Stupidest thing you have done while drunk?

I'd rather read a hilarious drunk story than read that someone was so stupid as to drive 60 miles on the motorway.

@OneTC was it on your upper thigh? Maybe you went for a wee on the kurb next to a car and lent your leg against the wheel?

Tried to take a nap in a golf course 😆

Just watched the episode of Ghosts where Mike falls asleep in the club toilets. My teen said 'who does that', in that disgusted teen way. I said . . .

me.

Was with a friend, we were in the same hospital accommodation.

After drinking we wanted chips, it was Xmas so no places open but the staff canteen.

We got chips to go and then went to visit the nurses working on CCU to share the chips.

Eaten durian fruit.

Gone with friends to buy more alcohol, friend insisted on wearing a huge purple sombrero and walking in the middle of the quite busy road. We just laughed at her and thought it was funny.

Even worse. Coming out of an abusive relationship, recovering from a mental breakdown which I medicated with alcohol and spent the next 4 months trying to erase the hatred I had for myself by having lots of drunken (protected) sex with blokes I met off dating sites. It was fun until I was raped and that put an end to that. Soon sobered me up and made me reconsider my life choices.

That stopped me drinking. Didn't touch a drop for years after that.

Couldn't agree more.

Misplaced my friend in Majorca.

Context. Been out going round all the clubs getting our free shots to encourage us in and we decided to go back to a party being held in a hotel 'somewhere'. Fuck knows where. Anyway, we were walking for ages with a group of lads/girls. After we had been this party, my friend was getting 'friendly' with one of the lads and I was getting bored, so i called to her I was going was she coming to which she replied no and I got a cab (still extremely drunk) from the front desk of where we were and got myself back to our apartment taking zero notice of where I was (again because I had way too many drinks).

For the next day and a half I was going round Magaluf looking for my friend. There were no mobiles back then! I spent a lot of time hanging out with some boys we'd made friends with. Eventually the cab driver who brought me back to my apartment was waiting at the taxi rank, I recognised him because he looked exactly like my uncle and I got him to take me to where he picked me up from.

Quite amazingly I was able to find the apartment (after knocking on many wrong doors) and there she was still in bed with the fella I had left her with. She refused to come back with me, in fact, I didn't see her for another 12 hours. This was in the early early 90s and we were young and not very sensible/sober.

Think someone had changed the lock while I was out as my key didn't work.

Get back to the station near home, then inexplicably sit down on a bench on the platform and fall asleep. Was woken at midnight by a member of staff, started crying because all the trains have stopped. They asked me where I wanted to go, then of course told me that's exactly where I was when I replied! I walked home.

Could you tell the next day you were sexually assaulted? Or did he tell you what happened? I just need to know if the body can tell, I'm really in my head rn

Actually pictured you wagging your finger whilst giving this lecture.

Did anything happen to you? And if something did, could you tell the next day? I recently got drunk at a bar and left by myself and proceeded to walk home. A man who was next to me playing machines who I talked to briefly left a little after i did and said he'll walk with me & that he lived down the street & asked if I was alright. I assured I was fine & that it was okay. But after a while I just stopped caring. I was stumbling pretty badly. He actually caught me from falling. I remember telling him I had a gun in my bag and asked him if he wanted to see it, to which he said no lol. But after a while the walk became fuzzy. I faintly remember saying bye and thank you & walking the next few blocks alone. But I couldn't remember getting in the door and what I did once I got home. I woke up in my own bed at like 4am with my leggings and shirt on, I didn't feel drunk still so I must have been asleep a while(it was 8 something when I started walking home). Had all my stuff, even my key which I used to get into the door. I checked all my clothes even underwear and nothing out of the ordinary, I also checked my body for marks. But I have such bad ocd and anxiety thinking what if something happened? What if he wasn't just a good guy making sure I got home? But then I would've definitely known if something happened and I know I would've put up a fight because I get aggressive when I'm blacked out. I'm just overthinking and it's killing me.

Too many to count. I have form for falling asleep on public transport though. I woke up on a train once miles north of my stop (middle of night) and then fell off it as I tried to get off (as it was still moving), taking the skin off both hands.
I also once drove a short distance (but long enough) whilst very pissed. I got away with it but shudder to think what might have happened. I don’t drink anymore.

Slow day at the mail

I wouldn't know where to start to be honest.

I had some inbuilt homing device so if I ever felt I was too drunk to be out I would beeline back home without thinking to tell anyone. At uni I was trying to go to the loo in a club, knickers were an impediment so I threw them, automatically went home, my friends were really concerned as I'd vanished and I was sound asleep in bed and apparently I was like a ragdoll and didn't wake up with shaking.

Way too many to list - joined Army at 18 then was posted abroad. Drinking was the culture back then - how I didn't die I'll never know 🤷🏻‍♀️

Drink very rarely now and certainly not to extremes - have landed myself in various vats of hot water 😬

Okay Smugarella

This is very funny 🤣

I did rehab. Most of my fellow alcoholics had tried various barmy strategies to limit their drinking before finally reaching "the first Step". My favourite story was the guy who decided he'd only drink when outside the UK. He managed to stick to this by, predictably, inventing endless reasons to go abroad.

The way he told it, he'd ended up going to an island casino somewhere exotic with a bunch of blokes he'd only just met. After a long, legless night throwing money around, the management eventually threw him out. He wasn't having this. So he bought the casino. Which meant buying the island it was on.

He wouldn't tell us whether he still actually owned this island or had somehow wangled his way out of it - but who cares, it's a good story!

I've never been drunk. I'm capable of doing stupid stuff all on my own, no alcohol needed to help. 😔

I'm another cheery, affectionate drunk. Never shagged anyone I wouldn't have done sober (but some awful things happened when drugs were in the mix) and my danger radar seems to operate reasonably well, even when my legs and conscious brain have given up. I've done a lot of undignified things, got on and off a lot of wrong trains/buses, and have walked incredible distances in heels while feeling no pain. But the stupidest thing I've done - multiple times - is handed £50 notes to street sleepers.

It seemed unjust that I'd been larging it up in warm, sparkly venues, spending enough on drinks to pay for a night or two at a hotel, and was hailing a cab to drive me all the way home where I'd probably eat something nice before crashing into my comfy bed. So I'd hand out all the cash in my purse, sometimes even going to an ATM for more. Pretty sure they'd have been just as happy with a kebab and a beer.

Another one. Went to a party off campus with some friends, got really drunk and told my mate I was going back to my room. Fell over walking across a field and fell asleep. About an hour later I was woken up by some other pissed up idiot falling over me. Turned out to be my friend who I'd told I was leaving. Laughed for a good 5m then walked to rest of the way together.

You're not the only one! Woman I worked with got a taxi home after one of our many after-work binges drinks, got out of cab, fell over in the road. The cab driver, watching to see she made it through her front door, worried he might have missed something bad so reversed a little. He reversed over her prone, fortunately floppy body. She was then stuck under a wheel, so he drove forward a bit before diving out of the car in a horrified panic to examine the damage.

She was trying to get up, so he gingerly helped her. Then she chirpily thanked him for picking her up, waved goodnight and trotted into the house

She came into work the next day, perfectly fine except for a hangover and grazed knees from the asphalt.

Got home and was starving, had two things in the fridge a pound of ox liver, fried that too dry then added a jar of korma sauce. Oh boy in the morning woke with a god awful taste in my mouth bleurgh vv 🤮.

Climbed over massively high fencing to get into a pool, jumped off the 10m diving board and slapped my right tit super hard on the surface of the water and cried with pain for two days.