AITA? - relationship drama

YABU. His daughter is his priority. It should be. If she wasn’t, it would be a red flag. You not liking it, is a red flag. The reason it is so uncomfortable is the age difference. You don’t want to be second best to a child, when you’ve never had kids. You are in different stages. Leave

TBH, it's not much better

So 3.5 years ago she was 13.5 years old? Yes, you do spend lots of time with them at that age. You sound very naive and immature. My dd is 15 (almost 16) and not into going out with friends lots, she’d rather hang with me and dh.

Why are PP saying that "his DD will always be the number one priority"?

There is nothing in this post that suggests that the DD has ever been prioritised which is very sad.

Can we stop with ageism though -you can have a relationship with a person who is 20+ years older and has a mature outlook on life and (if it applies) still love their DC as much as the love their new partner.

You are too young to be stepmother to a 17 year old - I think you know this - and your relationship with her is bound to be a bit strange.

At your age you want to be the most important person in your lover's life - and you are not, and cannot be.

You might be happier in a different relationship with a younger person.

You will never be #1 to him. There is a lid for every pot; you are not the right fit for each other. Move on and find someone else, preferably closer to your own age.

This.

*my DSD , not DSS.

There is 17 years difference between me and my DH, OP, so please ignore the narrow-minded 'oh he's older to be your father' prejudiced bs. However, yabu to expect to be his number one priority. A child should always, ALWAYS come first. A girlfriend, second. Just as my DH's daughter is his first priority, me second. When you are a parent, your child is your first priority, your spouse/girlfriend second. That's how it is, that's how it should be. And if my DH didn't put my DSS before me, I wouldn't want to stay with him. It's a sign of a good man who puts his flesh and blood first, girlfriend last. That's how it should be. Any man who puts a girlfriend first before his own child, is scum.

Leave him alone!

He sounds like a bloody good father.

Yes, you are for all the reasons above. 26 also isn't 'quite young'. You're an adult who should know that parents more often than not prioritise their children, as they should.

It’s good you are not his number one priority.

Yuck to the whole situation. The poor dd - it must be so embarrassing for her having such a cliched old perv for a dad!

Thanks Cat

Did you get lost on your way to reddit? This is AIBU not AITA.

I'm surprised it wasn't the daughter bugging out considering you're closer in age to her than her father. The bind is that if he's a decent man he will always put his daughter first, and if he's not then you shouldn't be in a relationship anyway. I'm presuming he provides something missing in your life (father figure and/financial security) but you're both clearly incompatible.

Am I The A(rse)sshole

Off topic, but what does AITA mean?

This is a great question.

I’m 23. You’re three years old than me. There are PLENTY of people our age who don’t have kids. You’re never going to be his top priority if he has kids. You sound quite whiny when you say he was on the phone to his daughter and that annoyed you. Maybe you need to go and find someone else to be with?

I’m guessing there’s a reason why you’re with him, maybe wealth/money/status. It’s not worth it if you can’t stand the fact that he has a teenage daughter who he’ll always put first.

Also how do you date someone who has a child 9 years younger than you??

Find someone closer to your age who does not have children. It’ll be so much easier. This relationship is destined to fail.

Of course his child has more priority than you, why on earth would you think it otherwise?

You should run away as fast as you can and perhaps look into why you are in relationship with the middle aged man.
There are so many wonderful things in life to experience. You shouldn't settle for being a step mum for someone almost in the same age group as you. Your partner is a dirty old man.

Why are you in this relationship? You deserve more. This man isn't your future.

When you are late 40s he will be nearly 70. It won't work...something odd about a man choosing a gf close to his daughters age

You need to end the relationship. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be a step-mum. But there is something wrong with expecting one's partner not to be a parent (ie putting their DC first). His DD is and always will be his 1st priority. Nothing wrong with that. But it would be wrong of you to stay and resent the child or be unhappy because you aren't first priority.

There's nothing wrong with choosing to not get involved with men who already have children because that isn't the life you want right now. I wouldn't date men with DC back in the day simply because I didn't want to 'share' and I wasn't ready to be a mum, to anyone.

sorry but Kids will ALWAYS be the priority even when that Kid is 30/40/50 etc she will always come first. As she should. If you arnt happy with that then leave for someone without kids.

YABU, obviously the girlfriend will never be priority over the kid. So when he was having his child at 29, you were 9 years old in primary school… I bet for him it’s like trying to ref between 2 squabbling sisters.