Hen do or don’t

Wouldn't occur to me to be offended. I've been to a few hens and only to the evening.
I would base my decision on whether I wanted to go or not to the hen. And whether I could justify or afford it. If i didn't want to I wouldn't go.
We had a destination wedding that we couldn't possibly have invited everyone to. I had plenty at my hen that were not invited. My friends come in groups so can't invite one, have to invite 8 or whatever plus partners. It just isn't always possible. None of my hen friends were bothered. My hen was a cheap do though not a weekend away.

@StephanieSuperpowers the evening do is not always a waste of time! We went to an evening do a couple of months ago & had a great time dancing & drinking with our friends. There was a good evening buffet too. Due to only 60 people, including b&g, at the day do we never expected to be invited all day. Circumstances like this wouldn't put me off the hen do

I like hens where it's a load of strangers instead of the work group, the school group, the cousins, the college group. And no group integrates. My best friend has loads of one to one friendships and very few packs. Her hen was great, we all got on really well.

I agree that if you'll enjoy it, go. Like a pp until my mid 40's, I'd take every invite I could. Weddings are expensive. If you invite more people, you need a bigger venue and costs spiral. These days I'm not insulted by not being invited.

Thoughts??

That you're putting way too much thought into it. Just go if you want to. Don't if you don't.

Thoughts? I'd say you were making up the numbers to make it cheaper per person and more of a 'do' for the hen.
(Unless of coursebits an intimate wedding with 200 guests)
On the positive, the bride has a good enough option of you to think you'll be good company and get on with the others so if it's something you'd enjoy and can afford it, go for it.

As it is an expensive event and you are only invited to the evening event, I would give it a miss

How big is the wedding? It could be like immediate family and very very close friends only to the ceremony and reception, everyone into the afters which I would be OK with. If it was a case of a lot of guests to the ceremony and reception then I'd be annoyed and prob wouldn't go to the hen unless it was something I genuinely wanted to do for myself, not for the bride 😅

Is it one of those hens where you all 'chip in for the bride's meal, drinks, stay' and somehow a bit of paying for sashes, tiaras and other fouffery for the bridal party creeps in too...?

Yanbu. If you not invited to the whole wedding it's rude to be invited to the hen party. I also don't understand why you have a different list for evening do. If someone important in your life surely they want to come to the actual wedding bit. The evening is often the worse bit.

I had this with my friend. I was completely fine with it as the wedding was very close family and I think six friends so about 20 people in total and then about 50 other guests arrived for the evening.

depends how big the wedding ceremony is. If it's one of the smaller reg office jobs, so only close family to the actual ceremony then all friends, colleagues, wider family in the evening, then no def wouldn't be offended. It would be very harsh to say if you only want/can afford a small wedding you can't have a hen do!

I'd only be offended if they were having a fair number of people at the day ceremony and I didn't make the cut, because hen parties should be your closest friends - so next 'in line' for invites after family.

Other way round for me. I love a party, a piss up and a wedding buffet, and I detest wedding ceremonies. It would entirely depend on whether I’d want (and could afford) to go. I definitely wouldn’t be worrying about what the bride thought though, as it IS a little weird to be invited to the hen and not the ceremony. Just so what you feel like

I don’t think this would bother me per se, I’d just go to the weekend do if I wanted to/could afford it, and wouldn’t go if not.

Unless this is a close friend who is having a small wedding, so only a select family/friend group to the day affair, then this is rude.

If she’s having a reasonable sized shindig then I’d not bother forking out for the hen party. Just politely decline you can’t make it. No need to explain..no is a complete sentence etc etc.

There was a time once in my life that I'd have gone along to a hen do even if I'd not been invited to the wedding with some lame justification. No more. It's grabby and just vanity on the part of the bride to give the illusion of having lots of friends.

A friend did this once for hers as she was having a destination wedding abroad with about twenty guests. She had a hen night where she invited lots of her friends from all parts of her life. I guess the redeeming factor with that one was that she planned the whole night so no one had to spend any money if they wanted as it was local, she hired a bar with a drinks package she covered costs of and had it at time where people could eat before at home if they wanted to or get food at the bar if they wanted dinner out.

I reserve the same level of contempt to evening dos these days. Or, and even more excreable, people who invite you to their wedding ceremony but not the wedding breakfast, but expect you to then come to their evening do have had to killed hours of time and found somewhere local to eat

A close friend got married and our group were only invited to the evening as the day was for family only. We all still went to the hen although it was one evening and cheap (but v fun).

but the OP has been invited to the wedding albeit the evening do

I think its rude to invite someone to spend loads on the hen, but only invite to the evening, which as most know, is for those who are not considered close

i wouldn’t go to either and would be reevaluating the ‘friendship’

Think it’s but cheeky really- you’re close enough to contribute to the hen and pay to attend but won’t be invited to the actual wedding or catered for there. It’d be a no from me tbh

Doesn’t matter whether you’re invited to the wedding. Life’s too short! Go to the hen do if you fancy it, don’t if you don’t.

I’ve had a great time at a few large hen dos when I wasn’t invited to the wedding (although some guilt invited me afterwards!). Equally I’ve passed on some hen dos that I haven’t fancied but later attended the wedding as a day & evening guest.

It does seem like the worst of both worlds. The expense and tedium of an overnight hen followed by the waste of time that the wedding evening invitation always is.

I find it odd you get an invitation to the hen do and not to the wedding.

id decline.

Depends on the situation - we only had 30 people to our ceremony and then 180 to the evening do - I had about 18 friends come on my hen do and only 3 of them were invited to the ceremony.