Sons girlfriends comments

There's more to this. Do you have any other issues with her? I feel we are getting haif a story,

Good idea, then she can have more children she doesn't see very often.

Hi Op
I think your attitude comes from emotional place of feeling like a Martyr,
I sense a feeling of resentment, somewhat,

I think as sense of feeling this way, that it be preferable if your son/girlfriend could alternate different days stay at yours, and girlfriends family.
Way forward, have the expection of them helping in either a practical way or financial way in basic way in minimum way, if they are struggling financially,

Also encourage to do find some paid work, even part time or volunteering work, as it look good on their cv too,

They can work towards a goal of putting a deposit down for rental of flat or house

Which begs the future question, we don't want people visiting our newborn at xmas.

Saying something like that once as a joke is fine, but if your DS's GF has said it several times that's not OK - that's not a joke, that's being rude. You've been quite quick to take offence so this whole thing may be wearing thin on you. It's Christmas so not the time for heavy discussions but I'd put this on the back burner until the New Year then have a talk with your DS about what's happening with their own house buying.
They're enjoying living together without any of the downsides of having to pay their own way, I'd want to make sure they weren't dragging their feet about moving out

Oh wow this is what people have to get furious about, someone finding a busy house difficult like many do. Wow.

I agree!

@OnPurpleHill, I think you do need to say something, either to her or your son.

Point out that you yourself are enjoying having everyone there, and you don't want her comments to upset any of your children, or yourself. Her 'jokes' are rude.

I wouldn't be happy about the comments either. It's your house and your DC family home.
Does she think you're going to sshhh everyone or usher them away early??
If she makes another 'joke.' Just say along the lines, 'aw, do you think so? I love Christmas with the kids, it reminds me of when they still lived here.' It doesn't have to be nasty, just how you feel. Definitely needs nipped in the bud though, she is being very entitled in your home.

Hi op
Sounds like your son's girlfriend,could have got bit too comfortable and taking you a bit for granted,
Does your sons girlfriend offer to help out a bit ,such as housework or other practical things?
she and your son are extremely lucky to not be expected to pay anything towards rent at all,

I can understand, his girlfriend feeling bit overwhelmed having houseful of your family visiting all of sudden.
What did she expect?,
Its Christmas time , for heavens sake, !
she can't have her cake and eat, without making a compromise or two,

Op you shouldn't have to explain anything about, enjoying having your family to vist,
She should just " get it",
It's called Life ,
sons girlfriend needs to, get over it/get used to it,
if she is serious about being with your son, long term.

@Maximinimalist perhaps you're right and the other dc aren't taking it seriously or don't care. Or perhaps they are fuming and moaning to each other out of earshot about how the cheeky freeloading cow is making them feel unwelcome in their parents home. We don't know. We do know that she is making OP feel annoyed though, and it's general etiquette NOT to piss of your host, that's just obvious, so whether it's understandable, or excusable because she doesn't mean it or is young or whatever, doesn't matter, it's still not great manners.

It's up to OP if it bothers her enough to say something or not - obviously I wouldn't suggest any sort of screaming match but just '[name] you've said that a few times now, I know you don't mean anything by it but you might not realise it comes across as quite rude. I hope you feel that we've made you and [DS] welcome here over the last few months, but other dc are my children and they are just as welcome as you are in my home, it's not nice for me to keep hearing how much you want them to leave.'

“Absolutely furious”? Do you usually over-react like this?

She’s made casual comments that she prefers the house when it’s quieter. I’d feel the same way too. It’s disruptive when there are people staying over at Christmas - especially if you are all sharing a bathroom, etc. You invited her to live with you so this is her home. Since she doesn’t pay rent, you can ask her to leave whenever you want. She’s allowed to voice an opinion on a situation, it’s a free country. You have the right to disagree with her on the matter.

Moment has passed, let it go.

If she repeats it then I'd suggest to her that it is her choice to live with you and your family.

