Sons girlfriends comments

Well, it's not her house. I would agree that if you let someone move in, then you have to genuinely commit to them being there, and do your best to make them feel comfortable. But, the person staying has to make equal efforts not to take the piss - to not complain about the hosts other children, tidy up after themselves and generally not make it hard for the hosts to have them there. Particularly if they are getting to live there with no bills - very few people have the opportunity to save for a deposit and not have any of their money lost on rent etc.

Secondly, it’s not even her house, if anyone doesn’t have a claim to this house it’s her. AIBU?

Yes what a self sacrificing kind mil.

There's plenty of evidence of that entitled boomer attitude on this thread. Hence why I made that comment.

No they don't. At least not any that I know. Okay, you get the odd twatty 'journalist' saying that kids could buy houses if they weren't wasting money on avocado on toast, but I've not heard any parents attack their kids for not being able to get their own home.

But I do think that if parents are inconveniencing themselves by housing adult children's partners, it's not unreasonable to expect those partners to respect the house and the family.
Maybe the girlfriend's comment is harmlessly meant, and she just feels comfortable enough to say she's overwhelmed. But to the OP, it feels loaded and maybe she is struggling too - it's not always easy to have other people, who aren't your kids, living with you. Especially if you feel they are making your other kids feel unwelcome.

Not a dig at stay at home mums. I am one.
It's a dig at hypocrisy.
I'm not saying it was all roses in the past. But the fact is that many of that generation seem to like using that it's harder today(and it is, in measurable terms) as a stick to beat their children and their partners with.

It’s very easy to say, ‘This is my family, and I love having them home to stay’. I don’t think you need to say any more than that.

Id say how would you feel if I said the following

"jokingly"

now you know how it feels to have a house with visitors, can't wait till we get the house back to ourselves and run through the rooms naked again wink wink joke joke

would you find yourself being sensitive if I said that on repeat?

@MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay , not acceptable to have a cheap dig at sahm, who are as entitled as anyone else to set expectations for what goes on in their own house! We aren't a sub category of human, with fewer rights!
I would argue that letting your child's partner move in rent free is actually one of the least controlling things a parent can do - we are letting them keep all their money, not profiting financially from their presence, putting up with their mess and the house being a bit too full, in recognition that it's hard and expensive to buy a house.

Not everyone in the parents' age bracket has bought houses when cheap. And they haven't always been easy to buy, either. I remember interest rates being sky high, repossessions, only being able to borrow 3x salary, salaries being lower - the past wasn't all rosy you know. Today's parents are still paying off mortgages, putting kids through university and in housing them, trying our best to still help our kids when we don't have the ££££ to give them a deposit.

I've only read a it of this thread, but what hit me from reading your original post is that you really dislike your son's girlfriend.
I'm sure if I got the vibes just from reading that, then she is getting them loud and clear while living with you.
I am assuming she feels awkward and out of place when your other children are there (she can no doubt sense that you don't really want her there as t is very clear that you resent her being there).
That's probably why she feels the way she does.

Oh that last line says it all. You don't like her though, do you.

I know where she's coming from as I need my quiet space and hate lots of noise/people, but as my grandma used to say - beggars can't be choosers. It is your house.

Maybe you should make jokey comments about needing a quiet house.

Get a feeling you don't like son's girlfriend and you're irritated that you're helping her out aswell.

I find it actually kind of disgusting tha the generation who benefitted from cheap housing and got on the property ladder relatively easily, seem to find such great pleasure in bashing their children and their partners who don't have the same opportunity, and when they do offer to help or open their homes it comes with controlling strings and expectations. If Dil works and mil was a sahm like many of these people that find drama in nothing, as op has, I'd find that extra galling.

It's overwhelming not having your own home and can feel quite shameful even though for this generation it's no fault of their own. It's normal to find a busy house full of strangers a bit much. Unless she's telling them to piss off fuvkers, it's not rude.

Give it ten years and you'll have a mil thread about how lonely you are.

It's not inappropriate to respond to comments like this rather than get upset.
In any case, she can wish for what she likes it's her business. Enjoy you're DCs visits and ignore her.

This reply is spot on.

Good lord what a none issue. What exactly are people allowed to say these days without it being offensive?! She's making a passive joke about finding the crowds hard work. She's not asking you to remove the other guests. She's not bad-mouthing anyone. She's not really even complaining just making an observation. Just because her opinion of your house guests is slightly different to your's doesn't mean she isn't allowed to voice it or that she's saying it to upset you. This next generation of young adults is going to grow up afraid to talk.

As in not a penny? I saved up tens of thousands living with my parents while paying them rent and not ripping them off. You’re being taken for a mug and you maybe know it?

I reckon it's perfectly reasonable for a family member to comment that they're finding a lot of visitors overwhelming. But I think the problem is that she feels the place is her home (even if temporary) while you see her as a house guest (and maybe an unwanted one).

Have a word with your DS and find out if she can spend some time away from your home while your other DC are there.

It also seems like you don’t want her living with you on a full time basis, so that’s a bigger issue to address.

Whether she means to or not, she is being rude to your children. They may feel uncomfortable or think you have voiced this opinion privately for her to be so open about it. I would have a word with your son ASAP and ask him to have a word with her about it and for her to stop it.

Sounds like it's time for your son and her to move out.

Next time say “My children and friends are welcome anytime”. Long, hard stare.

She’ll get the message. If she doesn’t then “if the noise is bothering you, you can try visiting your parents”.

Either way I’d tell them they are paying for and organising the weekly grocery shop at an absolute minimum.

I’m not sure you really do ‘like her as a person’ do you?

*out

Tell her that you miss everyone and you're pleased to have everyone back. If she keeps making it the same comments in a jokey way just keep repeating the above.

This time of year is high stress. Deep breaths. I'd also be having a conversation about when they will be moving put in 2023...

It does sound a bit tactless of her. Will she have moved out by next year?