Sons girlfriends comments

Shes being cheeky, its not her house and I can understand the comments irritating you.

.....and this is the actual likely reality of doing it.

Putting yourself out massively and STILL not being appreciated, but judged🙄.

Much much better to say "Not happening"..........and spare yourself being resented for not 100% perfection in a situation that you weren't under ANY obligation to tolerate in the first place, and didn't want.

Huge favours are so quickly forgotten and morph quickly into entitlement.

Best not entertain it at all.

Agree.

It's a MN phenomenon for me.

Don't know anyone IRL that allowed rando partners be brought home, teenage girlfriends moved in to bedrooms without a word, rent free girlfriends moving in and not paying rent.

This is just another bizarre story where the free renter feels so entitled she makes remarks about family members staying being an inconvenience.

Clearly we don't love our children enough🙄 as we sure as hell wouldn't tolerate the above for a minute.

I agree that her comments are insensitive and rude.
She should put up and shut up!

Agree with this. They can each live with parents or elsewhere and still save. No actual need to b living together, AND rent-free.

If she's actually saying those things to the visitors, she's beyond obnoxious and entitled.

I think you are hugely overreacting. She hasn't claimed to have a right to the house and she hasn't asked your family to leave. She has said she is looking forward to when the house is quieter. That is a pretty normal thing to think.

If you don't want her to live with you then you should absolutely tell her, bit this comment is not a big deal.

Sometimes it happens by accident. For us, DS gf was thrown out by her family and was going to stay here for a few months until uni. But then their academic plans changed and Covid happened. I wouldn't have chosen for them to be living together so young, but she needed help and support and there was no one else to do it.
Im glad to have helped her and I genuinely am fond of her, but it hasn't been easy and I think in not being able to do it perfectly and without any conflict, she and DS hold it against me somehow, and remember the odd argument and not the support!

She's rude, ungrateful and lacks manners. Living rent-free(!), and commenting on house as if it's all about her. YABU for not telling her its a family home and you dont appreciate her comments so she can keep them to herself.

I bet pp's saying YABU would never put up with this but as its not them they're cool with trying to make you feel worse, and put you in the wrong

She sounds rude and ungrateful ... but I never understand why so many parents put up with their adult DC moving GF/BFs in ... it's perfectly possible to save up for a deposit without having to cohabit. And yes, I have an adult DS and the space to accommodate an extra person but I just wouldn't do it.

The thing is though, it's really hard to have someone living with you who isn't 'yours' and be completely patient and understanding 100%of the time. But if OP gets a bit snappy (even when she has a fair reason to feel a bit aggrieved), all the gf and dh will remember is OP being pissed of and not all the other support she's given them.

I think the gf probably just feels comfortable enough to say she's struggling, but for OP it's coming across like a cuckoo in her nest, kicking her own babies out. There's probably general irritation going on because it's an hard situation and when our own kids are annoying, we are programmed to still love them and this doesn't extend to other peoples kids.

And while OP wants gf to be comfortable, she doesn't want gf to take over and impose her preferences in what is the OP's house, when she's doing them a huge favour.

Usually best set by example and not over-reacting to things so you end up lonely.

I didn't have children so that I could be cared for in my old age. That is not their responsibility.

As for life lessons over what is and isn't appropriate, I'd have hoped that, like most people who want their children to get on in the world and be able to communicate and interact with others effectively, I'd have taught them those lessons in their childhood.

Well she won't be enjoying being with her family in her home because the other children don't visit often. Can't people read??

I don’t think OP sounds like she doesn’t like her. She sounds like someone who doesn’t want a non-family member who has ended up living there, complaining when her actual family members; children no less, come home for Christmas.

YANBU OP.
I would say something for sure along the lines of ‘one day when your children come back him for Christmas, you won’t be wishing for a quiet house’ or something similar.

If she stills makes comments, be more direct and tell her she is free to go elsewhere whilst you enjoy being with your family in your home.

@StreamingCervix "Oh dear.
how long do you expect your son and his girlfriend will be living with you for while they save? Are they paying rent?"

What is the matter with you people?

The hostility to even the slightest problem is astounding here. What if they aren't paying rent? Should that mean the girlfriend can't have an opinion? What would you do? Kick them out? Give it a rest.

Have you told your son this???
Do they both work?

The last time the OP said anything was around 2pm today.

This is good advice. I would put both to work. Your son and his girlfriend are taking advantage of you and she is complaining on top of it. Tell your son they need to find a place to rent by the end of March. That gives them three months. In the meantime, charge some kind of rent and put them to work cleaning, washing dishes, trash etc. That will spur them to finally take responsibility for themselves, they are adults. I don’t blame you for being furious. You look forward all year to welcoming all of your children home for Christmas and the girlfriend taking advantage of your home full time makes constant jokes of wanting your family in a short visit to hurry and leave the house to her again. She’s not really joking is she? Your one son needs to finally move out and take her with him. Stop letting him bring girlfriends to take over your house.

The OP has gone quiet so pointless going on and on.

Yes of course, because this is now a stage of life where it's so easy to go out and rent.
From the sounds of things the couple are saving a deposit to buy a house quite a sensible thing to do and I suspect would consider the OP's part in this when choosing to settle.

The alternate is of course to follow the example of the other children, move off to other cities or even Countries and ditch OP.

By the sounds of things there are a lot of people who are going to be pretty lonely when it gets to the stage where they need to be cared for due to teaching "life lessons" over what is and isn't appropriate.

She doesn't get to be overwhelmed in her boyfriends home and express to his siblings she's looking forward to them leaving again.

I think she is very rude and it's probably manners are preventing your other children putting her in her place.

Absolutely this.

I would pull your son aside and suggest she heads home for a while as she is clearly overwhelmed and you don't want her comments to make his siblings, whose home it actually IS to take her comments the wrong way, as YOU are thrilled to have them.

I would also loudly remark how much you love having them home.....on a loop.

She is spectacularly lacking in self awareness, so it needs to be made clear.

Personally I think she has gotten far too comfortable.

It strikes me that she wants reassurance over something - that the others will eventually leave (and when); what a future life will look like with your son; and how dependent she is, and has lately become, on him and you.

Right now, what is she doing?

If not, were it pointed out to the son's partner how her comments are being received by the woman who is kind enough to subsidize this stage of her life, she would naturally be mortified. She would offer a heartfelt apology with a clear reassurance not to repeat the offending behaviour.

IMO the least she needs is an understanding of what is and isn't okay behaviour when under someone else's roof. Sounds like she is long overdue a lesson in basic manners.