Sons girlfriends comments

It's her residence, but it's not her home. One creates ones own home. Mooching off the kindness of others doesn't count.

No, I swallowed it because it was mainly underhand. I had told DH about what she'd say and he insisted she would have been joking or I'd taken it the wrong way. He sees the good in everyone, not just his own mother. When she'd make obvious snide remarks I have pulled her up and it's caused friction. So I made a choice to swallow anything minor for a simpler life, and go no contact if she steps out of line.

I def. wouldn’t be happy either, OP. You’re doing her a favour - she ought to know better than to make such remarks - whatever she may privately think.
Just another case of poor manners.

Maybe she’s feeling insecure about her role in the home now everyone is back and trying to connect with you on some level for reassurance- what sort of relationship does she have with her family?

Next time, I’d say gently that you love having all your children at home and enjoy the chaos.

Is it? I mean, it’s where she currently resides, but she’s basically got less entitlement than a lodger as far as living there.

she’s a guest of the homeowners son, who pays nothings towards rent. The minute the son (or the homeowner) no longer want her there, she’s out.

It’s not her house, but it is her home.

And why can't you just tell her how much you love and cherish Christmas with your family? While also recognising how chaotic and demanding it must be for her? Acknowledge that it's busy and must be hard for someone who hasn't grown up within the family to fit into but that you love it, hope she's enjoying herself some of the time at least and say that she's welcome to opt out and slope off for a bit of peace and quiet when the family traditions, in-jokes and craziness get a bit much.

It can be so hard fitting in to other family's traditions, especially when it's a big, busy family - and they don't see each other often, so are very focused on each other. It is very easy to feel like a spare part.

How sensitive and solicitous is your son, her BF being? Is he making sure she's included and comfortable? Or getting carried away in the moment sometimes and leaving her out a bit?

Sounds like she’s taking your kindness for granted and feeling entitled rather than a grateful guest. Can you put a time limit on their stay.
It’s your house and if you want a family Christmas then it’s your decision.

Why didn't she go to her family for Christmas?

This.

Moaning like she is is the height of ungrateful entitlement. Maybe they should be given a deadline.

This.

I would get annoyed too. She's not paying rent and she's not even your child. Can't she be grateful for how much you do for her?

That is rude. How old is she?

I am not known for my most accomplished manners but commenting like this shows lack of self awareness and lack of respect including self-respect.

How annoyed I'd be would depend on how old your 'DIL' is.

Overall it sounds like a minor issue and maybe you’re just getting a bit annoyed with her constantly being around the house 24/7 which must be hard. She clearly likes being at your house when it’s nice and quiet, not the end of the world really.

Why did you have to swallow it? Was she funding you at the time?

It is her home. You've allowed it to become that, while resenting her for being there, by the sound of it. Make your mind up.

'Oh but my own children are home now and will always take priority over you' is no doubt true but also really hard for someone you'd previously welcomed in, to adjust to. At the moment your house is actually her home, the place where she lives. It is not the full-time home of your other children. They are actually visitors in her home.

Sure it's primarily your home. It's historically and periodically theirs. But while she has no other home, it is hers too. You sound quite fickle and resentful about that. She will sense that.

In years to come you will be a guest in her home. Be careful what expectation you create. I imagine she may well be wishing you away too.

YABVU - Do you resent her living with you?

Only saints don't look forward to having the house back to themselves after a busy period hosting, and if she is making these comments enough to be annoyed by them, she is choosing to be around you socialising, which is really hard for some people.

Cut her some slack, it's awful living with somebody who doesn't want you there, and if you are choosing to let this infuriate you to the point you are suggesting she doesn't have " a claim on the house" then you clearly have deeper issues with her!

I remember every snide thing my MIL has ever said to me, because I had to swallow it and smile which is not my style. It made our relationship frosty for a very long time and was awkward for DH. We now have kids together, but I still remember every comment she's made about me.

I would tread carefully OP. If DS is serious about her then this woman will be in your life to the day you die. Treat her like you would your own daughter, as in the long run it's better to build a mother-daughter relationship than a rivalry. If you pull her up a potentially innocent joke, she wont forget.

Suggest - jokingly of course - that she can always move out if she doesn't like it.

Omg shes' rude.........really rude.

Yeah shes' finding it all full on but that is no reason for her to make you feel bad, in your own home.

After all xmas is about family, so before it hits boiling point, I think you need to communicate exactly how you feel to her or your son, or both.

Before the $hit hits the fan and all hell breaks loose.

I absolutely get why it's hard to hear that, OP - it sounds like it's not been easy having her there and it's almost like she's wishing your own actual family would hurry up and leave so she can have their home all to herself again.

Tbh, I think if you were still finding it ok having her living with you, you wouldn't even have noticed her comment and wouldn't have taken it to heart. She probably didn't mean it the way it sounded but it hit a nerve with you for obvious reasons.

It sounds like it's time to sit down with her and DS and define the parameters about how long they're staying and what they contribute to the household while they're there, as the current arrangement is clearly creating tension.

I completely understand why this would be infuriating. Living together is clearly a strain for everyone if she's got so tone deaf that she making comments like this. Perhaps you could pleasantly let her know that your children are always welcome and you're living the opportunity to see them. Hopefully she will realise how tactless she is being.

It's not her house, she's living with you rent-free... she should lay off the 'jokes'. You should make some 'jokes' back - how much have they saved up yet for their own home so they can have some peace and quiet?

It’s territorial and she has no business trying to defend “her” space from OP’s guests, DC or not