Sons girlfriends comments

It’s one thing letting your own child live at home rent free so he can save for a deposit. Bit of a cheek being expected to subsidise the girlfriend as well.

Once in a lighthearted way was fine. Repeated comments is not fine. It's rude and designed to try to squash people's enjoyment of the day.

She's obviously entitled to feel that way. I think most people would in her shoes. But you don't say it outloud. Several times. Even as a joke when you're living as an adult for free at your boyfriends mothers house. Her children are visiting her. That's the exchange for living rent free.

I can see both sides of this. She probably meant no harm and is just feeling overwhelmed. But otoh, it's not appropriate to complain about sharing the home with the OPs actual children!
Ive been in this position with DS gf living with us for far longer than anticipated. Things became quite fraught at times by the end - both DS and gf are very messy, the house was too small and we were all getting on each other's nerves a bit. It wasn't helped by the pair of them behaving as if it was their house and me getting a bit snappy (although I swallowed loads too)!

I felt I was doing my best to help them out and they were not keeping up their end of the agreement. Now they've moved out, I do think they remember the fraught bits and have forgotten all the help and support - I kind of regret being so accommodating to be honest, as I think our relationship has suffered - it's not easy and comfortable and I don't feel welcome in their house really.
But I can see that it must have been hard for DS gf to be living with us all too.

So my advice is to keep a lid on the annoyance but to have a discussion with your son and see how far they are from moving out. There does come a point where adults all need their own space. Gently suggest that they start looking for somewhere in the new year if possible.

How old is she?

has she been helping?

have you been quite stressed?

I agree.

I also think what a fuss about nothing.

We always say we'll love it when it's quieter but we don't mean we want every one to disappear.

You can have too much of a good thing and every ones tolerances for things are different.

I'm sure the GF knows that the family are wanted but in a healthy household you should be able to communicate feelings in a non-combative way.

Being furious or resentful of someone making light of an overwhelming situation for them, or even seeing them as rude and ungrateful is not healthy and just indicates bigger issues.

If you're unhappy with her being in the house OP then you need to set polite and firm boundaries and ask them to move out if you don't want your relationship with your son and his Gf to sour.

When me and my husband (then boyfriend) were saving for a house deposit (13 years ago) ... I was your sons girlfriend!
I was welcomed into my husbands parents home, on the proviso that it was only whilst we were saving for a deposit, we tidied up after ourselves and paid for our own food!... I was extremely grateful for this. Because my own parents (my mum) would not allow my now husband to sleep over under any circumstances (her house, her rules I guess).... she's quite old fashioned.. now married, we are allowed 😅🤣.
If my husbands parents wouldn't have allowed me to stay, we would have had a very miserable 18 months living separately and to be honest, I think it would have pushed our relationship to the max, as what young adult couple want to live apart if they can help it?

Me and my husband have both agreed that when our 3 boys grow up, they are welcome to have partners stay on the same provisos, my husbands parents gave us.

Yes, she's in your house and she might have annoyed you. But she wasn't been rude or disrespectful...she was being factual in her observations! 🤷‍♀️

She lives with you, with your agreement, I presume, and so therefore, it is her home too, now, temporarily at least.

It would be unsurprising to feel a bit overwhelmed in her situation, and perhaps a bit like she is out of place. The last thing she needs is to have her future MIL being grumpy with her for it.

So they invaded the OP’s home with no permission? If the OP does not like the existing arrangement, shouldn’t she have made that clear ages ago? I’m assuming they did not force their way into the OP’s house?

Furious 🤣

"You cannot invite someone to live with you, then accuse them of 'mooching'. Invite lodgers in willingly, or don't. Inviting people in, only to resent them, would be incredibly mean-spirited. "

Where does it say the Op invited to the girlfriend to live full time & rent free in her home?

Just make a comment back that you love having your kids to stay and would hate them to feel an inconvenience. She probably just feels a bit overwhelmed with all the people

Cheeky cow..tell her she is more thsn welcome to go to her parents house or book a hotel over Christmas! Entitled littke madam!.

It's a throw-away meaningless comment by her, but I sense she has overstayed her welcome and changes will be needed in 2023.

I'd have to say something. It is extremely rude and ungrateful of her.

Hm. It seems to me that many posters expect graciousness, flexibility and a big smile at all times from OP's DS's GF but are unable to model these behaviours themselves.

You cannot invite someone to live with you, then accuse them of 'mooching'. Invite lodgers in willingly, or don't. Inviting people in, only to resent them, would be incredibly mean-spirited.

Perhaps a bit of gentle emotional openness and honesty on both sides would not go amiss OP?

But really, where is your DS, her BF in all this?

Poor girl. She’s feeling overwhelmed, being rude isn’t going to help. Just have a quiet word, explain how you love having your family home but if shes feeling overwhelmed there’s lots of strategies to cope and talk them through with her.

How would you want the relative of one of your children's partners to treat them if the shoe was on the other foot and they were struggling to cope at Christmas time?

If you don’t want her in your house, just tell her. You resent her being there. She will sense it. Just tell her and your son that you are no longer happy to have them stay with you. That’s the decent and mature approach rather than this ridiculous outrage over a minor thing. She has mistakenly thought it’s her home (though not her house). You should have told her from the get go that she should not make herself comfortable.

No she doesn't she made a comment in jest which anyone might make if they are not used to a houseful of people. It's not like she's demanding they leave.

You are probably looking for a reason to dislike her OP like most MILs, I think your overreacting majorly

Yup. Extreme reactions are common on social media, aren't they? If I had a quid for every stupid, daft, entitled, thoughtless thing a kid or their current squeeze has said, I'd have enough for a weekend in Paris.

If she is living there full time it is currently her home.
It's just not her house.

If the op doesn't want her living there and sharing her home long term then she needs to speak to her and her son about it.

This.

She apparently has rude manners but people on this thread are calling her a “rude little cunt”… I know who I’d rather be spending time with, fucking hell!

She needs to leave. Ungrateful.

What is it with extreme reactions and MNers?
‘Absolutely furious’ for goodness sake!
To be honest I felt the same yesterday when I had a houseful of my kids and their partners. I craved some quiet after a while.
If you are used to things being quiet nearly all the time, lots of noise and chatter can be overwhelming to be fair.

In your shoes I would have said, ‘ yeah, it’s a bit full on, we’ll be back to normal soon’