AIBU dinner guest

I mean if one of you spend all evening at a party making sure everyone's glass is always full of whatever drink they're having, wouldn't you thank them for hosting at the end of the night? Or wouldn't you do it because there is no skill involved in that?

You're surely not suggesting that we only thank people who do skilled jobs for us, and that unskilled tasksm that nevertheless require time and effort, are not worthy of thanks?

Your DP needs to look at you while bring thanked and say you're welcome, we're glad u enjoyed your dinner WE made?

I'd say dish up. But then I'm Irish so we have our own way of saying things🙃

@ZeroFuchsGiven so prepping vege, checking progress as things are cooking, plating up and clearing up is not 'cooking' but putting the meat in the oven and putting a timer on to indicate when to take it out is cooking? Really?

I know which one I'd rather do.

@Januaryspring
Thanks! We are definitely not perfect on the domestic front, and have had a lot of arguments on the subject (as I do the majority) but one of the areas we've had nailed for a few years now is the kitchen. I do all of the cooking (and a fine job of it if I may say so) and DW does all of the washing up (also, a fine job). If we have people coming around, she knows the best thing she can do to help is to keep herself and our toddler out of the tiny kitchen unless her presence is requested!

So then... She's not being unreasonable?

But she didnt cook!

I am not saying she should not be thanked for hosting, as she should but she is literally talking about the meal, which she did not cook.

Plus multiple posts from people saying she is being unreasonable (for being upset that she wasn't thanked) because she 'didn't cook' 🤨

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g there you go.

She’s rude and does this deliberately. Your DH should call her out on this in a polite straightforward manner - not jokingly if it’s his sister but a bit jokingly if it’s his aunt Emma who is 85 and visiting once a year.
I know people tend to mention only their side of the family e.g we’re going to Mary’s today instead of Mary and John if Mary is their blood relative. But thanking for hosting is different, you should always thank both hosts for having you, it’s just basic manners. It doesn’t matter who put the roast in, maybe you were slavering for ages cleaning house and doing shopping.
Are there any kids around? It’s very bad example.

That's just rude.
I wouldn't go out of my way to invite her again.
Next time she turns up, make her a sandwich in front of her and see who she thanks.

Can you stop having her over?

What is she like during the meal? Does she focus more on your DH? Most odd not to thank both hosts.

Can you point to a single post saying the OP shouldn't be thanked? My impression is everybody has agreed the guest should say thank you to both her hosts for having her. The issue is should she also say 'Thanks Fred for a lovely meal' or 'Thanks both of you for a lovely meal', given that Fred appears to have done the more skilful parts of cooking the meal, but Jane also did a fair bit of the work.

You have a DH problem. He shouldn't be accepting credit for your work. He should correct them 'it was all OP / it was a joint effort' and wait expectantly until they thank you instead / as well.

If your DH is crap yet you are inexplicably staying with him, then just correct the guest yourself. If they continue to be rude and sexist, don't invite them again.

YANBU, my Mum thanked my husband for a family lunch we all went out for. Just because my husband used his card rather than me. It was both of our money. Something she would be well aware of.

You are both hosting regardless of percentages of who done what. You both should be thanked. The people on here saying you shouldn't be thanked are the type of people I wouldnt want to invite to my house, it's obviously rude not to thank HOSTS for HOSTING you, regardless of who done a bit more.

Cutting veg is preparation. Preparation is part of a meal. If 'cooking' is literally only putting stuff in the oven and then removing it some time later, then every time DC reheats frozen chicken wings, they're 'cooking' are they?
Not many cooks here.

OP did not say she only prepared the veg. Why are you saying he cooked the actual meal?

So he is the one cooking ? Cutting veg isn't cooking .

Never experienced this concept of men cooking so I admit I'm jealous .

*deem

When you go to another couple's house for dinner, do you make a habit of ranking how much effort either party has put into the dinner and only thanking the one you seem to have contributed the most?

That's really bad etiquette if you do.

Good point. I think this might be a strong motivating factor for a lot of women of a certain generation (if that's not too ageist!)
It's the old-fashioned idea of the man catching the game, and the womenfolk cooking it, isn't it?
Unless the dinner guest is quite old, it does seem quite unusual for a woman to have this sort of attitude to another woman these days though.
I would guess that there's something beneath the surface which OP isn't aware of, because this sort of rudeness is brazen.

Yes rude. Is your husband a much higher earner than you? Perhaps she’s thanking him because she believes he’s paid for everything (not that this changes anything- just trying to think of motivation)