same.

Ughh I hate parents like that. You have shown you know it's your child's fault too but still to go on at you is childish.
I had similar with a mother when my eldest was in primary school. She would send texts like ' came home sad today because your daughter did/said this'... I came to find out my daughter had been retaliating to her child's shizz but made it clear my daughter is no angel and I would talk to her anyway to make sure she wasnt being unkind etc etc.
It came to a head once as I told her to ring me instead and I just gave it to her straight (in the nicest way)
Kids fall out and sometimes get back to being good friends again. No need for parents acting like children and making others feel uncomfortable at the school playground. Hope you're ok.

I think I’d just say you don’t know who’s starting what so you can’t comment and so it’s only fair to leave it to the school. I would then gently point out that the endless texts are not invited and it’s best to keep any communication through the school. I would then say very politely that the texts are causing you stress and that you will therefore be blocking her. Then block her, and make a coffee/ pour a glass of wine to celebrate the impending peace…

I had this exact situation with a school mum. Our boys often clashed, and while mine would get a dressing down at home, she wouldn’t accept her son had done anything wrong and sent me abusive and threatening texts painting my son as the villain. I told school, they weren’t surprised by her behaviour in the slightest and I asked them to keep the boys separate as much as possible. Outside of school my son was totally banned from seeing the other boy.

Fast forward a few years and her son has been expelled from two secondary schools, been in lots of trouble with police, and they’ve had to put bars on his bedroom window to stop him escaping at night to go thugging about town and drug dealing.

I am so glad I “disconnected” the friendship while still at primary where I had school support, and suggest you do the same OP, sooner rather than later. You do not want your boy being on this kids radar when they go to secondary school. Different world. Break it up now.

For goodness sake, getting involved in every little spat at this level is just ridiculous! Kids, esp boys, fight, fall out the make up. As a long time teacher and parent of a son, I realised very quickly that what was one day a drama was completely forgotten about the next day and so on. Ignore, block, remain calm, she has the problem of being over dramatic. No one likes confrontation but unfortunately some thrive on it. I'd she does start shouting, keep calm, say you're not comfortable having the discussion now, shall we take it inside to the head's office, talk after other parents have gone, wait until you're less angry...

This! Her behaviour is absolutely inappropriate and over the top.

Sounds like her son is much like his mother!

School needs to deal with this not the parents as you guys weren't there and will have no proper idea of what happened. Ridiculous that the mother is even discussing it with you.

Sorry sounds like this mum has mental health issues. I think you need to contact the school and speak to the head teacher this parent may have done this to other parents. You have a right to pick your child up and be safe. I would keep a copy of the messages and block the number if you can. Just try and create as much space between you and the mum. Sending sympathies these people thrive on drama just don’t argue back and walk away.

If she kicks off, you stare blankly at her until she stops talking. When she does, you say “are you done?” Then go back to whatever you were doing before. If she rants again, you wait and say “are you done?” And repeat ad infinitum until she goes away. She will look ridiculous. As for whose child is to blame - and for people suggesting you are denying your child is a bully I cannot fathom how they could possibly have enough information to draw that conclusion. I’m more concerned that the teacher took your child to one side the following day - that’s hardly a balanced or considered response and sounds like a knee jerk reaction to stroppy Mum’s intervention. They probably placate her for a quiet life. Box this up and move on.

I have no idea why parents get involved like this it solves nothing.

Fucks sake why not offer her a cream egg too?

Just off to retrieve my eyeballs as they rolled right out of my head. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I would just text this is a situation that's happening in school I have told my DS they shouldn't be pushing each other and he's been dealt with appropriately at home, I will go into school and discuss this with the staff. As it's happening there, this is the best route and I suggest you do the same too. And block

Or is your son the bully and you’re being ‘one of those’ parents that ignore the fact their son is the aggressor?

The local primary has a strict policy that any issues like this are to be dealt with by the school and not by the parents. As others had said, please do let the school know about the issue. The event happened at school and the school team will deal with it (hopefully)

A simple, "neither of them should be pushing/hitting, I've told ds this and I've asked the school to keep an eye on them, feel free to do that same", should be enough.

She doesn't acknowledge that her boy did anything. She claims that he was the innocent victim.

You don't need her to acknowledge, and you don't need to acknowledge to her either. Saying neither should be pushing is simply an acknowledgement pushing is wrong, not an admission of anything. Just agree pushing is wrong and refer her to the school and don't get involved any deeper.

I don't see why you can't just block her everywhere. I would. She is harassing you, but you do have the power to take some control.

This woman sounds like a bully and a bit of a coward to me. She's already demonstrated that she is unlikely to approach you publicly in the playground.

Block her and don't let her bully you. She'll soon give up if her messages can't get through and therefore no response is forthcoming.

I”terminate the friendship”

between the boys?

They each pushed each other over
they have fallen out multiple times

any decent school would be involved because at 10, if this continues, then they could have a proper fight and hurt themselves

It was a graze.
I'd terminate the friendship and block her.