Sons girlfriends comments

She’s “entitled” @Abigail69 to fart during dinner time, to leave shit on the toilet seat, to swear whenever she damn well fancies….

but most people don’t use what they’re “entitled to” do as their benchmark for pleasant behaviour

This is definitely a case of six of one, half a dozen of the other. I can see both points of view. Chalk it up to her not having her own family or home yet. She’ll cringe in twenty or so years x

Firstly, It is one thing to let your adult child live rent-free without paying anything towards the utilities, but another thing altogether letting a Partner do this, so she should be bloody grateful, I hope she is.

Secondly, Re the comments from her, I would suggest you mention several times how lovely it is having all your DC home, that your DC are always welcome home anytime and how you consider this will always be their home if they need a roof over their head in order to save, you know like you are doing for her, the non-blood related adult.

And thirdly, why hasn't she had the decency to bugger off to her own family for Christmas/New Year to give you a break?

Or point her to the nearest Premier Inn until she feels safe to return to your home.

I can understand that if she js used to a quieter house, lots of people can be a bit overwhelming . I wouldn't fall out with her about it, but if she mentions it again I'd reply "That's a shame, I love having a houseful" so she gets the message.

You can “joke” back “well now you know how I feel with a permanent extra guest” tinkly laugh! “Don’t mind having you here x, but I am looking forward to the peace and quiet when you and ds move out”

@MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay

oh here with go! If you don’t bend over backwards and mollycoddle your offspring they’ll cut you off and leave you festering in a home

@Abigail69

no she’s not

she’s not paying rent so she has no say

If she said it in a jokey way - I’m not sure I could be ‘furious’ about it.
It sounds like she was just overwhelmed by how busy/noisy the house was.
I wouldn’t overthink it.

OP
It may be your house but as son's GF living there she is entitled to an opinion.

I think that’s a reasonable comment. She doesn’t mean it as disrespectful, just that Christmas can be hectic and looking forward to some peace and quiet. I love my children and family, but my God, I’m counting down the days until Tuesday 3rd, where everyone is back in work / school / nursery.

When I was young, I couldn't live with my boyfriend at my parents house, nor would I have felt that I had the right to. It's a nice thing to do, if you have space and can manage it, but no parent is obligated to share their house with their children's partners.

I think what she said was fine, as having lots of people around when you're an introvert is tough.

However I think you ought to put some kind of timescale on the free lodgings.

Presumably it's not open-ended with them being there for years?

Are they actively and openly talking about how much they save each month and how long it will take to get a deposit?

Do they have a price- band in mind for a property?

I don't know if you are feeding them (for free) too, but I don't agree with kids living at home as adults and contributing nothing.

Even a token amount each month makes them feel some responsibility.

What about her parents? Where are they in all of this?
They've shelved their responsibility if she is being looked after solely by you.

i don’t see myself as having a “duty” to anyone other than my children.

For their partners, it’s not a duty. It’s a favour / an offer / a gesture

'joke ' back that it's a good job for her you're not someone who needs an empty house!

If the OP allows people she doesn’t like to live rent free in her home…. Then I’d like to be friends with her

Duty to her son in particular - unless you think young people should also have to live apart from their partners in order to save for a house?
Good luck to her son trying to buy a home on his own as well!

The cowardly OP seems to have done a runner but I think it's safe to say she just doesn't like the GF rather than having a particular problem with her jokey observation.

I don’t know how old she is but maybe she’s not old enough to know when to smile and keep her mouth shut. Young people often blurt things out.
may be say “ Well, I won’t be glad when they’ve all gone. They are my family and I miss them.”

Sounds like she is getting very comfortable at your house!

@MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay , I was being general about the tidy mess, just saying that there are basic things people living with others need to do.

I think the OP is being supportive - no one is obliged to house their children's partner. Her own child yes, but not someone else's. I agree that the comment isn't rude in isolation and could genuinely be the gf feeling safe enough to say she's feeling overwhelmed. But it depends on the frequency this is being said and if the gf and DS are doing other things to make the other kids feel unwelcome, to tip it into rudeness.
I do also think there was some unnecessarily hostile responses to the gf upthread.

@LemonBounce

a “duty” even for young people that you aren’t related??!

You sound really nice but I think you've fundamentally missed the difference for your son's generation here.
Houses are so unobtainable for young people and cost of living is so high. You probably didn't need to live with in laws to save for a deposit and feel you are doing a big favour for her here. The reality is your generation has significantly profited from high house prices, free uni etc. While young people today are in debt and have no choice but to live with in laws. Recognize this and be supportive - it's the least you can do. Stop feeling you are doing a favour to them and see it as a duty.

No evidence she's not tidying up after herself unless I've missed something.
No evidence she's being rude.

She is finding the house busy it's hardly rude.