Sons girlfriends comments

She's overwhelmed because there are more people than usual in her home,

Its not her home though? she staying at her boyfreind mum house.

If she says it in front of the other DCs, don't you have a sassy one who will point out it's actually their house and not even her house? I was that sassy one...

If you're 'absolutely furious', perhaps you should talk to your son about them moving out.

Lol if the OP comes across irl as she does here ‘furious’ and ‘if anyone doesn’t have a claim on this house it’s her’ then it might be free in £ but sounds like they’ll be paying for it! 🙄

There‘s more than enough nightmare MiL threads on here!

If it was just a once off comment I'd let it go but anymore than that I'd be having a word with her. She's got some cheek to keep coming out with it even if it's in a jokey manner. If she wants peace and quiet she knows where the door is and go for a walk or visit her own family.

If I was going home for Christmas and a sibling's girlfriend kept coming out with those comments I would not be happy and would let my sibling know too.

Tell her. Suggest she goes home for a couple of days.

She may be making the others feel unwelcome. My dads wife does this. She complains ‘jokingly’ and repeatedly about having guests being too much for her. We don’t go anymore.

Christmas (and a busy one!) can be overwhelming for people. You've got your family and extended family back together at Christmas so it's great for you, she's simply in a much busier house with people who aren't her family (blood family) which can be exhausting. I find you can't be as honest as you would with your own family, and making nice all the time can be tiring.

You sound very OTT though "if anyone doesn't have a claim to this house it's her" and being "furious".

she sounds rude, and should decamp to a hotel at her expense for a few days if it’s bothering her that much, you have every right to have your family come and visit whenever you want

Good luck to her getting on the housing ladder without OP’s generosity letting them live at hers for free.

You could have replied " This is our childrens home and we 're always delighted to have them come to stay. Especially when its only for a few days.
Are your parents having a very busy Christmas this year? "

She's overwhelmed because there are more people than usual in her home, she's allowed to say that, if you dislike her so much that you have a problem with her expressing that then you should ask her and your son to move out

Be as furious as you want OP but good luck seeing your grandkids when they come along if you alienate her.

I’d be charging rent in the new year. You can’t keep grown adults in a house without a contribution of some sort. Yes, they are saving to buy a house, but it’d be interesting to know how long they’re intending to be staying and how much they’ve actually saved.

She’s being rude about the way you choose and enjoy to spend Christmas. I would let it go unless she persisted, then suggest she spend it elsewhere, wherever she prefers it and can get a free invite.

Tell her to go home to her own family home if she wants peace and quiet. Why did you agree to her living with you? Can't she live with her family and he lives with you? This is what my husband and I did to save for a house we lived back with our parents after uni and just lived between 2 houses, all my stuff was at mine and his at his parents, we slept over at either house a couple of times a week and a couple of nights we were apart. Meant no one out stayed their welcome. Sounds like she's outstaying hers.

Is it not that she is saying it in front of the guests?

If she was saying it to me quietly, I'd give her a hug and suggest she goes off to read for a bit.

If she kept saying it in front of my visiting children I'd be furious too

I'd tell her that this is your house and if she'd like peace and quiet then she should rent her own place. And fill the house with people at every opportunity

She's being a tad insensitive. Not intentionally I suspect. She probably thinks she is joking with a kindred soul (about the need for peace and quiet).

You are being very kind letting her live with you full time. Why not just explain that you miss your children and enjoy having the house full?

Calm down.

It's not her house but it is her home. She should be able to express herself in a jokey way without you getting all 'furious' about it.

It can be overwhelming to be surrounded by family. She shouldn’t be mentioning it more than once, so just tell her it’s annoying. It’s bizarre you’re furious though. It’s a small thing. Examine what it might be underneath, eg due to resent her living with you rent free or full time, or would you just like an end date?

Sounds like she keeps voicing it because of some unmet need for peace. It’s hard being overwhelmed and in someone else’s space when you feel like you have to go along with what the ‘host’ is doing. Why not gently suggest to her that if it’s a bit much, no-one would mind if she slunk off for a bit, to her room, for a walk, whatever. Maybe “I love a busy house with everyone here, but if you’re craving some alone time, please don’t feel like you have to be in the thick of it all day”.

Totally agree, and OP needs to point this out.

Sounds like you resent letting her stay with you. Why did you agree to the arrangement? Is it because you don’t really want your son to leave home?

What does she contribute to your household in terms of practical help or financial contributions?

One the other hand, she obviously feels comfortable enough in your company to be honest about feeling a bit overwhelmed by the busyness in the house. That’s entirely normal when you’re used to a quiet home.

If you’re starting to feel resentful of their presence, maybe you need to discuss a moving out date?

Agree.

Do it now to start off the new year with a different arrangement. They shouldn't be able to save at your expense.