I think perhaps she feels comfortable enough to voice it’s a bit crowded. If she’s otherwise nice I would just say “I love having my kids back at home, it is busy but good busy for me” gentle smile.

I would take this with a pinch of salt, I’m sure I’ve said some unintentionally insensitive things to my MIL at some point. I would never intend to do so but I know of a comment someone made to her once which really upset her but wouldn’t have bothered me in the least. It’s not that I would have brushed it off it just wasn’t offensive in my view (and MIL is genuinely very lovely so I was utterly bewildered by how upset she was) Sometimes you don’t realise how something you’ve said sounds to someone else.

sorry, crossposted with @latetothefisting

Its not just about the comments about the house being busy is it?

She’s outstayed her welcome so you need to call time on them living with you.

I’m assuming they both work, so they can rent somewhere cheap and save up for their own house (like we did).

As pps have observed, it was rude to voice her thoughts, however heartfelt.

Imagine if you were one of the visiting adult children and you db’s gf said this. Any normal person would be beyond furious.

I think a pp had the right response in that the gf could be “given permission” to take herself off upstairs for some peace and quiet, no pressure to participate, understand it’s a bit loud etc etc. But wishing the adult dcs would leave… noooooooo!!!!

Tbh this IS christmas in a nutshell .

Loads of grown up people all cooped up with other, taking offence at nothing much really.

She's made a throwaway comment . Tbh it's not much at all.

Here we all are analysing the hell out of it. Some taking total offence.

Please OP you've probably been rushing round like a blue arsed fly . sit down pour a Baileys and leave it go. Seriously in the grand scheme. It's nothing.

The OP said it was jokey and perhaps the reason why her children have not complained is because they took it as the light hearted comment it was meant to be.

I fear that the OP has already gone down the road of creating a horrible atmosphere in the house and her relationship with her potential future DIL is already in the rocks.

It is best if the OP’s son and GF move out because the OP has a lot of resentment about the current arrangement.

She absolutely is in rights in feeling this. What she shouldn't do is keep banging on about it. It's incredibly rude.

I'm surprised at the posters disagreeing with OP.
I agree of course it's fine for the girlfriend to FEEL a bit overwhelmed with a busy house and think to herself, or even express privately to OPs DS that she will prefer it when it's quiet, but it's really oblivious and rude to say it multiple times in front of OP and presumably DS's siblings.

I'm surprised none of them have called her out on it, my parents like you say they always want us to be welcome at theirs, I wouldn't be particularly impressed if I'd travelled to my childhood/parents home to see my family for christmas and my brother's random girlfriend who was living there for free kept saying how much she wanted me to leave!

I’m think you’re being really precious, particularly the comment about not anyone to say your adult children are an inconvenience.

She lives there, you agreed to it, it’s her home and she’s allowed to be relived when the house is quiet again.

If you don’t want your adult son and his partner living with you rent free that’s a separate issue.

‘Cheeky cow’, ‘entitled little madam, ‘cunt’
jesus, such cringey rage at some woman an OP wrote about 😄

I’m sure OP can figure out that she can get her freeloading son and his girlfriend out of her property (that she has ‘no claim to’ 😂) at any time if she’s not coping with her fury.

And also, just make an equally cheeky comment back! No need to slag her off on mumsnet

Oh for godsake, she’s allowed to make a joke and have a personality. If you’re unhappy about the terms on which they stay, that’s YOUR responsibility to define.

honestly, MIL’s like you need to realize you should treat your future DIL with as much love as your own children or expect to lose your son in the future

She can think what she likes but she was very rude to make such a comment like that in front of your family. If I'd heard that, I'd be feeling most unwelcome.

If she's feeling a bit overwhelmed she could go for a walk or to her bedroom to watch telly/read/have a nap.

I'm not surprised you're angry, OP. You want your children to feel welcome and at home when they visit you.