Speaking another language

I think in those circumstances a quick aside in their own language is fine, like could you fetch something from the kitchen, but anything more substantial is off.

I think they should speak English to you when you have invited them over. They are socialising with you, and you cooked for them?

They probably use OPOL (One Parent, One Language) - the parent with the minority language speaks their language with the DC wherever they are, otherwise they don't get enough exposure to it as you'd always be making exceptions if you worried about other people not understanding. It's a standard approach, don't take it personally.

I know, but some people get annoyed not understanding every single thing that goes on around them. So was genuinely wondering — prolonged conversations, or many little asides here and there? I think growing up in multilingual countries, you sort of get used to hearing many snatches of things you don't understand — everyone will eventually default back to the common language for general benefit. Practically speaking, daily life has to be lived, authentic interactions have to take place, and everyone rubs along nicely together (though I recognise they're now in the UK and should default to UK culture of only common language).

Whatever the case though, I agree that friend's reply "it's ok" was insensitive and dismissive.

NRTWT but how old is the kid? If they're under 10 then the parent should speak "their" language to her almost all the time for fluency and relational reasons as PP has said. That's commonly known.

However it doesn't stop you raising it with curiosity as a discussion topic with your friend - always surprises me how little "friends" able to communicate with each other.

The OP said it's "whenever" she invites them round and after the "umpteenth" time she got annoyed. Those comments suggest it's not a short sentence here and there, and it actually happens quite frequently and for long periods of time, long enough to make the OP feel uncomfortable and uneasy in her own home.

I know this sounds convenient but when they came round to ours, they spoke loads in French to each other too, while we were all sat together (and I don't speak a whit)!

Think depends on context as another poster said. Are they really sitting around chatting and giggling with backs turned to OP for aaages, or is it shorter side conversations, unavoidable between family members? OP wrote "Common language for them and for us (my daughter and myself) is English." so presumably they must have had some English interaction as a trio. Question is how long?

Urgh I meant I don’t have any local family, obvs my family speaks it…

YANBU I meant, got my acronyms wrong

Wow I can’t believe how many of people thinks YABU. I think you are BU and it’s not about you, it’s about passing on your friends culture and language to her daughter and to do it in a consistent manner

I’m in England and speak a not very common mother tongue. My husband is English and I don’t have any family or friends who speak it. If I don’t converse with my kids in this language they’ll not get the opportunity to speak it at all. If a friend tells me not to speak it to my child I will be terribly offended and question how tolerant my friend is with my culture, and frankly, don’t be one of those people who tell them ‘it’s England speak English’

If it was a really long conversation and was excluding you as you sat there in silence then YANBU but if it was a couple of minutes of. Can you check what homework you have and get your stuff together for school type conversation then YABU. Context is everything.

I'd throw someone out of my house if they did that to me quite honestly.

Ok. But that's not quite the same though, is it? It's extremely rude, IMO, to speak in a language which excludes the host family of the home to which they've invited you to. And when they point out that they don't understand what you are saying, to dismissively respond "well, that's ok" is bang out of order.

Sorry previous comment meant to quote @Keyansier

My mates and I were actually invited round to a French friend's family home in France, and the family would do bits of English for us every now and then but would often lapse into French with each other over dinner and in general

That sounds frustrating! Do you 3 have conversations in English, though, before they default back to their own language? Maybe they feel they've already finished the polite communal conversation, so time to be natural again.

My mum and I speak a different native language from my partner. When she visits we will do the performative stilted "English for everyone" convo at dinner for a long-ish time, but we can only do it for so long before we just want to interact like normal humans again!

The second she stops speaking in the minority language to her child, especially a teenage one, the quicker both will revert to English and the fluency will be lost.

DD’s nursery were very keen that I spoke to her in Dutch which meant that she stopped speaking English to me and now 12 years later is no longer fluent.

This isn’t about you OP.

If I were in an English family living in Spain and fluent in Spanish and was invited to a Spanish family home and the family weren't fluent in English, I wouldn't then start to converse in English with my family in front of them after they had invited us into their home, knowing they couldn't understand the conversation. It's so rude.

I only speak to my children in my first language and my siblings do the same. It's the only way to guarantee they gain and maintain fluency.

Think about an English family living in Spain....they might all be fluent in Spanish but it would feel weird for them to sit and speak Spanish to each other wouldn't it I suppose.

I have mixed feelings on this as I also speak two languages and thought it was really rude. Until I travelled alot and found it was much easier to speak in English as the other language doesn't come as easily to me anymore. It didn't mean anything other than just easier. I think in a group of three though it's a bit different as it's understandable you'd feel left out.
I also think it's not something we can give you advice on as it's quite a personal thing. If you find it rude/ uncomfortable and have told your friend, then they shouldn't do it anymore

I'm not at all fussed over what you think!

That said, it is uncomfortable when around people who speak a different language and you're left out of conversations (if it happens too many times in one go) because they keep speaking to each other and leaving you out, but not because they may be talking about you. It's uncomfortable but they're not exactly doing anything wrong except being slightly inconsiderate if they do it too much.

We only speak English to each other at home but if one of them brings a friend home from school (which is in French) then my kids know to swap to French as that is polite and makes guests feel welcome. They are primary age. Plus my experience of bilingual teenagers is that they can swap easily between languages depending on who they're with. So yes, I think your friend was excluding you, which is rude.

It can sometimes just feel unnatural or uncomfortable. My husband speaks his first language with his mother and his main/strongest language with me and our children - he would really struggle to switch the other way round.
It’s not rude. Not every conversation is for everyone.

Thank you I just figured out how to do it lol x