Codependent friendship - and I'm the problem

180 replies

cadburyegg · 30/01/2023 11:14

My mental health is really dire right now and I have unintentionally offloaded a lot onto a friend of mine, who happens to be living with me atm.

For background in the last 2 years I have separated from my husband, I'm now a single parent, of 2 young kids, my dad also died. I am on a high dose of ADs. I am on the waiting list for therapy. I try to go on walks most days. I am working, I have other friends who I see regularly.

Anyway my friend has now said that she's at her limit, she's not my therapist, etc. you get the gist.
This is my fault entirely and of course the fact we live together means she gets no "let up" from me.
I want to take responsibility and fix things . I don't want to be a burden on people but I feel like that's what I am in danger of becoming. I want to be a better friend again. I just don't know how to find the strength because I am so sad all of the time. I don't know what else I can do to help myself mentally.

OP posts:

Naameechangee · 30/01/2023 11:52

She might have her own issues, and can't deal with how negative things are with your situation as well. I have been a friend to someone who was in a really bad place, it went on and on and on and she kept checking herself back out of hospital and never accepted the help offered to her. In the end I had to call it a day to protect myself, it really sent me over the edge.

ReamsOfCheese · 30/01/2023 11:33

Is she staying with you for free because she needed a place and you let her stay at yours? If so I think she's being really ungrateful and uncaring to not want to know what's going on with you while still taking your hospitality. If, on the other hand, she's your flatmate and you split the rent, bills etc, then maybe it's time for her or you to find a new place as it sounds like you need more from this arrangement than she can give.

Quitelikeit · 30/01/2023 11:31

I think you ought to apologise.

I assume she is living with you out of necessity rather than choice?

Its not healthy for you to focus on your MH 24/7 either - this means that you are not getting enough external help to deal with your issues

Effingfamilies · 30/01/2023 11:26

If she is living with you then I suggest she moves out if your troubles are bothering her to this degree.

Fraaahnces · 30/01/2023 11:23

You have listened to her. That is a great start. Remember that she is a separate person to you and has her own needs, ideas and desires outside of you and everything going on in your universe. I would think twice before calling her and unloading. That’s not fair on her. Start to put yourself in her shoes and imagine that you have been on the receiving end of the kind of phone calls she’s been getting from you for months on end. Now start investing time into being HER friend. Start by showing gratitude, compassion, interest and investing time and focus into what is going on in HER world. Ask her questions about what’s affecting her. What’s good, what’s bad, what makes her happy, how her family is, how her circle of friends are, how things at work are, etc. Write it down and remember it. Ask her how things are progressing with these things again, and she will know that you are invested in your friendship with HER and it’s not just a one way street.

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