My FIL has always been a difficult man to be around. He’s very controlling about his house and environment, with things needing to be to his exact requirements or he freaks out. He can’t stand noise or mess and dislikes change. For that reason he and my MIL (who is lovely) rarely come to our house, we always go to theirs. FIL doesn’t even like going out to eat very often as he’s a fussy eater and likes things that he’s used to.
He’s a good man and generally kind, but he is very boring to talk to. Never asks anyone about themselves, just drones on for ages about whatever interests him (traffic, the weather, politics, or stuff he did years ago, mainly). My teenage children find him hard to relate to and during our visits their interactions with him are limited. We used to live nearby so would come round for the afternoon and in short bursts but we recently moved further away so when we went for Christmas we stayed over for two nights. It didn’t go particularly well.
FIL has this bizarre insistence on directing me and my husband into and out of the driveway when we arrive and leave, despite us having cameras and sensors for reversing and being perfectly competent drivers. I’ve tried to overlook it and just grit my teeth at being infantilised but on Christmas Eve when we arrived he also insisted on going with me to the shop to ‘direct’ me even though I’ve been to it many times over the years and knew precisely where it was and how to get there. He not only ‘directed’ me but told me how to drive the whole way there, telling me to look both ways when pulling out of side roads and telling me to indicate, where to park, and so on. It was weird.
The rest of the visit, he was constantly irritated at all of us if we so much as put a plate in the wrong place or got our own drink from the fridge as he has an ‘order’ to the drinks that are to be removed to his specification of how chilled they are. He must have said ‘No, not there!’ Or ‘No, not like that!’ a thousand times over two days. By Boxing Day morning I’d had enough of tiptoeing around him and insisted we left after breakfast.
AIBU to think that my FIL has extreme anxiety and control issues that need to be addressed and not just swept under the carpet as ‘the way he is’? My MIL and DH are aware he’s difficult and try to minimise the impact on me and our DC but frankly I’m tired of his behaviour going unchallenged and no one accepting that this is not normal and we (and he) shouldn’t be living like this.